


The Movie Never Ends (It Goes On and On and On and On)

by ken_ichijouji (dommific)



Series: Water park 'verse [10]
Category: Star Trek (2009)
Genre: F/M, M/M, Written pre-star trek beyond, the bowling planet - waterpark verse, waterpark verse - part 9
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-02-19
Updated: 2010-02-24
Packaged: 2017-10-17 06:01:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 45,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/173674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dommific/pseuds/ken_ichijouji
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Welcome to the Enterprise's newest mission, a voyage to a little planet called Castro III. For once, obeying the Prime Directive is the least of their worries. It's hard to be in Starfleet when you have to deal with transporter malfunctions, video game sessions, rings, jail cells, matador costumes, bowling matches, miscommunications, spies, observation deck talks, champagne, disciplinary hearings, new nicknames, romantic dinners, and a pair of people who won't be talking when the dust settles.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Kirk/Bones, Spock/Uhura, Sulu/Chapel

_**Fic: The Movie Never Ends (It Goes On and On and On and On) 1/6**_  
Title: The Movie Never Ends (It Goes On and On and On and On)  
Series: Star Trek XI: [waterpark 'verse](http://ken-ichijouji.livejournal.com/21874.html)  
Rating: PG-13 for swearing and some fade to black hanky-panky  
Total Word Count: Are you ready for this shit? **44,841**. It's just...it's full of stars.  
Summary: Welcome to the Enterprise's newest mission, a voyage to a little planet called Castro III. For once, obeying the Prime Directive is the least of their worries. It's hard to be in Starfleet when you have to deal with transporter malfunctions, video game sessions, rings, jail cells, matador costumes, bowling matches, miscommunications, spies, observation deck talks, champagne, disciplinary hearings, new nicknames, romantic dinners, and a pair of people who won't be talking when the dust settles.  
Pairing Notes: Kirk/Bones, Spock/Uhura, Sulu/Chapel  
Notes: This takes place a year and eight months into the five year mission, meaning Kirk and Bones have been dating for eight months. (LOL POSTING IN MY OWN UNIVERSE OUT OF ORDER.) If you haven't read everything else in the land of waterparks and roller rinks, certain things will be confusing to you.

This story makes very brief references to the TOS episodes "Patterns of Force" and "The Enemy Within."

The title, and this should be obvious to anyone who has ever exchanged a sentence with me, is from the song [Don't Stop Believin'](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uDY2I5pni90) by Journey.

Here's a list of things I had to google in order to write this properly: transporter technology, how to beat a seven-ten split, controls for the video game _Wing Commander_ , _Much Ado About Nothing_ , Heisenberg compensators (“They work very well, thanks”), metric conversion charts, the United Federation of planets, and the lyrics to Amy Winehouse's [Back to Black.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w1evzhSast8)

That's not even all of it, by the way. I'd show you the google history on my iPhone but I like...I don't think there's any way I can do that. I would also probably horrify all of you.

Dude someone needs to take author's notes away from me. I just never shut up.

 _Now_

The cell door slammed shut with a loud bang.

Jim sighed from where he stood against the bars and took a look at his crew.

Still wearing their special team uniforms, Sulu, Uhura, and Bones sat together on a bench. Uhura had her arms crossed and was staring pointedly at the wall across from her. Sulu was leaning against the wall behind him and slouched, his thumb and forefinger pinching the bridge of his nose. Meanwhile, Bones was this impressive combination of resigned and pissed. His arms were crossed and he tapped two of his fingers against his bicep without any rhythm or regularity.

Kirk looked across the cell to the other bench, where Spock and Chekov sat. The Vulcan wore a blank expression while Chekov looked beyond irritated. That was about right.

Jim looked to the left for a moment, making sure to avoid eye contact with Bones. He glanced back to the other side. Finally, he forced a smile onto his face and clapped his hands once loudly.

Everyone turned to look at him.

“So. This went well.”

\-----

 _Three days ago_

“Those are our orders,” Jim finished to the assembled crew members. “We go in, make friends if possible, observe definitely, and hopefully...new Federation allies.”

The _USS Enterprise_ was nearing its destination of Castro III, a planet long thought to be uninhabited. The _Yorktown_ had come across viable life and technology readings in a small area on the planet, but had been unable to investigate further due to the time constraints with their current mission of getting vital vaccines to Argelius. As the _Enterprise_ was the next closest ship in the system and they were at somewhat loose ends, it fell to them to make the contact.

He looked around the large conference table in his ready room. Uhura and Spock looked as intrigued as always by the prospect of learning about a new culture. Nerds in love, it was the cutest thing.

Speaking of nerds, Sulu had been typing notes on his PADD the entire meeting. Or maybe he hadn't been, judging by the eye roll Chekov made as he peered over his shoulder. Which meant that in all likelihood, he had been sending messages down to his girlfriend in sick bay.

How hilariously inappropriate.

Scotty had actually seemed really enthusiastic about the whole thing. He had been the only person to bother asking any questions, and Jim had delighted in answering them. He got tired of droning on some days and, well, anything to spice up the meetings.

Meanwhile, Bones sat listening with his chin in one hand. Unfortunately for him, Jim knew the look in his eyes meant he was doing doctor-y things in his head instead of listening.

Oh, it was so going to be _on_ later.

“The _Yorktown_ said the readings were small, and in one very localized area,” he said as he pointed to a spot on an image projected onto the wall. “They also said there was some kind of interference with a lot of their scanners, ostensibly from all of the debris surrounding the planet.”

Chekov raised his hand and Jim nodded at him. “Debris?”

“Yeah, Castro used to have three moons. Starfleet isn't sure exactly when, but one of them exploded quite some time ago.” Kirk crossed his arms. “The _Yorktown_ wasn't able to properly assess exactly what kind of damage that had done to the planet, although it appears that it's harmed all but a small piece it.”

“Leaving some type of desert oasis?” Scotty looked curious.

“Something like that, yeah.” Jim shrugged. “There's not just a little of the debris either, there's a ton of it so transporters will be our only way on and off the planet. It's too risky to try flying through it.”

Sulu looked up from what he was doing for a moment with a mildly insulted expression. Oh so he _was_ listening. That was nice of him.

“They do have some technology, so the Prime Directive doesn't necessarily apply here. We need to be somewhat conservative in how we approach them, as we don't know exactly what level of development they've achieved.” Jim moved to stand behind his chair, putting his hands on the headrest. “Since we need to start small, myself, Spock, and Chekov will beam down first.” He tried to ignore the slightly disappointed look on Scotty's face. “Scotty, you'll have command of the ship while we're down there. Should be fairly routine, I don't think we'll need any security to go with us.”

“You should probably take five of them, then, with the way things go around here,” Bones grumbled quietly.

“I believe going in with such forces would give the appearance that the Federation is hostile.”

Bones rolled his eyes. “Spock, I know you're still somewhat new to the whole concept of sarcasm, but you really should know me better by now.”

Spock raised an eyebrow. “I do not understand how that would be possible, as your normal tone of voice is virtually indistinguishable from the one you designate as being for sarcasm.”

The room was silent as everyone stared at Spock in surprise, except for Sulu who simply snorted as he typed on his PADD.

“Snap,” Jim finally announced to no one in particular. Scotty and Chekov nodded their agreement. “Although, maybe one officer wouldn't be a bad idea. Think Cupcake can spare a redshirt for a few hours?”

“I'll give him a ring when this is over,” Uhura said.

“Awesome.” He smiled at the room. “With that, I guess we're all done. Dismissed.”

Slowly, everyone began making their way back to their duty stations, except for Uhura who had hung back. Bones paused at the doorway to look back at Jim, who promptly beamed and blew a kiss to him. With an irritated expression on his face Bones mimed catching it, but Jim didn't miss the smile that started to form as he turned away. With him gone, Jim was free to turn his attention back to his communications officer.

“Is there something else, Lieutenant?”

“Just wanted to make sure you only want the one redshirt and not two or, as Leonard so dryly suggested, five.” She tilted her head to one side and smiled.

Jim grinned at her. “One's fine, it's probably just a standard meet-and-greet. I don't think it's necessary at all, but it'll make Bones feel better.”

Nyota rolled her eyes. “Speaking of, you two really should tone it down sometimes. You're setting a bad example.” She raised an eyebrow. “I'd imagine that your behavior is why Sulu thinks he can get away with the electronic flirting like he was today.”

Jim stared blankly at her. “You have met Bones, right?”

The expression on Uhura's face spoke volumes, most of which said _don't bullshit me, we were all there._ Jim winced.

“Okay, so, I may not have a leg to stand on.”

“Considering you two still act like newlyweds and it's been close to a year, no, you really don't.” Uhura smiled. “Although, I suppose I should congratulate you as today you kept it professional until the very end. The last time we had one of these meetings, I had to keep myself from throwing up because of you two.”

“Is that what you were doing? I couldn't quite read the look on your face.” Jim winced for a second time.

“Yes, sir.” She turned serious. “You two do a good job in front of the rest of the crew and when you go on away missions, but it sends a bad message when you behave like that during the meetings just because we're also all friends. I know it seems like no one cares, but...”

“No, I'm glad you said something. It was just all in good fun, but we should really be more careful. I'll make sure to both talk to Sulu and make more of an effort when we're in an official capacity to stay professional.” He paused, because here was a prime opportunity to needle her if ever there was one. ”I guess we should just take lessons from you and Spock then. You two never do anything inappropriate.” It was almost unnerving.

Uhura rolled her eyes, but the smile on her face undermined it. “Inappropriate is not in the Vulcan dictionary.”

“This isn't one of those things like telling me gullible isn't in the Standard dictionary, is it?” She gave him a weird look. “I think it's a legitimate question! I never really know where things are with you.”

“That's because you aren't supposed to,” she said with a grin. They made their way out of the room and to the turbo lift. He remembered a conversation he and Sulu had with Spock a while back during that shithole of a mission with the plant people. He was curious, but he thought it was best not to ask Spock directly.

Why not just ask her?

“So...how are things with you guys anyways?” _Take the bait, Nyota._

“Shouldn't you be asking Spock at one of your chess matches?” _Or not._

Jim shook his head. “Uh uh, Spock and I don't talk about our relationships. Everything else but not those.” He rubbed the back of his head absently. “Something about him not wanting to give me any ideas. I honestly don't know what he meant by that.”

She made a tsking sound. “Of course not, because you didn't spend the first eight months of our voyage hitting on me in front of him or anything.”

Oh right. “Huh. You know, I forgot I used to do that.”

This made her smile again. “Well, he hasn't, is all I'm saying.” She shrugged one shoulder. “I've tried explaining that, especially with you being so besotted with Leonard, he has nothing to worry about but he gets oddly insecure sometimes for a Vulcan.”

Jim nodded, then found himself smiling. “I guess that not everyone's relationship can be perfect like mine.”

Uhura laughed loudly. “Okay, _wow_. You better hope you didn't just jinx yourself.”

“Psht,” Jim said eloquently with a sweeping gesture of his hand. “It's only true.”

She gave him a knowing look. “I'm going to remember you said that so when your man arbitrarily falls into a coma or something, I can properly say I told you so.”

“Harsh.”

“Thank you.” The lift doors opened and they stepped onto the bridge.

Hannity looked up from her console. “ **CAPTAIN ON THE BRIDGE**!”

Everyone flinched and covered their ears.

“...That was too much,” she said to herself as she made a face.

“Little bit,” Jim nodded as he sat in his chair and Uhura took her station. He had more pressing matters to attend to at the moment. Such as mockery. “So Sulu...”

Sulu slowly turned around from his console with a wary expression.

“How's Christine?” Jim pronounced “Christine” as if it were a song.

The helmsman at least had the decency to blush. At this, Chekov's expression became strangely nauseated.

“She's...fine. And I'm sorry.”

Jim's smile turned wicked. “Oh not yet. But you will be!”

Sulu winced. Chekov rolled his eyes and muttered something in Russian under his breath, causing Uhura to make a scandalized noise at her station and look at him with wide eyes. Pavel realized he had spoken out loud and made a face of his own. Jim made a note to ask Uhura what the kid said later because whatever it was, going by her face it was _gold_.

“Steady as she goes, Mister Sulu. Warp four.”

“Aye, sir.”

\-----

Spock looked down at the small black box in his right hand curiously.

He considered it for a moment.

“Nyota, I wish to join you in matrimony.”

That didn't seem right.

“Nyota, be my wife.”

No, that was too much like an order.

“Nyota, I love you. Please be mine forever.”

He shook his head in consternation.

This would be much simpler if she were also Vulcan. All of this would have been arranged for them in childhood and they would honor the agreement upon entering maturity or there would be a duel to the death. It was all so much more straight forward with Vulcans.

Nevertheless Nyota was human, a fact for which Spock normally was grateful. In this instance it left him with a feeling of not knowing exactly where he should begin. He had to somehow find a way to ask her for her hand that would be acceptable to a human woman.

He thought about asking his father, but it seemed...improper given everything that had happened with his mother. He honestly did not wish to cause Sarek any undue pain.

That left him with attempting to figure it out on his own and so he used his lunch hour to try his hand at writing a speech. It was unfortunate that all of his efforts were leaving much to be desired.

Perhaps a speech was the wrong answer. This situation possibly called for a more...grand gesture.

But what exactly could he do?

He stared down at the small box for another moment before it finally occurred to him.

The Enterprise had quite an extensive media library involving data from many different cultures, not the least of which was Terran. He could simply consult Earth films and books and put something together from those. It wasn't an ideal solution, but it was the most logical and therefore best one that he had at the moment.

Making sure to put the box into his pants pocket, he began to make his way down to the recreation room on deck seven.

\-----

Pavel Chekov finally got off beta shift at the appropriate time and made his way to the quarters he shared with Hikaru Sulu.

He knew for a fact the pilot did not have any plans that evening, so he wanted to see if they could play (and beat) his new flight simulation game.

Correction: the pilot didn't have any plans _for once_.

It wasn't as if he wasn't happy for Hikaru. He seemed to care a great deal for Nurse Chapel, even though they had only been together for a couple of short months. As far as Pavel was concerned, Hikaru was great and deserved all of the happiness in the world.

Just...did he have to see her all of the time?

If he wasn't eating lunch with her, he was spending the night in her quarters. If he wasn't spending the night in her quarters, they were at the water park together. If they weren't at the water park together, they were sparring together, which honestly was a little weird in Pavel's opinion. He was even teaching her how to fence.

This last was unforgivable.

Fencing had been _their_ thing!

Now with his new girlfriend monopolizing all of his time, Pavel had just fallen to the wayside.

When they had first gotten together, Pavel hadn't minded this. It was a new romance and that happened. He had dated a few people himself, so he knew how it went.

Briefly, he reminded himself that he owed Irina a letter.

This, however, was ridiculous. It had been three months and they still were together all of the freaking time.

Hikaru seldom made time for him anymore, and when he did all he could talk about was Christine this or that. Even if it was just the two of them, like it had been for lunch the other day, all Hikaru could could speak of was his wonderful Christine.

But what could he really say? Most likely, he would just tell him he was being ridiculous and call him childish or something. Or worse, say he was jealous of what they had.

Which...to be fair, Pavel was jealous and he realized this.

Just...not in _that_ way.

He did feel rather like he'd be spoiling his friend's happiness, though. So he figured he'd just try to make plans with him whenever he could. Rather frustratingly, it seemed to always result in something that started with _Oh well, Christine and I_...

Bitterly, Pavel remembered when it used to be _Pavel and I_ as he entered the entry code to their suite. The door opened and he stepped inside.

“Hikaru?” Pavel called into the darkness. That was odd, Hikaru had been on alpha shift that day. He should definitely have been back before him. That was when he noticed his door was closed. Sulu only closed his door when he was sleeping, maybe he was just taking a nap. He walked over to the pilot's door and knocked a few times. “Hikaru!”

It took a while, but the door eventually opened and Sulu caught it so it only slid part way. He also wasn't wearing anything except his boxer shorts and his hair was mussed. “Pavel? Oh wow, beta shift's already over?”

Pavel blinked several times. “I...have new game. Thought we could perhaps play it?”

Hikaru smiled thinly. “Uh, I would but I'm kinda busy.”

The door being only partially open suddenly made a lot of sense and Pavel once again found he felt sick to his stomach. “Oh. Perhaps...when you are finished?”

“Um...” Sulu looked back into his room over his shoulder for a moment. “I...”

“Never mind. Forget I said.” Pavel forced himself to smile in the off-chance that Hikaru would feel badly about this. “Another time.”

“Hey thanks,” Sulu's smile became more genuine. “And um...we'll try to keep it down.” Sulu stepped back and pushed the button to close his door, leaving Pavel alone.

Of course he was with her.

Of _course_.

He should have known better, some genius he was supposed to be.

Pavel stalked over to the living room with a sour look on his face.

This was getting ridiculous.

It was bad enough that she had stolen his best friend, but now he couldn't even come back to his own quarters without having that fact shoved in his face. It was almost as if they were flaunting it.

He paced around their couch angrily a few times before he finally decided that he needed some air. Hastily he threw off his gold tunic, not caring if it ended up on the floor. Hikaru usually insisted they keep their quarters pretty clean, but Pavel found he was fairly indifferent to what his roommate wanted at that moment.

Honestly, what he most was in the mood for was a fight. He held no illusions about his combat capabilities, however, and decided going for a long run was a more sensible alternative. He stepped into his room and changed into his Starfleet Academy marathon t-shirt, shorts, and trainers.

Some best friend.

He made his way past the roller rink to the gym with a sour look on his face. Riley and a few of the guys were in there working out and he nodded a curt hello to them as he made his way to a treadmill.

“Computer, training program Chekov. Please load media library file Pavel-twelve.”

Pavel-twelve was his _angry_ playlist. He didn't use it often, but he found that nothing else would do. He put in his earbuds and began to run.

The problem wasn't Hikaru, he decided as he hit the first kilometer mark.

The problem...the problem was _her_.

Oh sure, he technically had no issue with Christine Chapel. She was actually really nice and funny. She refused to put up with the doctor yelling at her which, Pavel had to grudgingly admit, impressed him. She was very good at her job. She was extremely pretty.

As far as Pavel could tell, she was practically perfect. Well, aside from the whole friend-stealing devil-woman thing.

But if he could figure something out, get her out of the way somehow, he was sure he would have his Hikaru back in no time.

Sure Hikaru would be a little sad when they would end things, but that was where his good friend Pavel would come in, with cookies and games and tons of time to spend cheering him up!

A nagging voice in the back of his head that sounded suspiciously like Hikaru told him this wasn't very nice. But, he had _been_ nice and patient and it was getting him nowhere. Maybe he wouldn't outright scheme but if he could help the inevitable along...well that was fine, right?

He started to smile to himself as he kept his pace and passed kilometer number two.

These thoughts bore more careful examination after his run.

\-----

Jim sat on the couch in the quarters he shared with Bones, knees bent with a PADD balanced on his thighs. His stylus was in his left hand as he went through the week's TPS reports. It was nothing that couldn't wait until later, but after almost two years in space he knew better.

Every single time he put off his paperwork before a mission, it ended up going straight to hell in a hand-basket. This of course meant that they were so busy putting out the fires he never got around to it. And then Pike would end up calling him with what Jim privately referred to as his _disappointed dad face_.

He really hated Pike's _disappointed dad face_.

So here he was doing his paperwork and handing it in early, which made him fairly content.

Sometimes he wondered about what had become of his life that he took doing paperwork early as something good and not, like, being a suck up or something else.

Then again, being James Tiberius Kirk was awesome for a multitude of reasons. The universe had to spread such awesome all around, so there was bound to be some minor fail here or there.

He dimly heard the door open. Without looking up, he knew the main reason his life was awesome had just come back to quarters after his shift.

He continued going over his reports and he felt Bones sit down next to his feet on the couch. He glanced up and smiled at him before looking back over the paperwork.

They sat together for a while, neither of them speaking. Eventually, Bones reached out his hands and undid the fastenings on Jim's right boot. Jim kept his head down somewhat so the doctor wouldn't see his grin as the boot was slowly pulled off. Bones repeated the process with the left one, leaving Jim in just his socks and regulation trousers. The captain felt warm hands slide up and under his pants' legs and start massaging his calves.

He couldn't hide it any longer. Jim looked up, his grin firmly in place as he met Bones' heated gaze. Yeah, that was about what he had expected to see.

'You're such a piece of shit,” he finally said.

“Put the PADD down, Jim,” was all he got in reply. Jim raised one of his eyebrows, but did as he was told and placed his PADD on their coffee table. It was Bones' turn to smirk and he shifted so that he was kneeling on the couch. He moved into position so that he was laying over top of Jim, propped up on his hands. “Hi,” Bones whispered.

They kissed, a slow lazy one that made Jim whimper a little as he wound his hands into Bones' hair. He spread his legs to better accommodate his lover and Bones made a low growl in the back of his throat.

God, he loved those sounds.

They lay there for a while, not in any hurry to move things along. They did eventually have to come up for air and Bones nuzzled Jim's neck.

“You think coming in here like this is going to change the - _ah_ \- fact that I noticed you daydreaming, Doctor McCoy?”

“Picked up on that, huh?” Bones mumbled in between kisses.

“Mm-hmm,” Jim said as he moved to give Bones better access. “One day when you do that, I'm putting you in the landing party on purpose.”

“The very thought is enough to strike fear, Captain.” It really wasn't fair how Bones could deadpan like that in the middle of making out. Jim pouted for a moment at the injustice of it all, until his mouth was captured in another deep kiss.

Speaking of the meeting...

“Uhura says we flirt too much,” he gasped when the kiss ended.

That was enough to make Bones back off a bit with a raised eyebrow. Hey, no, come back. “Does she?”

“Yeah. She says we're setting a bad example.”

Bones looked thoughtful. “Sulu and Christine?”

“Sulu and Christine.” Jim nodded. “I told her we'd be more professional.”

“Probably not a bad idea,” Bones agreed. “Although...we're a lot better than we were.”

Jim nodded again. They had toned it down a lot since the time Scotty lost it and threw his PADD at the wall. Really for five people who had been so dead set on getting them together, they sure acted like jerks about their relationship. “I think any is too much in this case. And she's right, even if we don't do it in front of the regular crew, we really shouldn't be doing it at all.” He tilted his head to one side. “I mean when we're off duty like now, whatever, they wouldn't care. We just...need to be more careful with the meetings.”

Bones smiled. “I think we can agree to those terms.” He leaned back down towards Jim. That was much better.

They kissed again.

And again.

Pretty soon, nothing else mattered except the feel of skin on skin.

\-----

Hikaru wrapped his arms around his girlfriend as Christine smiled and snuggled in closer to him and he kissed her shoulder.

Things had been going amazingly well ever since Kirk had practically shoved him at her during her birthday party a couple of months ago. Hikaru had never connected with anyone like he had her and it was absolutely thrilling. Admittedly he had been a bit surprised the first time she had teased him into sparring with her, but he had never been happier to have his ass kicked than he was that afternoon.

Come to think of it, she always won their sparring matches.

Hikaru felt like maybe he should wonder about that a bit more, but honestly? His girlfriend being able to take him in a fight was _hot_. She evidently agreed, because more often than not things would go like they had that afternoon; they'd start on the mats and end up in bed.

Mimi Sulu had not raised a fool and Hikaru knew better than to complain about that.

“By the way...” The sound of Christine's voice brought Hikaru out of his thoughts. “Who was that earlier? Was that Pavel?”

Sulu made a soft _hmm_ noise in the back of his throat. “Yeah, it was just him. I feel kind-of bad about that, I didn't realize he'd be here.”

“You two are pretty tight.”

“Well, he is my best friend,” he replied. “We got paired together for flight sim training back at the academy and we've always worked together seamlessly, even that first time. I asked if we could train together off-hours and it just grew from there.”

Chris had turned somewhat somber. She picked at a spot on his sheets.

“Hey,” he lifted her chin so she could look him in the eye. “What gives?”

“Do you think he feels left out?”

Hikaru gave her a funny look. “What, like a threesome or something? Because I'm not comfortable with...”

“No, you ass,” she laughed as she smacked him on the arm. “I mean, do you think he feels like a third wheel or pushed to the side or anything?”

“Honestly?” He thought for a moment. “I don't think so, I mean we just had lunch together yesterday. Not to mention that Pavel's one of the most direct people I've ever met. He'd come right out and tell me if something were wrong.” Sulu smiled at her. “It's sweet of you to worry though.”

Chris smiled back easily. “You're probably right.” She stretched lightly. “I should get going.”

“Oh come on,” he groaned. “I know you're on alpha shift tomorrow, but we can get you up early enough where you can change before heading to sick bay.”

The nurse raised her eyebrow and Sulu gave her a pleading expression. They looked at each other like that for a few minutes and finally she sighed. She settled herself in more comfortably and, realizing he had won, Hikaru grinned.

“Fine, but if I'm late I'm ratting you out to Leonard.”

\-----

Scotty stood with Keenser and Richards with a perplexed look on his face.

The Enterprise had entered orbit near Castro. It was nighttime on the side of the planet they were visiting, so the landing party was due to beam down first thing in the morning. Only a few minutes after their arrival, Scotty had been called to the transporter room the two engineers in order to have a look at something troubling.

“You're absolutely sure?”

“Yes sir,” Richards said. Keenser nodded.

“There was a completely random energy spike in them ten minutes ago,” Keenser supplied. “It was big enough that we noticed it, even though they're powered down.”

Scotty tilted his head to one side. “That's not only peculiar but ominous.” He knelt down and took a closer look at one transporter pad in particular. “She do it again?”

“No sir,” Richards answered. “Just the once and it doesn't appear to be ongoing. It just was the strangest thing and we figured better safe than sorry.

Scotty kept looking at the pad closely, almost as if it had personally betrayed him. “What are you doing, love?” He pat the floor next to the pad fondly. “You feeling temperamental?”

His two top staff members watched him warily.

Scotty finally stood back up. “Ship's telling me she's fine now. We need the transporters for the away mission tomorrow morning; the shuttles aren't an option this time as they'd most certainly crash into the debris.” He crossed his arms and looked back down at the pad. “We'll just keep an eye on her in the meanwhile. If it happens again, then I'll take a deeper look. There's no sense in hitting the alarm over one spike.” He pat the wall a few times. “Is there, love?”

Richards blinked several times and then looked down at Keenser. The small green man was long used to Scotty's unique brand of insanity and just shrugged. Richards sighed.

She still wasn't paid enough for this.

\-----

“I think we destroyed the living room again,” Jim said as he stared up at the ceiling.

From where he lay on his back next to him, Bones snorted. “And what? Are we having guests?”

Jim rolled his eyes in a good-natured manner. “ _And_ we just cleaned yesterday. I swear with you around, it's like Sisyphus pushing the rock some days.”

Bones shifted so he was on his side in order to get a proper look at Jim's face. “I can't believe we still have to have this conversation. You're not some innocent little lamb and I'm not the big bad wolf coming to get you.”

“You go right ahead and tell yourself that,” Jim said with a grin. “I mean, here I was doing my paperwork and you came in all tempting and hot. What am I supposed to do?”

Bones frowned. “It wasn't urgent.”

“How do you know?” Jim sat up, determined to prove his point. “It could have been _extremely_ urgent.”

“You never do urgent paperwork here. You only ever do it in your ready room.”

Jim opened his mouth to reply, then closed it rather abruptly.

Fuck.

He scowled and Bones got the most smug expression _ever_ in response.

“All right, fine, it wasn't urgent,” Jim said as he poked him hard in the chest. “The point still stands about you, douchebag.”

“I'll take that,” the doctor said smoothly. Appeased, Jim lay back down. Bones quickly pulled him into his arms, and he rested his head on his shoulder. The blond sighed contentedly before moving so that they were face to face again.

“I love you,” he said softly.

Bones smiled and pulled him into a gentle kiss. When it ended, Jim shifted once more so that his head was on the other man's shoulder and he closed his eyes.

“Computer, lights out,” Bones called and the room became dark. He planted a kiss on Jim's hairline before whispering “Good night, Jim.”

Jim smiled even though he knew Bones couldn't tell in the dark. He always made him feel so...

His eyes opened back up.

That was weird.

Bones hadn't said _I love you_ back to him.

At that moment, a huge yawn came out of his mouth. Well, it wasn't that big of a deal; just a one time thing or something.

He closed his eyes for the second time, and it wasn't long before he drifted off to sleep.

  
[Chapter Two](http://ken-ichijouji.livejournal.com/25730.html)   



	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the Enterprise's newest mission, a voyage to a little planet called Castro III. For once, obeying the Prime Directive is the least of their worries. It's hard to be in Starfleet when you have to deal with transporter malfunctions, video game sessions, rings, jail cells, matador costumes, bowling matches, miscommunications, spies, observation deck talks, champagne, disciplinary hearings, new nicknames, romantic dinners, and a pair of people who won't be talking when the dust settles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kirk/Bones, Spock/Uhura, Sulu/Chapel

_**Fic: The Movie Never Ends (It Goes On and On and On and On) 2/6**_  
Title: The Movie Never Ends (It Goes On and On and On and On)  
Series: Star Trek XI: [waterpark 'verse](http://ken-ichijouji.livejournal.com/21874.html)  
Rating: PG-13 for swearing and some fade to black hanky-panky  
Total Word Count: Are you ready for this shit? **44,841**. It's just...it's full of stars.  
Summary: Welcome to the Enterprise's newest mission, a voyage to a little planet called Castro III. For once, obeying the Prime Directive is the least of their worries. It's hard to be in Starfleet when you have to deal with transporter malfunctions, video game sessions, rings, jail cells, matador costumes, bowling matches, miscommunications, spies, observation deck talks, champagne, disciplinary hearings, new nicknames, romantic dinners, and a pair of people who won't be talking when the dust settles.  
Pairing Notes: Kirk/Bones, Spock/Uhura, Sulu/Chapel  
Notes: This takes place a year and eight months into the five year mission, meaning Kirk and Bones have been dating for eight months. (LOL POSTING IN MY OWN UNIVERSE OUT OF ORDER.) If you haven't read everything else in the land of waterparks and roller rinks, certain things will be confusing to you.

In something of a shoutout to my _Gossip Girl_ AU, the song that Jim and Sulu sing together is [Empire State of Mind](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0UjsXo9l6I8) by Jay-Z and Alicia Keys.

All previous notes and warnings apply.

 _Two days ago_

As usual when there was an away team due to beam down to a planet, a small crowd gathered in the transporter room to send them off. Richards had taken over the actual transporter duties so that Scotty would be immediately free to go to the bridge. Bones and Uhura stood on either side of him and they watched their crew mates prepare to leave.

Jim bounced on the balls of his feet as he gave his phaser the once over; good, it appeared to be in full working order. The captain of the Enterprise made a habit of checking them over carefully after the incident where his got stuck halfway between stun and kill during a rather hectic battle with some angry Romulans.

Spock stood next to him, as impassive as always, running the same diagnostics on his equipment. He deftly placed his phaser back into his holster and stood with his hands behind his back.

Walter Anderson, also known affectionately as Cupcake, did the same more quickly and with a bit more precision. He was the Security Chief for a reason, after all.

Chekov watched them do this and thought for a moment. He then made a big spectacle of doing the same and tried to show off a little by twirling the phaser around his finger. The phaser promptly dropped to the floor with a loud clang. Everyone stopped what they were doing to look at him, some with mild amusement. He sheepishly smiled at them before bending down at the knees to pick it up.

“Everything okay there, Chekov?” Kirk said with a raised eyebrow.

“Yes, sir,” came the response from the ensign.

Cupcake rolled his eyes. “Right.” He began to make his way over to the transporter pad. Chekov looked around the room once and, when he didn't see Sulu, his smile turned into a pronounced frown. At that moment, the PADD that was attached to his belt vibrated. He grabbed it and opened the message there.

 _Pavel,_

 _Didn't get up in time to get down there before going on duty. Good luck today! Also, if you can, try to keep Kirk and Spock from angering the natives this time. Do svidaniya!_

 _-Hikaru_

Chekov frowned. On the one hand, it meant something that Hikaru had the courtesy to message him. On the other hand, he knew he made the time to have breakfast with Christine before going to the bridge; he heard them talking as they left earlier. It figured, he didn't even rate higher than a text message these days. He angrily deleted it before strapping the PADD back where it belonged. Without so much as another glance at anyone else, he stepped onto the transporter next to Cupcake.

Uhura and Bones took that as their cue and walked over to their respective partners.

Nyota smiled up at Spock. “I know this goes without saying, but be careful. We don't have a lot of information on these people, they could be hostile.”

“I shall endeavor to be conservative in how I approach them,” he said with a nod. She held out the first two fingers of her right hand and he quickly touched his to hers. They stayed like that for a moment.

Perhaps now was the time to ask.

“Nyota...” Spock began.

She looked up at him with a curious expression. “Yes?”

Spock swallowed thickly. He opened his mouth, and then swallowed a second time. He glanced around the room and felt himself grow nervous once he remembered that all of the others were present as well.

Perhaps not.

“I...” He shook his head. “Nothing. It is of no significance.” He anxiously jerked his hand away and she looked down at hers with a confused and somewhat hurt face. Nyota looked back up at him for a moment, as if she were about to speak again. She quickly decided against it and chose instead to step back.

Nearby, Jim half-smiled at Leonard. “So this is it.”

“Try not to get shot or accelerated or anything,” Bones said gruffly. The softness in his eyes betrayed the rough tone of his voice and Jim found himself losing some of his usual confident front from all of the affection he saw there.

“I never do that on purpose you know,” he argued playfully. “It just happens.”

“Weather just happens, Jim,” Bones retorted with a raised eyebrow. “You simply have the dumbest luck in the galaxy.”

“It's not all dumb,” the captain protested. “I mean...I got you, didn't I?”

At that, Bones noticeably had trouble hiding a smile. “Just be careful, you idiot.”

“Sure, Bones.” He went to caress the doctor's face with his hand before remembering what he promised Uhura. He quickly began to rub the back of his neck instead. Bones didn't look offended, he obviously understood and Jim winked at him before saying a somewhat casual, “Love you.”

It was at this that Bones finally allowed the grin on his face. They stood looking at each other and then it was the doctor's turn to move backwards. “Good luck,” he said softly with a wink of his own.

Jim's own smile slipped a little.

“Excuse me,” Chekov snapped from the pad. Once again, everyone stared at him. “We have mission. We can leave today?”

Four individual eyebrows were raised from four different people. Cupcake and Richards both buried their faces in their hands while Scotty gave Chekov a pointed look.

“There's no need to get stroppy, Chekov. You're still right on schedule,” the Scotsman pointed out.

Chekov crossed his arms and made a small huffing noise.

Kirk coughed. “Okay. Since someone apparently made Chekov the Boss of Us,” he said with a less than impressed tone and Chekov looked appropriately guilty, “We should step on it.”

Without another word, he and Spock stepped onto the pad and got into position. He nodded over to Richards, who placed her hands over the appropriate controls. “Energize.”

The warning lights went red, the transporter whirred to life, and in a flash of bright white they were all gone.

\------

Once the lights of the transporter cleared, the landing party found themselves in what appeared to be a city square. The four men looked around themselves for a moment and took in the sights, Cupcake making it a point to keep a hand on his phaser at all times.

The architecture, strangely, was reminiscent of that of the Earth from the late twenty-first century. There were little shops all around them and a fountain in the middle of a large square. The square faced a city street that was deserted; there wasn't any type of vehicle parked along it, no one was using the street at all.

Jim looked up at a sign over a nearby building. _Starbucks Coffee_ is what the letters spelled. That was really weird, they had those back on Earth. Although if he wanted a dry cappuccino while on the mission now he knew where to go.

Come to mention it, all of the shops had signs up in them saying that they were closed. Something was equally strange was that all of the signs were in Federation standard.

But how? The Federation had never made contact, that was the whole reason why the _Enterprise_ was there in the first place.

Something was really not adding up about all of this.

They were thousands of light years away from home, why would everything be styled like Earth?

Unfortunately, nothing was standing out as a city hall or capital building so they would have to find someone and ask for help. Not a big deal, but from the looks of how deserted the place was it could take them time to find anyone.

Kirk shielded his eyes for a moment from the sunlight. “I guess we should go see if we can find some people or something,” he said to his traveling companions. Spock looked up with a raised eyebrow from his tricorder.

“I am getting readings coming from that direction,” the first officer said as he pointed to a large almost warehouse-looking building down the street from them. “From the readings, there appear to be humanoids in that building. I am also reading their technology, and it is indeed the equivalent of the late twenty-first century.” Spock dropped the tricorder from in front of his face.

Chekov nodded his agreement. “Going from tricorder, lots of people are gathered there.”

“It would be logical to assume that the head of the Castro government is there as well.”

“Makes sense.” Jim dropped his hand from above his eyes. “Off we go, into the wild blue yonder.” With that, he began walking towards the mentioned building, Chekov and Cupcake following close behind him. Spock lagged behind for a moment, as he was too busy wondering exactly what a blue yonder was let alone why it would be wild or how you would wander into it. Deciding quickly that it was another one of those pesky human idioms, he caught up to the others.

The foursome shortly found themselves in front of the double-doors leading into the building. Jim narrowed his eyes and looked up at it for a moment.

“Something about this place...”

“Yes, Captain?” Spock looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

Jim shook his head a few times. “Nothing's wrong, just this building...it reminds me of something.”

“I get that feeling too,” Cupcake joined in. “I can't put my finger on what it is, but it's like I've been to one of these before. It's probably because of how generic it looks.”

“That's true,” Jim agreed. “It does kind of look like any old building. Oh well.” He gestured to the doors. “Think we should knock or just walk in?”

“Who would hear? It is rather large.” Chekov turned off his tricorder and put it back into the pouch on his belt. “Walk in is better.”

Spock nodded. “There do not appear to be any sort of hidden traps.”

That was good to hear. It was also a nice change. “Okay, let's go in.” He pushed open the appropriate door and held it for his men. One by one they filed inside, Jim bringing up the rear.

They were immediately greeted by the sound of incredibly loud music, only drowned out by loud crashing sounds and cheering. The sounds grew louder as the Starfleet officers made their way through a dark hallway until they reached the end and saw what was before them in the building.

Both of Jim's eyebrows shot up.

Fifty wooden lanes went from one end of the building to the other. There was a large area with a sign over it reading “Snack Bar” with pictures of things like nachos, hamburgers, and pitchers of beer, as well as booths to sit in while eating. Another smaller section was filled with old-fashioned video games and several pool tables. Racks upon racks of brightly colored balls of different weights were scattered all throughout the place.

Yup.

It was a bowling alley.

“This explains why it looked familiar,” Jim said under his breath. He closed his eyes for a moment, and then turned to pay closer attention to what was happening down the aisle from them.

The cheering was coming from the middle two lanes, where one man in a Hawaiian print shirt and sunglasses was about to bowl. In the next lane over a man stood in a plain black button up shirt, having obviously just finished his turn. A large crowd had gathered around them, it must have been at least two hundred people. Spock's readings had been right, they were definitely all humanoid.

Hell, if Jim hadn't known where they were he would think he was back on Earth.

The man in the Hawaiian shirt took his sapphire blue ball off the return and held it carefully. He stood and considered the ten pins in front of him for a moment before finally moving towards the line and taking aim. He deftly released the ball from his right hand and it sped down the lane to the end.

His aim was true and he struck the middle front pin, nine of them falling with the seven pin tilting back and forth.

The room was deadly silent save for the music, which Jim now startlingly recognized as ABBA.

The pin finally leaned to the left and then fell over. He had bowled a strike.

His ball came back and he bowled another strike, and then yet another one. Finally, the man raised both of his hands into the air. “There it is! There! It! Is!”

The crowd went nuts and his opponent angrily ripped off the glove on his left hand and threw it on the ground in disgust. The victor was being congratulated by various people from the crowd, including some children.

It must have been some kind of tournament or something.

“Huh,” was all Jim found he could say. Honestly they had seen stranger things since their time in space, such as the Planet They Did Not Discuss. Maybe now that this bowling match or tournament or whatever was over, they could get the attention of one of the townspeople and find out where their leader was. “Let's go, guys.”

Spock nodded his agreement and they made their way to the crowd. At first, they went unnoticed as everyone was either surrounding the victor or consoling the loser.

“You can try again in six months, Donny,” they heard one woman say to the man in the black shirt. He nodded bitterly and glared at his opponent.

“Hi,” Jim finally said as he waved to a woman about college age. “If you don't mind, my friends and I need some assistance. We're looking for your...” His voice trailed off as the woman let out a loud shriek.

“Aliens!” She clapped her hands together and jumped up and down. The crowd stopped what they were all doing and stared at the Starfleet officers. Cupcake nervously put his hand on his phaser.

“Well I'll be,” the man in the Hawaiian shirt said. “I wasn't sure we'd ever get more of you here.”

Chekov and Kirk exchanged odd looks. “Uh...more of us?”

“And just in time for the election too,” the man who had been called “Donny” said.

“Election? You're all voting today?” Cupcake had an interested look on his face.

A man in a police uniform smiled. “Voting? No, you just saw the end of the election.”

Jim blinked rapidly. “The...the what?”

The crowd had surrounded the four of them and even Spock looked apprehensive.

“I know what that word means, but this does not make sense,” Chekov said quietly. The others found they did not disagree with him.

“This planet elects its officials...through bowling matches?” To say that Cupcake was confused was a gross understatement.

“We must have misheard him,” Jim said. “That just...yeah. I guess it can't hurt to talk to him anyways though.” He shrugged and a brave little boy came up to him and tugged on the hem of his tunic. Jim looked down at him curiously.

“Have you come to show us more things?” The little boy's green eyes were as round as saucers.

“We um,” Jim began. They hadn't been expecting this at all. “Captain James T. Kirk of the _USS Enterprise_. We're from Starfleet and we're here to speak with your head of state or mayor or...whatever. If you could just point him out to us we'd be extremely grateful.”

The main in the sunglasses lifted them up and perched them on top of his head. He held out his hand in greeting. “I'm the Dude.” He raised an eyebrow and gave Jim a long appraising stare.

Jim blinked twice. The...what?

Manners kicking in quickly, Jim reached out and took the, er, Dude's hand. His handshake was a little more firm than strictly necessary and Jim fought back a wince.

This was getting stranger and stranger by the minute. Jim gave Spock a look that was silently asking for help.

“I am afraid you have us at a disadvantage,” Spock began. “We are unfamiliar with your culture and are not entirely certain what you mean when you say 'more of us'.”

The Dude looked at Jim questioningly. Jim shrugged. “This is my first officer, Spock. Also Ensign Chekov...” Chekov smiled and waved. “...And Lieutenant Anderson.” Cupcake looked at Kirk oddly for a second at the use of his actual name; quickly recovering, he nodded. “Our...reports showed that there was intelligent life here but they didn't tell us much else; if you have the time, we'd love to learn more. Naturally, and of course in return, we'll tell you more about us.”

The Dude gave them all the same appraising stare he had given Jim. A slow smile formed on his face. “Certainly. I'd love to hear all about your...Starfleet.” He turned towards the snack bar. “Hey Laverne!”

A red-haired woman in a hairnet stopped pouring a pitcher of beer to look over at him. “Yes, sir?”

“When you have a second, give me five White Russians and a large pizza with the works.” He pointed to Jim and his group. “We'll be in the back having ourselves a long talk.”

\-----

Hikaru Sulu made his way into the mess hall at lunchtime, scanning the room for a long minute. Finally spotting his girlfriend in line for a drink, he quickly made his way over to her. Christine's back was to him and he grinned as he slipped his arms around her waist.

That was when she elbowed him hard in the abdomen.

“Oh God,” he groaned as he doubled-over. He dimly was aware of her gasping and when he looked up she had a hand clapped over her mouth.

“Oh, shit,” she cried. “Hikaru, I am so sorry!”

“It's...okay...” he wheezed. “Just...my liver...”

Carefully she helped him to stand back upright, and he breathed heavily for a few minutes before finally feeling like he was back to normal. She stroked his hair gently.

“God I just...you scared me and...I'm the worst girlfriend,” she babbled with a sad expression. He smiled shakily at her.

“No, it's what I get for sneaking up on you. After the way you wiped the floor with me yesterday, I should know better.” He rubbed his stomach thoughtfully. “I'll just never, ever do that again.”

“Probably wise,” she agreed. Her face was slightly less sad but it was clear she still felt horrible about the situation. Without another word, he grabbed her glass of iced tea and they began to walk back to her table towards the back.

“Well I was going to ask you to dinner tonight,” Hikaru said with a laugh. “But now I think I need to invest in some safety gear first.

Chris blushed a little. “Well I...”

“No no, I'm just teasing you,” he grinned as he sat her drink down. He pulled her chair out for her and she took it gracefully. Hikaru quickly took the chair across from her.

“I know you are,” she said with a reassuring smile and she reached for his hand across the table. He opened his hand to hers, running his thumb across the backs of her fingers. “That isn't what I was going to say.”

“Oh.” Open mouth, insert foot. He wondered for a moment if this was how it always felt to be Kirk. “Then what is it?”

“I can't hang out tonight,” Chris replied. “I'm extremely behind on my...medical journals, and I need to spend the evening playing catch up.”

Hikaru nodded. “No that's fine. I don't mind at all.”

“Oh good,” she said. “I was worried you'd be offended.”

“Nah,” Hikaru answered. He then started to smirk. “This way I can spend the night with my other girlfriend.”

Christine raised her eyebrow. “'Other girlfriend', eh?”

“Yeah, other girlfriend.” Hey, she had elbowed him really hard. He could be a bit of an ass about this. “Gertrude gets kind of lonely sometimes.”

Gertrude, of course, being his favorite plant in the botany lab.

“I don't know if I should feel relieved or insulted,” Christine finally said. “I think I'll go with a little of both.”

“Life is full of compromises,” Hikaru said with a shrug. She let go of his hand to push him in the shoulder. “Hey! First you knock the wind out of me, now you're shoving me. I'm starting to feel battered here.”

“You might just be if you don't knock it off,” she laughed. Although she did take his hand again. “You get your shot yet?”

“No, I'm going down there when I get off my shift. I owe McCoy a chat anyways, we haven't had much time to catch up lately.”

Chris nodded. “My boyfriend and my boss getting along so well sure does make my life easier.”

“Well if it wasn't for him and Kirk, I never would have gotten the courage to ask you out.”

“Spreading the happiness around, are they?” She thought back to what she privately referred to as _Sandwichgate_. “Even if they are disgusting.”

Hikaru threw his head back and laughed. “Because we're not?”

“Hey, neither of us are as crotchety as Leonard,” she pointed out. “It's almost off-putting to see him this way.” She was thoughtful for a moment. “He does freak out at us less often, so I guess it's not all bad.”

“Well, then. I am all for anything that results in you having an easier time at work.”

One lunch shift started to end and people began to filter in and out of the mess hall. The pair looked at each other, realizing their time was nearly up. Christine finished her drink.

“That's our cue,” Hikaru said with a sigh. She nodded at him once and they both stood. “So I'll just see you for breakfast then?”

“Sounds perfect,” she answered with a smile. They had to go in separate directions; her to the dish return and him out the door. She kissed him on the cheek. “Have a good rest of your day.”

“You too,” Hikaru said with a wave. He then made his way back to the bridge, whistling happily.

\----

The five men sat at a large round table towards the back of the snack bar, a huge pizza sitting on a stand in the middle. They ate in silence, except for Spock who was still picking slices of ham and pepperoni off of his piece.

The Dude looked at him curiously. “If it's not to your liking...”

“No it's fine, he's just a vegetarian,” Jim answered for Spock. Spock nodded his agreement, his eyes never leaving his pizza.

“This would be considerably easier if the meat was not baked underneath the cheese,” he said under his breath. Chekov and Cupcake were eating their own slices with no issues.

“Oh, I didn't even think to ask.” The Dude paused as he took a sip of his White Russian. “We don't have many of those here in Lebowski.”

“Lebowski?” Chekov pronounced it like _Liebovski_. The Dude shook his head.

“No son, Lebowski,” he explained.

Chekov looked mildly confused. “Is not what I said?” Kirk shushed him.

“We were a very primitive people until a little less than 200 years ago when a craft from far through space crashed here. Called the _Icarus_ , I believe.” The Dude rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “The crew was only a few dozen people, but they had brought with them a lot of their culture and technology. They shared it all with us, something for which we're still quite grateful. Most revered among their possessions was a film that we've adopted as our complete way of life.”

“I think we can guess which one,” Jim remarked dryly.

“Ever since then, we've been advancing ourselves as quickly as we possibly could. We only just this past year managed to fabricate spaceships of our own.” He grew somber for a moment. “All of our attempts have failed from the debris in the space directly around us. As best we can figure out, something trigged some kind of chain reaction in our third moon three hundred years ago. The explosion devastated our planet. Lebowski is the only viable terrain on this entire world, and there's only about five hundred of us here.” The Dude took a long sip of his drink. “I've been fairly elected for ten years now as the complete ruler of these people.”

Wait a minute. “Did you say the _Icarus_?” Finally satisfied with his pizza, Spock had begun to eat.

“Yes, son, that was definitely the name of the vessel.”

Jim and Cupcake looked at Spock curiously. “The _Icarus_ was a small exploratory starship, one of the first of its kind with a small warp drive for Starfleet. It disappeared on its maiden voyage in the late twenty-first century. It would be logical to assume that the vessel crash-landed here and, with the lack of proper technological advancement for repairs, the crew had no choice but to remain. It is also likely that their communications equipment became damaged and they were unable to explain what had occurred.”

That actually did make a lot of sense.

“And since back then we hadn't really ironed out the whole Prime Directive thing...”

“Precisely.” The pizza was actually quite good Spock was finding. He wasn't sure if it was exactly worth it to get a second slice, though. “This explains much about their culture, such as their architecture. This civilization is clearly a type of cargo cult fabricated off of twenty-first century media.”

“Could you two stop talking like I'm not sitting right here?” The Dude took another sip of his drink. Jim smiled at him apologetically.

“Sorry about that Mr. Dude.” He shrugged. “You know how it is, you figure something out and you just can't stop.”

The Dude nodded as if he did in fact understand. “Anyways, we're a quiet bunch of people, but there's only so much we can develop on our own. We still haven't figure out a way to repair all of the damages that have been made to this planet.” He smiled again and this one Jim had a hard time reading. “If you all don't mind me asking...how'd you get down here from your ship anyways? The debris makes it impossible for ships to enter or leave our atmosphere.” He frowned. “That is, after all, why our own attempts at space travel have failed.”

“We...use what's called a transporter,” Jim said. He didn't mind answering, it was a fair question. “It's essentially a teleportation machine. It basically turns us into energy and then beams us to another location.”

“I see,” The Dude looked at Jim carefully. “I bet that's mighty convenient if you need to get some place.”

Jim shrugged. “It has its uses.”

“The people who landed here previously, they didn't have anything like that.” The Dude stopped for a bite of pizza. “Clearly as it's been some time since that happened, you're all much more advanced. Your...Federation can definitely give us what we need. Now that you're here, I can say all of our problems are over.”

Jim opened his mouth to speak, then closed it. “Well I don't know about all of that, but I can definitely tell you more about us. The United Federation of Planets is an interplanetary federal republic that includes over a hundred planetary members as well as their colonies all across 8,000 light years of this galaxy.” He leaned forward. “We stress universal liberty, equality, justice, peace, and cooperation. The four of us are members of Starfleet, the Federation's peace-keeping armada...”

“That's very nice, but when would we get our spaceships?” The Dude had also leaned forward in his chair. “If my people ever have a chance of surviving for good, we need to get out of here to a place more sustainable.”

Jim blinked. “Well...when we've helped you develop enough that you can handle them on your own.” He felt like he had regained some of his footing finally, so he continued. “Like I said, the Federation stresses cooperation.” He gestured to himself with an open hand. “We will help you out with terraforming and making this planet more sustainable, and you...” He pointed to the Dude. “Will get your ships in due time.”

The five men ate in a somewhat uncomfortable silence as the Dude gave consideration to everything that had been said.

Finally, the Dude nodded once. “I see. Then it sounds good...”

“Great.” Jim grinned. This was going very, very well. “We'll just draw up the paperwork and...”

“Except I can't formally accept yet.” The Dude sat back in his chair. “All legislative decisions are decided the same way as the public offices here in Lebowski. It's just our tradition, you understand. We find it's the most...fair way of making policy.” He smiled again. “You get a team together and if you beat me and five of my people, then we can join the Federation. If not, we stay to ourselves.” The Dude finished his drink. “Two days from now enough time for y'all to get ready?”

The four officers all froze.

“I'm afraid I don't understand,” Jim finally said.

The Dude tilted his head to one side, as if he couldn't decide if Kirk was sincere or being deliberately obtuse. “Get a six person bowling team together, Captain, and we'll do best out of three games. Whatever team gets the highest points wins; if that team's yours, we're in.” He shrugged. “That's just how it has to be done.”

Yeah, things had been going way too well. Chekov and Cupcake looked stunned and Spock had both of his eyebrows raised. “I...” Jim found he couldn't finish his sentence, he was too shocked.

But really...what choice did he have? They had a mission and they had to do whatever it took to make it successful. As far as jumping through hoops went, this was nothing. It seemed harmless enough, and Jim was a pretty decent bowler himself.

“We're in.”

\-----

Richards stood by at the transporter console, with Keenser by her side this time instead of Scotty. The away team was due back any moment and they were awaiting the standard commlink.

“Kirk to transporter room,” a familiar voice rang out over the speakers on the computer. Perfect timing. “Four to beam up.”

“Stand by,” she said as she took the transporter out of stand-by mode. “Locking on your signal, and energize.”

The warning lights went red and again the transporter whirred to life. For some reason, the readings spiked again and Richards properly adjusted for the energy influx. Four figures slowly formed on the transporter pad. The white lights faded, leaving the away team standing in place.

Richards blinked furiously. She shut her eyes for a moment, and then reopened them. Keenser had a similar reaction.

“Go get Mister Scott,” she said to him. Keenser didn't hear her at first, he was far too shocked. “Keenser, go!”

“Right.” The small man had finally come back to himself and he began to run out of the transporter room. Richards turned her attention back to the four men on the pad.

The four men who, instead of the usual Starfleet uniforms, were wearing long skirts, bikini tops, and towering hats made out of fruit.

“Anyone else's head feel really heavy right...oh my God,” Kirk exclaimed as he looked at Spock. Spock simply looked bored with the whole thing.

“Ensign Richards, there appears to have been a transporter malfunction.”

“I think she got that, Spock,” Kirk said.

Chekov looked down at his clothing, causing his fruit hat to fall apart and tumble onto the ground. He opened his mouth, then closed it, then began to babble frantically in Russian. Cupcake, however, had turned bright red and went to cover himself with both hands. Jim sighed.

At this moment, Bones and Uhura made their way into the transporter room to greet everyone.

“So that was when I...” Bones stopped in mid-sentence as he took in the sight before him. “What the shit is this?”

Uhura's face was completely neutral, although it looked like her lips were twitching. “I have to say, it's not a look I would go for. Somehow it works for all of you.”

Jim rolled his eyes.

Scotty and Keenser came running into the room right behind them, Keenser looking oddly subdued in spite of everything. Scotty had a look of complete and total dismay on his face.

“Aye, you weren't kidding, it is like a bad drag revue.” Scotty made his way over to the console and checked the settings. “You didn't perhaps push the wrong thing?”

“No sir, everything was still calibrated from this morning.”

“And I take it you four didn't just spend hours wandering around the planet like that?”

Chekov and Jim shook their heads furiously, and a banana flew off Jim's hat and smacked Cupcake in the face.

“My eye,” he cried out.

Bones gave a put-upon sigh and stepped up in front of the security officer. “Bend down and open it so I can get a look at you,” the doctor said in an irritated tone. Cupcake obliged and Bones began to examine him.

“That's weird,” Scotty began as he powered down the transporter. “It would stand to reason it wouldn't happen just when people are beaming back.” He rubbed his chin for a moment. “I bet it has something to do with that energy spike from yesterday.”

Richards looked at him seriously. “There was an odd influx of energy just as they started to rematerialize, almost identical to the one from last night.”

Jim and Spock stopped where they stood.

“You were previously aware of this issue, Mister Scott?”

Scotty and Richards shook their heads. “No, Spock, I knew about an _energy spike_. It seemed like it was a one-off, so I figured we were okay in not dismantling the transporter for repairs.” The engineer smiled, although there was no mirth in it. “In the words of our esteemed captain, my bad.”

“You'll have to fix it without taking it apart, Scotty,” Jim began as he stepped down off the pad. “We need it for the next two days.”

“The next two days?” Uhura had finally recovered herself. She may have also taken a couple of pictures of Spock in the outfit for later. “What's going on for the next two days? Did they not agree to join?”

Spock slowly removed his fruit hat and held it in his arms. Fascinating. “The Captain will explain in his ready room.”

“After we change,” Jim added. “Page Sulu for me, would you? Senior staff meeting in ten, except you Scotty.” He stepped off the transporter before stopping short and turning to look at Bones. “You get all that?”

“Ready room in ten,” Bones said absently as he continued looking at Cupcake's eye. “It looks like you got a couple of scratches on the white. Go to medical and have Geoff give you a patch and some drops.” He let go of the other man's face. “In other words, you'll live.”

Cupcake placed his hand back over his eye and nodded. He'd be sure to go down there...as soon as he put a shirt on.

Following Spock's example, Jim also removed his hat. “Scotty, this needs to get fixed, we have no other way down there. No breaks until you've got it.”

“Goes without saying, Captain,” the Scotsman mumbled as he began to open the console. “I won't take down the whole rig, but I'll need to open up parts of her to see what's wrong.”

Jim nodded. “That's fine, just make sure it's back together in four hours. We'll need it again.” With that, Jim began to make his way out of the room, his arms full of fruit. He pointedly ignored the weird looks he got from several crew members as he walked calmly to the turbo lift.

It just never stopped, did it?

\-----

“We have to _what_ ,” Uhura exclaimed.

It was fourteen minutes after the transporter room incident and Jim felt much better now that he was in a fresh uniform. From the looks on their faces, Chekov and Spock agreed whole-heartedly.

“Honestly, that was how I acted at first but it's really not that big of a deal.” Jim shrugged. “I mean, we've seen worse things in the name of Stafleet.”

Sulu nodded. “Yeah, remember that time with the Nazi...”

“Hey. Hey!” Jim clapped his hands angrily. “You know we do _not_ discuss that planet.”

Sulu winced, then looked apologetically at Chekov. “Sorry.”

The navigator did not look appeased. “Insensitive,” was all he said by way of a reply.

“This is a situation of a similar nature to Ekos,” Spock began. Jim glared at him and he merely raised his eyebrow in return. “Once more we are facing a cargo cult based on an Earth culture. Specifically a cult based around the media and technology of the _USS Icarus_ , which crashed on their planet almost two centuries ago. The people have adapted to this, which is how the Yorktown gathered their information. They mostly live through a film from the late 1990s that featured the...sport of bowling. Everything they do is centered around bowling, down to all of their government and legislative decisions. The Dude,” Spock ground out as if the words physically pained him to say, “Is apparently the best bowler on the planet, which is how he has gained his position. They will not deal with us if we do not participate.”

“Exactly,” Jim continued. “Lucky for us, they're pretty friendly and have offered us the use of their facilities to practice. Six of us have to bowl. And when I say bowl, I mean like _you have never bowled before_.”

“But haven't bowled before,” Chekov mumbled.

“I don't know, Jim,” Bones said. “I'm rusty. I haven't bowled since the academy league.”

This made the captain pause. “Starfleet Academy has a bowling league? And you were in it?” He looked stumped for a moment. “Wait, is that where you always were on Wednesdays? Where was I?”

Bones raised an eyebrow and there was an uncomfortable silence. The doctor slowly opened his mouth to speak.

“You know what, don't answer that.” Kirk held up both of his hands. “Cutting to the chase, I have to pick six people to bowl and I'm picking all of you.” He made a sweeping gesture with his right hand.

“It would be more logical to use people who have experience with this...activity,” Spock supplied.

“You want me, in less than _four hours_ , to run a survey on _four hundred and thirty people_ to find out who the best bowlers are?” Jim shook his head. “Look, I'll make this simple.” He pointed to Sulu. “Natural athlete.” He pointed to Spock. “Vulcan and good at math.” He pointed to Chekov. “Good at math.” He pointed to Bones. “Apparent ringer and hold-out.” The doctor rolled his eyes and Jim pointed to Uhura. “Graceful and picks things up quickly.” He pointed to himself. “Been doing this for years.” He folded his arms. “We clear now?”

No one could argue with him.

“Anyways, as I was saying,” the captan continued with a long-suffering sigh, “The Dude is being kind enough to let us use their...town hall for practice.” He smiled and everyone else shrank a little. It was his _I am determined to do this even if we all die in a fire_ smile and usually that meant only terrible things were coming. “And we are going to practice. You're all off regular duties for the next few days and I'm even going to have Scotty juggle transporter repairs with taking the conn. We're in orbit so it shouldn't be that much of a big deal, and he should have that wrapped up pretty quickly.”

Sulu, Uhura, and Chekov did not look convinced and somewhat put out at the “off regular duties” comment. Spock found he could not form a counter-argument as all of Kirk's motions were quite logical indeed. Bones simply looked annoyed.

“We're beaming down at 1800,” he said and his tone left no room for disagreement. “Dress casually, although we're going to stand out like sore thumbs anyways, it's the type of place where everyone knows everyone else. Be friendly, but don't answer too many questions. And don't use it as an excuse to act up, you're still representing Starfleet.” Not that he really thought any of them would, but it was one of those things he just had to say. “Dismissed.”

Everyone filed out of the room except for Bones, who simply stood from his chair.

“I'm pretty sure I told you we need to be more professional,” Jim said with his _don't fuck with me Bones_ expression. “Calling me a slut in front of everyone doesn't go along with that.”

“I wasn't going to call you a slut,” Bones actually looked offended at the mere suggestion. “I was simply going to ask if you really wanted me to answer that.”

“Same thing,” Jim said as he shoved him lightly with a smirk. “I'm glad you've got experience with this though, you can help out everyone else.”

“Yeah, because we all know how good I am at patiently explaining things to people.”

Jim winced for a moment before shrugging. “They're tough, they can take it. Besides, I dare you to be all short with Uhura.”

Bones froze with an expression that could only be described as wide-eyed terror.

Jim couldn't really be blamed for laughing. “Oh hello payback, is that you?”

“Fine, laugh it up,” the doctor said as he shook his head. “But really Jim, bowling?”

“Hey if it'll get them in the Federation then I don't care if we have to play touch football with a bunch of Cardassians, I'm doing it.”

Bones shook his head a second time. “Whatever works?”

“You got it.” Jim nodded. “Come on, we've got some time to kill and Muriel put your favorite mac and cheese on the menu today. Let's go eat before we have to get down there.” He put his hand on his partner's shoulder and Bones smiled back at him.

They walked like that the whole way into the mess hall.

\-----

They had only beamed down a few minutes ago and everyone was still assembling their equipment. The renting of shoes had gone quickly, if not awkwardly, as both Uhura and Sulu had looked less than thrilled by the experience. They finally picked a lane and were now in the process of getting their bowling balls.

Spock stared curiously down at a hot pink ball with a number seven on top. “We have to insert our fingers into these holes?”

“Your thumb, ring finger, and middle finger, yeah.” Bones had grabbed a red ball that had a giant number fourteen on the top. “You need to pick out a ball that's the proper weight; too light, and your control will be off. Too heavy and you'll hurt yourself.” He looked at Uhura and Chekov. “The two of you should probably stick to ten to twelve pounders. Spock, you get the heaviest ball you can find because of your ridiculous Vulcan strength. Jim'll know what size ball he uses, but Sulu you should...Sulu?”

Jim and Sulu weren't paying attention, they were otherwise occupied.

“...Three dice cee-lo, three card monty, Labor Day parade, rest in peace Bob Marley. Statue of Liberty, long live the World Trade,” Sulu shouted as he moved with the music playing in the bowling alley. “Long live the King yo, I'm from the Empire State that's...”

“New York!” It was Jim's job to sing the chorus. “Concrete jungle where dreams are made of, there's nothing you can't do! Now you're in New York, these streets will make you feel brand new, big lights will inspire you! Let's hear it for New York, New York, New York...”

Bones buried his face in his hands.

This was why the crew of the Enterprise couldn't have nice things.

Uhura was holding a purple ball with a number eleven on it. She placed it on the ball machine next to the doctor's red one. “I always forget that they have the same taste in music.”

“Hikaru has been stuck on this song for weeks,” Chekov said as he carefully placed a yellow ball with a number thirteen on it next to Uhura's. His hand got caught under it and he winced as he quickly pulled it out. “Is very excited to hear it.”

Spock had somehow found a twenty pound black ball and gently placed it on the machine with the others. “I have to place my fingers into these holes, that have presumably not been cleaned since this building was fabricated.” He looked vaguely ill and Chekov began to eye his own ball warily.

“They clean them.” McCoy's voice was muffled from behind his hands. “They do it at the end of the night.”

That was good enough for Chekov, who became more calm and instead started fishing around his jeans pockets for money. He had noticed earlier that their arcade had one of those UFO catcher machines and he was really good at them. He was determined to win something from it.

Spock remained unconvinced. “What do they use?”

Bones finally lifted his head and looked at the Vulcan in the eye. “Bleach.”

That was acceptable. Spock nodded once as he moved over to the computer and began to investigate it. It appeared as if they had to start the lanes operating themselves and input all of their names. He began to work on that.

Uhura looked at the doctor. “Is that true,” she whispered.

“Nope,” Bones whispered back. “I just try really hard not to think about it. I also wash my hands about ten times when I get home.”

She couldn't blame him for lying, Spock would probably refuse to participate if he knew the truth and they needed him.

Their song having ended, Jim and Sulu picked their balls out as well. Orange and fifteen pounds for Jim, gold and fifteen for Sulu. Jim looked over Spock's shoulder as he was typing.

“No, you're doing that all wrong,” Jim said. “Here, let me.” Spock stood and Jim traded places with him. Spock had been putting them in order of rank, so Jim's name was first. _James Kirk_ was boring, so he changed it to _Capt. Fine_.

Spock blinked. “Unless you are using an esoteric alphabet I am not aware of, that is not the spelling of your family name.”

“It's not,” Jim hit enter with a grin as he moved down to Spock's name next. “It's as in fine, like I'm fine. Like “Hey baby, you so fine, baby, you so fine,” Spock. It's not fun to bowl with your real name.”

Spock found he wanted to argue that this so-called sport did not seem to be fun in general. However, such an action would be most illogical and he chose instead to remain silent. Jim then changed his name to _Spockers_ and he felt that perhaps behaving illogically was acceptable if it meant he could punch the captain in the face.

“Oooh, _Spockers_ ,” Nyota said as she winced. “You may want to run,” she told the captain cheerfully.

“Just don't make mine too inappropriate, Jim, this is a family establishment,” Bones said as he put a brace on his right wrist.

Jim had actually skipped down to the last row for Chekov and changed his to the word _Jailbait_.

“I am nineteen,” Chekov said indignantly.

The captain was slowly going back up the list, changing Sulu's to _My Li'l Ninja_ , Uhura's to just _Uhura_ (he knew better), and finally he thought for a moment when he got to Bones.

With a bright grin, he typed in the word _McMuffin_.

Bones buried his face in his hands again.

“Ignoring the part where I'm not, nor have I ever been, a ninja,” Sulu began, “isn't that a breakfast food?”

“I will end you and everything you've ever held dear,” the doctor grumbled.

“I'm just saying,” Sulu said with a helpless shrug. “Also I think you got off easy, compared to Pavel and Spock.”

This was true; it could have been _McCuddles_ or something equally disgusting. “Can we get on with this now?”

“Yeah, we can get to it,” Jim said as he stood. “Okay, for those of you new to this it's pretty simple. A game lasts for ten frames. In each frame, you get two shots to take out all ten of the pins. If you get them all down on the first try, that's a strike. If you use both tries to get them down, that's a spare. Obviously whoever gets the most points wins, I think the highest possible score you can get is three hundred.” Bones nodded his agreement. “We'll worry about stuff like splits and handicaps as they come up. For now, let's get started.” He grabbed his ball off the machine. “Just watch what I do.”

Kirk positioned his fingers in the holes and held the ball out in front of him with his right hand. He took a moment and stared down the lane, judging how to move. He licked his lips and then began to walk towards the front line. At the exact right moment, he brought his arm back and released the ball from a slight crouching position. It rolled down the lane towards the pins, hitting the middle one right in the center. All of them fell down but the two in the back left corner.

“Not bad,” Bones said with pride in his voice. Jim looked back over his shoulder to him and grinned.

“That's not so hard,” Hikaru said thoughtfully. “It's a lot like pool, but bigger.”

“Yeah pretty much,” Jim said as he held his hand over the ball return. The orange ball popped up suddenly and after a moment he picked it up by the holes. “Picking up a spare is more difficult than it looks though.” He began to move forward when something else occurred to him. “Forgot to mention, but don't step on or over the line here.” He pointed, and the four people who had never bowled before watched the line with interest. “If you do it's a foul and you forfeit your turn, so be careful.”

He bowled a second time, but was only able to get one of the pins down for a total of nine. Jim shook his wrist out thoughtfully.

“Your turn,” he said to Spock as soon as the pins had been reset. Spock had picked up his ball warily.

“This seems to be a simple application of geometry and physics,” he said to no one in particular. “One needs to be able to calculate the force needed and the precise point of impact.”

Spock stood and considered the pins for a moment. He walked up to the line and stopped short before bringing his arm back and releasing the ball somewhat awkwardly. The ball traveled through the air about halfway down the lane before it landed, sped forward, and struck the middle pin.

All ten of them came crashing down.

Everyone's jaw dropped except for Uhura, who simply wore a proud expression.

Spock looked up at the screen by his unfortunate name. “What does the letter X stand for?”

“That means strike.” Now that the initial shock had worn off, Bones looked a little annoyed. “You get an X in each frame that you make one.”

“Indeed.”

“Also you bowl like a robot.” Bones grabbed his ball and began to walk forward. Spock looked at Jim, silently asking if it was true.

Jim smiled. “We'll work on your technique.”

Bones didn't bowl a strike, but he did pick up a somewhat difficult spare. Sulu and Chekov applauded him loudly. “Thanks. You see those arrows?” He pointed and everyone looked. “You use the right arrows to help guide you if you're right handed, the left ones for the lefties. They'll help you aim if you need to do what I just did.”

Uhura was up next and she managed to get a respectable eight pins on her first try. She was unable to get either of the remaining two and ended up just bowling the ball right next to them to her disappointment. Sulu took his turn and managed to also pick up a spare after using the doctor's advice.

It was Chekov's turn and he was somewhat nervous. But he could do this; after all, he was the Russian Whiz Kid. He thought back to what the captain had done and he tried to mimic his moves from the beginning of the frame.

At the foul line, he released the ball and watched it go down the lane. It stayed in the middle for about two thirds of the way and then suddenly began drifting to the right. It kept moving further over until it landed in the gutter, rolling the rest of the way down the lane.

Jim and Bones flinched.

“And what would that be called,” Spock asked.

“A gutter ball,” Jim finally answered.

Sulu collected himself and smiled at Chekov. “It's okay, it's your first time. It probably happens to everyone. You just know what to do for next time.”

Pavel nodded. That was true, no one could expect him to be perfect his first time out. The ball had returned and he grabbed it. He would do better!

He bowled again, only this time the ball drifted sooner and ended up in the gutter halfway down.

Chekov stared at the pins in disbelief.

“Huh,” Sulu said.

“Maybe you're releasing the ball too late,” Bones supplied. “I used to do that and it caused me some similar problems. Part of the game's timing, so try that.”

The ensign nodded a few times; after all, the doctor had a lot of experience with this. He was probably right.

After a few frames, everyone began to relax and get more into it. During the fourth, Sulu took a moment to go get everyone snacks as they were going to be practicing for quite a while. He came back with a boatload of nachos and a pitcher of beer.

They ate and talked and bowled like the friends they all were, some of them even forgetting somewhat that they were on duty. It was pretty fun as far as missions went and there was, for once, absolutely no chance of danger.

Well...everyone was having fun except for Chekov.

He had still only managed to knock down a single pin here or there and was throwing mostly gutter balls. He just couldn't figure out what he was doing wrong to be so bad at this. He _needed_ to be good at it.

“Hey wait Chekov,” Kirk said. “Time out before you bowl.”

“We get time outs,” Uhura asked an equally befuddled Sulu, who could only shrug in response.

The captain pulled the ensign aside and over to the next lane. “Is everything okay? You're not doing so hot.”

“I am trying, just cannot get hang.” Chekov looked down at the floor. “Is hard game without math.”

“Without...wait. You're not doing your math thing?” Everything suddenly made sense. “No wonder you're so bad!”

That had been the wrong thing to say, going by the look on Chekov's face.

Whoops.

“What I mean is...Chekov. Do the math thing.”

“But cannot, Hikaru says when I...”

“Sulu's wrong in this particular case.” Jim folded his arms across his chest. “Look, it's not really cheating because it's part of the game. The whole point is judging the distance and force needed to knock everything down. You wouldn't be doing anything that other people aren't also doing, you'll just be doing it...better. Spock's been doing it, and we both know he never cheats at anything.” The captain smiled again. “No one will even know.”

Pavel thought very carefully about what the captain was telling him. It made a lot of sense and if it meant he'd stop embarrassing himself then frankly he was for it. Although...it disturbed him a little to hear someone say that Hikaru was wrong about something.

Then again, with the way the helmsman had been acting lately maybe he was wrong more often than Pavel had previously realized.

“I will try,” Pavel finally said with a small smile. Kirk grinned down at him.

“That's the spirit!” He clapped a hand on the young man's shoulder and steered him back to their lane. Pavel picked up his ball.

Let's see.

If the ball weighed thirteen pounds which in kilograms was five-point-nine...and the lane was four-point-five-seven meters in length from the foul line...and the pins appeared to weigh a bit more than a kilogram and a half each...

He walked forward, brought his arm back, and released the ball.

This time, his aim was true and the ball struck the middle pin perfectly. All ten of the pins immediately came crashing down.

Pavel had bowled his first strike!

“Break spring woo!” Pavel jumped up and down and pumped one of his fists into the air. Kirk was grinning and clapping, Sulu and Uhura were yelling his name, the doctor was actually _smiling_ at him and Spock nodded his approval.

“There we go,” Bones said while still smiling. “Congratulations.”

Still grinning, Pavel took a sip of his beer. Hikaru flashed him a thumbs up as Jim took his place to bowl. The navigator took his seat by the lane computer and flashed one back to his friend.

Bowling was going to be much easier from here on out.

\-----

Scotty stood imperious in front of the transporter pad. Kirk's bowling team had radioed ahead to beam back and he wanted to make sure that there were no further incidents.

He personally checked every wire in the console himself, and finally found a short that most likely was responsible for the energy spikes. He sincerely hoped it was also responsible for the clothing switcheroo earlier, because otherwise he would have no choice but to take the whole thing down to find where the problem lay.

The lights began to swirl and Keenser made a small frustrated sound as he adjusted the controls. Another spike then. Soon enough, six people began to form on the transporter. The lights ultimately ceased and...oh, for shit's sake.

Scotty sighed loudly and looked down at the floor.

“Happened again?” The captain looked curiously resigned.

“Happened again,” Richards called helpfully from the back of the room.

The away team all looked down at their clothes; this time, instead of looking like Carmen Miranda, they were all in lederhosen. Except for, oddly, Uhura who was instead in a big puffy green dress and white blouse.

The fact that the wardrobe malfunctions were now proving to be gender-specific was a bit disturbing, to say the least.

“Mother of all creatures great and small,” McCoy exclaimed as he pulled on his suspenders. Sulu found himself doing the same.

“Could be worse, we could be in togas,” the helmsman said.

“Don't give it any ideas.” Bones blew his hair off his forehead. “I always knew these things were no damn good.”

“I'm going to my quarters,” the captain announced. “We don't need to beam back down until the morning, Scotty. Just...fix it, yeah?” He absently adjusted one of his knee socks.“Or else we're all going to run out of clothes.”

With that, and without ceremony, five of the six away team members began to make their way out of the transporter room.

“Coming Pavel?”

“In a moment, Hikaru,” Chekov answered. “Something I need to do first.”

Sulu nodded and followed everyone else out. Scotty and Richards busied themselves with shutting down all of the power to the transporter. Keenser came over in with a case full of tools. It was clearly going to be a long night for engineering.

They were also all extremely occupied with their tasks.

Good.

Pavel made his way over to the console that tapped into the main ship's computer. He typed in a few passwords. Then another few more. Then the big one, which he did feel somewhat guilty about knowing.

Although...Spock's password really shouldn't have been as obvious as his late mother's name.

He scrolled through the list and finally found the file he was looking for: the ship's duty roster.

Pavel took a quick glance around the room just to make sure no one was watching him. Indeed, it looked as though Scotty and everyone had completely forgotten he was there.

Using the touch screen, he scrolled down the file until he hit the area for the medical staff. He quickly found the name he was looking for and switched her to delta shift for that day and the following one. He saved his changes, hit the option for _post update_ , and then backed out of the system the way he came, erasing any evidence that it had been accessed at all.

Pavel smiled. “Break spring, woo.”

He made his way out of the transporter room and didn't look back.

[Chapter One](http://ken-ichijouji.livejournal.com/25474.html) | [Chapter Three](http://ken-ichijouji.livejournal.com/25999.html)


	3. Fic: The Movie Never Ends (It Goes On and On and On and On) 3/6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the Enterprise's newest mission, a voyage to a little planet called Castro III. For once, obeying the Prime Directive is the least of their worries. It's hard to be in Starfleet when you have to deal with transporter malfunctions, video game sessions, rings, jail cells, matador costumes, bowling matches, miscommunications, spies, observation deck talks, champagne, disciplinary hearings, new nicknames, romantic dinners, and a pair of people who won't be talking when the dust settles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kirk/Bones, Spock/Uhura, Sulu/Chapel

_**Fic: The Movie Never Ends (It Goes On and On and On and On) 3/6**_  
Ttle: The Movie Never Ends (It Goes On and On and On and On)  
Series: Star Trek XI: [waterpark 'verse](http://ken-ichijouji.livejournal.com/21874.html)  
Rating: PG-13 for swearing and some fade to black hanky-panky  
Total Word Count: Are you ready for this shit? **44,841**. It's just...it's full of stars.  
Summary: Welcome to the Enterprise's newest mission, a voyage to a little planet called Castro III. For once, obeying the Prime Directive is the least of their worries. It's hard to be in Starfleet when you have to deal with transporter malfunctions, video game sessions, rings, jail cells, matador costumes, bowling matches, miscommunications, spies, observation deck talks, champagne, disciplinary hearings, new nicknames, romantic dinners, and a pair of people who won't be talking when the dust settles.  
Pairing Notes: Kirk/Bones, Spock/Uhura, Sulu/Chapel  
Notes: This takes place a year and eight months into the five year mission, meaning Kirk and Bones have been dating for eight months. (LOL POSTING IN MY OWN UNIVERSE OUT OF ORDER.) If you haven't read everything else in the land of waterparks and roller rinks, certain things will be confusing to you.

 _Traje de luces_ is the Spanish name for a matador's costume.

So um...Kirk is wearing a white t-shirt, cardigan, and dark jeans in this chapter. [It's not at all this outfit I swear.](http://community.livejournal.com/ontd_startrek/1130910.html#cutid1) ~~All right so it totally is. But the transporter eats the cardigan and therefore I apologize for nothing.~~

 _Yesterday_

Jim pulled a cardigan on over his plain white t-shirt as he walked into the living room, while Bones sat at their desk with his PADD and a deep frown on his face. There were two steaming mugs of coffee in front of him and after buttoning up his sweater, Jim happily picked one up and took a sip.

The coffee was piping hot, pitch black, and perfect.

He took another long sip and stood behind Bones' back, placing one hand on his shoulder. “Everything all right?”

“Apparently Christine didn't show up for her shift last night,” the doctor said as he scrolled through the words on the display screen. “Geoff sent me a message asking if I heard from her, but she didn't comm me to say she wouldn't make it.”

“Wow that's really weird, she's pretty on top of things,” Jim said as he took another sip. Without even looking up, Bones quietly grabbed the other mug and handed it up to him. He stared at it curiously for a moment. “What's this?”

“Your coffee. You grabbed mine again.”

Jim raised an eyebrow, then looked at the mug he has holding. Now that he was looking at it, he saw the Ole Miss logo on the side. He sighed. “You'd think after doing that every single day I'd learn to pay attention.” He sat the mug down next to Bones' left hand and took the other one from his right. “Wait, when'd you stop putting sugar in yours?”

“A while ago. I can't figure this out, she was working with me during Alpha shift. Why would she have been also scheduled for delta like that? The only time we pull doubles is if we're on a red alert.” Clearly focused on the situation with his staff, Bones pushed the PADD away from him and sat back in the chair a little.

Jim moved his hand from the his shoulder to his neck and he rubbed it absently. Bones sighed and closed his eyes, relaxing at his touch. “Did the same thing happen to anyone else?”

“No, just her. Maybe it's some sort of error.” He finally looked up and rubbed his eyes for a moment. “I guess I'll talk to Spock about that, it's probably an oversight of some kind.” He looked back down at the PADD and began to type a reply to M'Benga. “I'll tell Geoff to just have a talk with her. I'd hate to have her officially reprimanded when it may not even be her fault.”

“That's fair,” Jim said as he took another drink of coffee and Bones did the same. “You figure out everyone's handicaps?”

“Shit, I forgot to ask what score they use,” Bones said absently. “I'll find out when we get there, it only takes a couple of minutes.” He gulped down the rest of his coffee. “You ready?”

“Almost.” Jim leaned down and they kissed. “Okay, now I'm ready.” He grabbed both of their mugs and put them out of the way. Bones rolled his eyes good-naturedly as he stood and began to walk to their door. Jim caught up to him easily and grabbed him by the wrist, causing Bones to look at him curiously right as he kissed him a second time. “Now I'm really ready.”

“You're ridiculous,” Bones said fondly.

“You love me,” Jim replied simply. Bones just shook his head with a smile and began to head out of the room.

Jim lagged behind for a moment as his face fell. “Or not,” he said sadly to himself.

\-----

Nyota Uhura was putting the finishing touches on her usual high ponytail in her bathroom.

The communications officer already decided against wearing her usual dangling earrings, as they kept getting in the way when she bowled. She glanced down at her light blue three-quarter length sleeve shirt for a moment. Maybe she should grab a light jacket, it was surprisingly cold in the bowling alley yesterday.

They bowled three games before Kirk decided they were done practicing for the day, which was good as her wrist had started to throb a little. Nevertheless, she had only gotten better as the evening had progressed and began to pretty consistently throw strikes.

She hated to admit it, but she was a bit jealous of Spock and Chekov who had both bowled perfect games. Perhaps this morning she would be able to bowl one herself.

She walked back into their bedroom and pushed the button to slide the closet door open. Her half was the left side, and she ran her fingers along several articles, past her uniforms, until she found a cream colored cardigan. That would do. She took it down off its hanger and tied it around her waist.

 _We only said goodbye in words,  
I died a hundred times.  
You go back to her and I go back to..._

 _We only said goodbye with words,  
I died a hundred times.  
You go back to her and I go back to..._

 _Black..._

 _Black..._

 _Black..._

 _I go back to, I go back to..._

The music was loud and came seemingly out of nowhere. Nyota glanced around the bedroom for a moment before determining that it was coming from their living room. She tilted her head to one side and slowly made her way back out of the bedroom and towards the front area.

Spock was standing in the middle of the room with something that looked strangely like a boom box over his head.

The music was virtually deafening now that she was in the room and she covered her ears. “Spock!”

He must not have been able to hear her, as he continued to play the music.

“Spock! Turn it down!”

He was still unable to hear her.

“Spock!” She marched up to him and winced at the volume up close. “Please turn that down!” Spock blinked down at her, but he did reach up and push the pause button.

“Yes?”

“I don't understand why you had to play that so loud,” she said as she moved her jaw in order to pop her ears. “Or why you're blasting Amy Winehouse in the first place.”

If she didn't know him as well as she did, she would have missed the slight frown on his features. “I thought you would enjoy such a thing.”

“You were playing that for me?” Now she was really confused. “Why would you do that?”

“I...” He trailed off as he sat the boom box down on their coffee table. “It was...”

“You don't even realize what the song is about, do you?” She realized that she sounded a bit ungrateful, but this had passed being weird. Spock didn't do grand romantic gestures and that was a big part of why she loved him. The big things, they faded, but the little things she got to see that he saved for her and her alone...that was what mattered. Doing this was completely out of character, and while she was being honest, disturbing.

“I found the melody pleasing and thought you would as well. It is of the same genre as the song you sang in front of my father.”

Nyota raised her eyebrows. Duffy and Amy were similar types of singers, that was true. “It's still a song about being left by the person you love for someone else.”

Oh.

“You do not approve of my song choice.”

Quite frankly she didn't like that he had done it at all. “No it's...this just isn't like you.” She thought for a moment before adding, “It caught me off guard.”

He nodded. “It was...intended to be a surprise.”

“I'd say that part was successful.” She crossed her arms. First there was that funny business in the transporter room yesterday, now this. Something was wrong. “What's gotten...”

A low whistle sounded in the room. “Transporter room to Spock and Uhura.”

Spock stepped over to by their front door and pushed the appropriate button on the intercom. “This is Spock.”

“Everyone else has assembled, we're just waiting on you two.”

“I see,” Spock said. “We are on our way.”

“Copy that. Transporter room out.”

“We appear to be running behind,” he said to her blandly. He walked stiffly towards the door, which slid open and he stepped out into the hall.

Nyota stared after him, feeling as if she had just been dismissed.

Okay.

They obviously weren't discussing this now, but they would definitely have a conversation later.

\-----

Christine Chapel made her way into the medical bay, only two minutes late for her shift.

She swung by the transporter room just to say a quick hello and goodbye to Hikaru before he beamed down with everyone else. Admittedly, she was a little jealous. A bowling mission actually sounded really fun.

Stifling a yawn, she stopped and stretched for a moment. She winced, rubbing the bruise on her right side.

She must have gotten clipped there harder than she thought, at some point she needed to borrow a dermal regenerator and fix herself up.

Geoffrey M'Benga was checking up on Cupcake's eye under the patch when he noticed her arrival. “Christine hang tight for a moment.” As he put the patch back over the eye, Christine stopped with a curious expression. “You should be okay tomorrow. The regenerators can only do so much for eyes, unfortunately, otherwise I would have just fixed you yesterday.” He thought for a moment. “So how many pirate jokes have you gotten?”

“Over a dozen,” the security officer replied in a dull tone. “Only two have actually been funny.”

“Sounds about right,” M'Benga said with a smile. “You're clear.”

Cupcake nodded his thanks and began to make his way out of the medical wing. The doctor turned his attention to the head nurse.

“So where were you?”

Chris looked at him with a bewildered expression. “The transporter room, I just wanted to wish Hikaru a quick good luck.”

“I'm not talking about right now,” he said. “I'm asking where you were last night.”

Inwardly, Christine froze. Outwardly, she calmly asked “Why?”

“Well you were supposed to be on delta shift, Christine, and we paged you and used the computer but you were nowhere to be found.” He crossed his arms. “That isn't like you, so Leonard and I are a bit concerned.”

“Delta shift?” This made no sense at all. “Geoff, I was scheduled for _alpha shift_. You were even here for part of it.”

Geoff nodded. “I understand that, but for whatever reason the duty roster says you were due in for delta. It says that for today, too, actually.” He grabbed a nearby PADD and showed her the roster, which he had pulled up after getting Leonard's reply.

She took the PADD from his hands and read it three times. “This really doesn't make any sense, I'm supposed to be on alpha shift today as well. _Tomorrow_ I'm on delta.”

“Like I said, it's not like you to just not show up,” Geoff said with a reassuring smile. “I mean, I have to verbally warn you about doing it again but I'm not going to write you up. It's probably some sort of hiccup in the database. I sent Spock a message about looking into it so it's not an issue again in the future.” He paused for a moment. “Although, you really should have answered the pages at least to tell us what was going on.”

“I...” Chris shook her head. “I'm sorry. I have no excuse for myself, sir.”

“Like I said, just don't let it happen again,” Geoff said. “Or unfortunately, Leonard and I's hands will be tied.” He smiled again. “Go ahead and go back to sleep or something. We'll see you later on.” With that, he walked off to a supply closet as it was time for their monthly inventory.

Christine nodded, then looked at the PADD once more.

This wasn't a glitch, otherwise other people on the ship would have been affected. This had specifically happened to her schedule and only for these two days.

Which meant that the most likely scenario was that she was being messed with.

She pulled up a different screen on the PADD and entered a few passwords; what she saw made her suck her teeth. Either Spock had made the change himself without notifying her, which was extremely unlikely, or someone very smart and very careful changed her schedule. There wasn't any trace of direct tampering.

She checked the timestamp on the file. It said the last update was a few minutes after the away team beamed back.

Chris shook her head. That still didn't narrow it down, anyone could have timed it that way.

Backing out of where she was, she pulled back up the roster and left it on her name so that Geoff wouldn't notice what she had done. She promptly made her way out of the medical wing.

Getting switched to delta shift also put a damper on her other activities. She'd have to go over that data now in order to get her reports finished.

Luckily, she was good at improvising.

\-----

The bowling pins crashed down triumphantly as Sulu began to raise the roof. Jim clapped him on the back once.

“Nice,” he said with a grin.

Chekov grabbed his ball and got ready to take his turn. He did his calculations quickly and then released the ball.

Another strike for their team.

Chekov grinned and he went to sit back down. He grabbed his soda and took a long sip and Sulu looked at him thoughtfully for a moment.

They were on their second of three games for their morning practice. Instead of immediately beaming back to the ship as they had done yesterday, they were going to get lunch in the snack bar, take a break, and then get back to it.

Everyone else was taking a breather as Jim pushed the start button and their new game began. He grabbed his ball and began to bowl, Spock paying close attention in particular as he was still having trouble with his technique. In her seat, Uhura kept shaking her right hand.

“You sore?” Bones asked from one of the chairs across from her.

“A bit,” she said as she continued to shake it out.

Bones nodded. “That's why I wear the brace.” He quickly pulled a roll of medical tape out of his back pocket. “I thought someone might need this, here. Let me tape it up for you, it'll help. We'll get you a proper brace when we get back to the ship.”

Nyota held out her arm to him and he got to work taping it. Bones was very efficient and before long she was set. He gently tore the tape off and stuck it securely to itself. She wiggled her fingers a few times and rotated her wrist. It was snug, but not too much so, and it did honestly feel a lot better. She looked up at him with a warm smile and he smiled back.

“Thank you, Leonard.”

“Anytime.”

Chekov tapped her on the shoulder and began to show her the prize he had won in the UFO catcher; a bright blue stuffed animal with orange fins on its face and a big smile. She turned her attention to him and was charmed by the cute toy while Sulu ran off to get them more drinks.

Jim had finished bowling just in time to see Bones examining Uhura's wrist. Any other time, he wouldn't have thought anything of it; after all, he was a doctor and they were all friends. He had never even seen Bones so much as check her out or anything.

It still didn't sit well or feel right, not with...everything else.

Okay, he was jealous. Fine.

He sat in the seat next to Bones and put a smile on his face. Maybe if he made it into a joke, he'd feel better. “So...I feel like I should be jealous.”

Bones rolled his eyes. “Don't be stupid.”

Jim wasn't smiling anymore.

Yeah, no, that didn't make him feel better at all; the opposite, actually. He focused all of his attention on Spock, who was still bowling.

“Hey,” Bones said gently as he placed a hand on his knee. Jim met his eyes. “You know I didn't mean that.”

Truthfully at that moment, Jim felt like he didn't know much of anything. He forced the smile back onto his face. “No, yeah, sure. Of course.”

Bones looked unconvinced. “Okay, I just don't want you to take me seriously when I say things like that.” Spock had finished so Bones stood up. “I was just teasing you like I always do.” The doctor walked away to the ball machine and Jim watched him go.

“Yeah, I'm beginning to get that,” Jim said with a wistful voice. He sat back in his chair and sighed.

Uhura was standing next to Spock, getting ready for her next turn. She began to reach out and grab her ball when he stopped her.

“You have injured yourself?”

Uhura looked down at her hand. “It hurts a little, so Leonard did this for me. It's already helping me a great deal.”

Leonard? She let the doctor touch her hand? “You allowed Doctor McCoy to do this?”

She shrugged. “He offered.” Bones was done bowling and had sat back down next to the captain, putting his arm around his shoulders. Spock watched the two of them for a moment before turning his attention back to Nyota. “It's not a big deal.”

“You are assuming that I am irrationally upset over the doctor giving you a bandage,” Spock replied flatly. Well, to be fair, he was, but she was calling him out on it and after the way she acted over his surprise he didn't really appreciate it. “I do not care at all. It would be illogical.” He sounded cold even to himself and mentally he grimaced.

Nyota stared up at him in disbelief.

That shouldn't have hurt as much as it did. While she wanted to ask him what was going on, she also knew she had to bowl and she couldn't be bothered to start an argument. “Fine,” she said.

Angrily she grabbed her ball and walked forwards without looking back at him. If she had, she would have seen him sink somewhat. It seemed that everything he was doing was wrong. Spock was suddenly reminded of a Terran idiom his mother had been fond of using; sometimes, you just can't win for losing.

Just in time for his turn, Sulu returned with a foam tray filled with fountain sodas in cups with lids. He gently placed them on their table, taking one for himself and having a sip with a smile. This was probably the most fun mission in the history of Starfleet and, in spite of not having Chris around, he was incredibly happy to be a part of it.

He looked down at the captain and the doctor, who were sitting together like always. Although...the captain didn't look happy like he usually was, his smile was pretty obviously strained and half-hearted. Hikaru felt his own smile fade as he looked more closely at them. McCoy kept shooting him concerned looks, but Kirk didn't appear to be noticing them.

Hikaru took another sip of his cola.

Whatever was wrong he knew that as long as they talked about it, they could move past it. They pretty much belonged together, so he wasn't too worried.

He put his cup back down on the table and began to walk over to the lane as Nyota had just finished her frame.

Hikaru stopped short when he saw her sit down far from Spock. Spock himself looked at her as if he wanted to say something before clearly deciding against it and focusing very intently on the score card above him.

Wow, that didn't look good either.

Maybe he had finally popped the question and she said no.

Except...there was no way that would happen. They must have been fighting about something else, although it was still unnerving. He couldn't honestly recall a single instance of them arguing since they had gotten together and he would know, since Nyota constantly dumped relationship information on him whether he wanted it or not.

It was more than a little scary how the ship's two resident super-couples were having problems at the same time, though.

He grabbed his ball and prepared to bowl, thinking for a moment about Christine.

Whatever their issues were, he knew they would all work out.

He bowled, and took eight of the pins down. The seven and ten pins were left standing and he blinked at them stupidly for a moment. That...that looked insanely difficult.

“The seven-ten split,” Bones said as he leaned forward, taking his arm down off the back of the captain's chair. Everyone turned to look at him as he talked. “Is the most difficult split in bowling. There are two ways to try and convert this into a spare. The first option is to try hitting one of the pins so that it bounces out of its pit area and hits the other one.” He walked up to Sulu and was pointing as he spoke. “That's hard to do, though, it's rare you can get the pins to fly out like that. The other way is to strike one of the pins on the inside with enough force to make it ricochet off the side wall and take the other one out. Hitting them directly is out of the question.”

Hikaru looked down at the lane. “So since I'm right handed, hitting the seven pin and getting that to rebound would be the easiest, right?”

“Pretty much.”

In a way, it was no different from dealing with the photon torpedoes. Sulu shrugged. “I think I can manage.” He grabbed his ball from the ball return and carefully took aim, using the arrows to guide him.

He released the ball and watched it go down the lane.

The seven pin was struck and it went flying into the ten pin, knocking it down.

All right!

Hearing Pavel let out a celebratory whoop behind him, Hikaru turned and smiled. That was better, everyone was clapping or cheering. He went back to the table to get more soda.

“Hikaru that was great!” Pavel had come up to him, still holding the stuffed animal. “Very good!”

“Break spring woo?” Hikaru asked with a grin.

Pavel nodded enthusiastically. “Hope I do as well as you on my turn.” He held out the toy. “Here. Is Mudkip!” He made his way back to their lane and grabbed his bowling ball happily and Hikaru smiled at his best friend.

At least Pavel wasn't doing anything weird, he thought as the kid got himself yet another strike.

Well, weirder than usual anyways.

The mood had significantly lightened after that and they all went back to chatting and laughing in between turns while drinking their sodas.

Jim was just finishing a turn when he spotted the The Dude walking over to them with some papers in his hands. He waved with a smile and moved to meet him halfway. “Hey, how are you? Scoping out your competition?”

The Dude smiled back. “Something like that. Y'all seem to be pretty good at this.” He tucked the papers under his arm. “Y'all look like you're enjoying it, too.”

Jim rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. “We don't get to do things like this often, no.” He looked back at his crew, where Bones had just bowled a strike and Chekov was making his little toy thing do a dance. “It's almost like a vacation, actually.”

The Dude nodded. “I can relate, although clearly we don't relax this way here in Lebowski.”

“Oh I guess you wouldn't, yeah.” That honestly hadn't occurred to him. “What do you guys do for fun then?”

“Write research papers.” Jim looked at him oddly. “My people like to read.”

“Wow, Spock would fit right in here,” Jim said. He looked at the papers under his arm. “Is that what those are?”

The Dude smiled again. “No, these are...bowling stat sheets. I'm still trying to finalize my team for tomorrow.” He quickly became more serious. “So tell me more about these transporters of yours. I'm really curious about them, I've never heard of anything like that before.”

Jim shrugged. “There's not much to tell really, they're the safest way for us to travel from point A to point B. It only takes two seconds for us to cross pretty substantial distances, and they're awesome when they're working right.”

The Dude lifted his sunglasses and put them on top of his head. “When they're working right? They don't all the time?”

Jim thought back to that whole debacle with him being split into his good and evil halves. He suppressed a shudder. “Well, they're...sensitive. Sometimes things like weather or atmospheric conditions can muck things up a bit, but that's true of pretty much anything.”

“Atmospheric conditions,” The Dude said softly. “That makes sense.”

“Hey Jim,” Bones called with a wave. “You're up!”

Jim looked at The Dude with an apologetic smile. “Sorry to cut this short, but I better go before they come after me. You have a good rest of your day, and if I don't catch you again I'll see you tomorrow.”

“Twelve o'clock sharp,” The Dude called as Jim began to run towards the lane. Jim smiled and nodded at him to show he heard him. The Dude pulled out a cellphone and pushed a number in his speed dial.

“Sheriff,” he said by way of greeting. “It's me. I've got something that you can use for tomorrow...”

\-----

“This time...this time,” Scotty exclaimed with one finger pointing at the ceiling, “this time we've got it!”

Keenser and Richards slowly nodded their agreement. They had been working for almost twenty-four hours straight at this point when they found that one of the Heisenberg compensators was about to go bad. They quickly replaced it, hoping that now the energy spikes would finally cease.

The away team should be calling them any moment now. Scotty began to pace somewhat nervously.

“Kirk to transporter room,” the captain's voice rang out over the comm link. “Six to beam up.”

“Stand by,” Keenser said as he slid the controls into position. “Energize.”

Keenser had made a weird kind of squeaking sound as the lights glowed and six figures began to materialize in front of them,

Scotty beamed.

So far, so good.

Everyone looked the same, everyone was smiling, everyone was dressed like a matador, nothing out of the ordinary.

He wiped the smile off of his face.

Yeah, they were all dressed like matadors, they even had the red-lined capes and hats.

Scotty began to rub his temples. He heard a loud smacking sound from behind him and assumed that Richards had just banged her head against the console. (She had.)

“Shit,” was all Keenser could say.

The away team were looking at each other and admiring their outfits.

“Did we all get cast in _Carmen_ when I wasn't paying attention?” Kirk kept swishing his cape back and forth with a puzzled expression.

“Is very sparkly,” Chekov added.

“Now it's just getting creative,” Uhura chimed in. “I mean, who would have thought to put us all in _traje de luces_?”

“I'm going to check on some stuff in medical,” Bones said in a resigned tone. “I just...yeah. I'm going to medical.” He looked at Jim up and down for a good while before telling him, “I'll be home in twenty.” He leaned into the captain and dropped his voice. “Don't change out of that.”

Jim looked at him with a raised eyebrow for a long second, before smiling a little. He still didn't feel one hundred percent about things, but maybe when they were alone he and Bones could have a talk. “Okay.”

Spock, meanwhile, needed to consult another Terran film as the music idea hadn't worked. He also was a bit short with her during the bowling, out of irrationally being upset she didn't care for his effort. Perhaps something in the genre called romantic-comedy would assist him. “Nyota, I have something to attend to in the lab. I will be back to our quarters when I am finished.” Spock turned sharply and made his way out of the room.

Nyota froze where she stood, watching him go. First that business with the not caring, even though he clearly did, now he didn't want to go back to their quarters with her. She exhaled loudly; it was probably for the best, she could use a bit of time to cool her head before confronting him anyways. Time for a trip or two around the lazy river. “Fine.”

Her and McCoy began to make their way out of the transporter room at the same time, almost crashing into Christine Chapel in the doorway. Bones nodded at her in a greeting and she smiled at him in return. Christine then stopped what she was doing and stared after them as they walked out of the room. She turned her attention back up to the transporter pad, where Hikaru was taking off his hat and Chekov was still fascinated by the way the lights glittered off his jacket.

“I'm starting to take this personally,” Kirk was telling Scotty. “That was my favorite and most comfortable sweater.”

“The only thing I can figure is that it's not an issue with the transporter itself, but the planet's atmospheric conditions or something similar.” The Scotsman had his arms crossed, as Keenser and Richards came over to join the conversation. “Perhaps something we didn't know to compensate for is causing the spikes and interfering with the memory patterns when you all beam back.”

“Any way to isolate it?”

“It'll take time.” Scotty shrugged. “When's the next you need her?”

“Tomorrow at eleven thirty,” Kirk answered. “The bowling match starts at noon, so we need to get there a little early to warm up.”

The chief engineer frowned. “Well, I'll do my best.”

Kirk looked at him. “Scotty.”

“That's all I can say, there are thousands of possible factors that could be causing this. It's not going to be easy for us to find the right one. It's like searching for a needle in a haystack in a building full of...other...haystacks.”

Jim furrowed his brows for a moment before sighing. “Tomorrow morning, Scotty. I've got faith in the three of you.” With that, Jim made his own way back to his quarters.

“That's not a bad look for you,” Chris said with a grin. Hikaru grinned back.

“Too bad bull fighting's been outlawed since the twenty-second century,” he shot back. “Otherwise I'd show you my moves.”

“I've seen your moves, they're not that special,” she said and they kissed hello.

“Ouch.”

“I do what I can.”

“What are you up to tonight,” Hikaru asked as he put both of his hands in hers. Christine sighed.

“Working, I'm on delta shift.”

“You are? I thought you were on alpha today.”

“Nope. There was...a mix up.” Annoyance crossed her features for a second. “Someone switched my schedule without telling me.”

Chekov stopped what he was doing. He put his arms down, and made a show of inspecting his cape so they wouldn't notice that he was listening.

“That's weird, why would someone do that? Did they need a shift covered or something?”

“Don't know,” she admitted. “It doesn't really matter, but the point is I have to work tonight.” Chris brightened. “Hey, I do get a lunch still. How about I grab something quick from the mess and join you in your quarters for my break?”

“Sounds good,” he said while giving her another kiss. “Just comm me when you're on the way.”

“Of course.” Reluctantly, she pulled back from him. “I need to go ahead and get to my shift, I can't be late today.” She touched his face for a moment. “See you later.”

Hikaru smiled and waved at her as she left the room. Chekov stood up straight.

“Hikaru...” the Russian began to say, “You have nothing to do. Will you play game with me? It is brand new.”

Hikaru grinned at him. “Sure, that sounds like a lot of fun. Just make sure you put it on hard difficulty, the last one was way too simple.” He put his arm around his friend's shoulders, and Chekov beamed up at him. “Let's go change and grab some dinner first.”

Pavel nodded. As they began to walk out of the room, he glanced down the hall in the direction Chapel had walked.

She might not want to hold her breath about those dinner plans.

\-----

Only watching the key points of them instead of the movies in their entirety, Spock had noticed a pattern in these so-called romantic-comedies. Many times the two people who ended up together began the film with a fairly antagonistic relationship. They would taunt each other about various things, including, and this was startlingly common must to his surprise, sexual prowess.

It...actually, it somewhat reminded him of Jim and Doctor McCoy. They did have a tendency to banter back and forth with one another, even in spite of their happiness in their relationship.

Perhaps there was in fact something to this trope.

He and Nyota never teased much or often, although there was that time she had splashed him on the water deck. He remembered she seemed very happy and playful when she did that, and he did possess a fondness for hearing her laugh.

He pulled up a media file labeled _Much Ado About Nothing_. Naturally he had previously read the play by Shakespeare, but it had been a while and he wanted to refresh his memory. Spock was fairly certain that he correctly recalled the characters Beatrice and Benedick engaged in similar verbal sparring. Indeed, he was correct and committed some of Benedick's lines to memory.

Another common trope he had noticed: quoting Shakespeare.

The plan was to engage Nyota in a battle of wits and once she was having fun, then he would propose to her. Outright surprising her was a bad idea, he clearly needed to work up to something that significant.

He made his way back to their quarters, nodding to Ensign Colt. Ensign Colt stopped what she was doing and turned to stare at him. Spock was about to ask her if she required something when he remembered.

He was still in that flamboyant costume from the transporter room.

“As you were, Ensign,” he said calmly.

Colt rubbed her eyes for a moment, shrugged, and then went back about her business. Spock being dressed like a bullfighter was not the strangest thing that had occurred on the _Enterprise_.

Spock unceremoniously entered their quarters and began to take off his cape. He wondered for a brief moment exactly where he should store this costume; most likely he should just throw it away, but perhaps once the transporter was fixed Mr. Scott could restore the clothing using the correct memory patterns.

Nyota was curled up on the sofa with a PADD and a mug of tea. She was in the slow process of making her way through the works of Surak when her time permitted. Every now and again, she would read something aloud and they would discuss it in Vulcan.

He truly did love her so.

“You're back,” she said as she put the PADD down. “Did you...get everything done?”

“What, my dear Lady Disdain. Are you yet living?”

Nyota's face turned confused. “Excuse me?”

He sat on the edge of the couch next to her. “I do love nothing in the world so well as you. Is that not strange?”

Nyota was looking at him very closely. “Okay. What is this?”

“Do not you love me?”

“Spock.” She turned to fully face him. “Just...no more Shakespeare, okay? What is going on with you?”

Spock blinked in confusion. This was also not going well. Why was this not going well? “I had thought perhaps we could argue.”

“What? Why would you want that?”

“I...” How to best explain? “Other couples, I have noticed, have a tendency for...”

“Okay, stop.” Nyota buried her face in her hands. Either her lover was going crazy, or she was. “I see where this is going and just...stop.”

“You do.” Had she begun to suspect? She must have, there was no other explanation.

“You're doing this stuff where you're...you're acting more human. Now you come in and insult me using Shakespeare with _no warning_ and you say it's because you want to be like other couples.” She lifted her head and sighed loudly. “I just...I don't understand where this is coming from. Could you please explain it to me so that I do?”

She was giving him an opening, not only to explain his behavior but to go ahead and ask her. He fingered the box in his pocket that had somehow not been corrupted by the transporter. It would be most logical to just go ahead and ask her. He looked into her eyes.

She looked so unhappy and so confused.

No, he couldn't ask her like this. She would reject him and, as illogical as it was, he was not sure he could bear that.

“I...simply thought we should try something different.”

Judging from her facial expression, that was the wrong thing to say.

“Without even consulting me first?” Nyota shook her head, before a horrified look crossed her features. “Are...are you unhappy with our relationship?”

“I...” Spock honestly did not know how to respond to that. He didn't wish to ask for her hand right now with her so upset, but he could not figure out a way to explain himself without letting the proverbial cat out of the bag.

Nyota looked as if she could not believe him. More to the point, she looked incredibly upset. “Fine. You don't want to tell me the truth.” She stood and pursed her lips for a moment. “I think I'll go to bed early. You can take your time joining me.” With that, she stormed off to their bedroom and closed the door behind her.

In the living area, Spock felt himself fill with shame. He needed to do something to ease her hurt, he just had no idea what. He did not wish to consult the movies further, they were obviously steering him wrong.

He thought back to his childhood and his parents marriage, thinking of happy times they had all three spent together. With time came many gifts of insight, and he could see now how much his father had truly loved his mother.

He remembered a time specifically when he had gotten into the altercation with Stonn and the other children. His mother had been incredibly angry with his father, going so far as to walk away from him in the middle of a conversation because of how Sarek handled the situation. Spock also recalled that his father gave Amanda a necklace made by Vulcan artisans as a token of his apology.

Actually, that seemed like a very good idea.

He could purchase a gift for Nyota and while he apologized, he could ask her. It was very simple and also logical.

Spock went over to their desk and pulled up a file on his PADD.

Now to decide what to get her.

\-----

“Hey Pavel you...oh, are you busy?” Hikaru stepped out of their bathroom after a quick sonic shower, running his fingers through his hair absently.

“Just a message to Papa,” Pavel answered in a distracted tone. “Know he won't get it for two weeks, I want to reply before I forget.”

“Oh sure, take your time,” Sulu said as he sat in front of their entertainment console. Pavel made a few more keystrokes and then backed out of what he was doing.

“All finished,” he chirped as he ran over and sat next to Sulu. “Time to play!” He pulled up the appropriate files on the computer screen and handed Hikaru a controller. “You be first person, I am used to sitting on the right.”

Music started and lights began to flash on their screen as Sulu gave it a curious look. “Is this an emulator of an old game?”

“It is updated version!” Pavel grinned. “It apparently was very popular.”

Hikaru nodded several times. “Run me through the controls really quickly, so I don't fail.”

“The R button increases speed while the L button decreases. The A-button fires weapon, select-A picks weapon. B-button is also weapon and Y is afterburner. Start is pause.”

“Got it.”

Without another word they began to play, wiping out as many of the enemy they could. They rapidly advanced levels and the stakes grew higher and higher as time went on.

In the middle of a boss fight and as he quickly covered Chekov, Sulu said, “I'm really glad we're doing this.”

Pavel cheered inwardly, although he was careful to simply smile a little. “Oh?”

“Yeah, I didn't realize how much I missed this until just now.” The boss finally went down and Hikaru whooped a little. “Chris doesn't like these games, but I guess everyone has their flaws.” He jerked his arms suddenly to match the movements of his plane. “And she does have them.”

“Oh?” Chekov jerked his arms in a similar manner. That had been close!

“Yeah, she can be pretty short-tempered sometimes.” Sulu bit his tongue absently. “Which is kind of hilarious, considering how much she complains about McCoy.”

“I see.”

“Also there's this thing where it never takes her less than thirty minutes to do her hair, even when she's off duty. I can't figure out why it takes so long, it just looks like she puts some pins in it. At least with Janice hers actually looked complicated. I just don't get it.”

The pair moved on to the next level and began it with minimal problems. Pavel paused briefly to switch weapons on his plane.

“I'd like it if you got to know her better, I feel like I've been keeping her all to myself. She's really cool and I think you guys could be good friends.”

It was momentary, and Hikaru didn't notice, but Pavel stopped dead. “I...already like her.”

“Yeah, but you don't really - watch it - know her,” Hikaru replied. “Maybe I can give you both fencing lessons at the same time. I haven't forgotten my promise to help you with that by the way, I've just been really busy lately.” He quickly wiped out a large group of enemies and then paused the game. “Look, she's really important to me, and you are too. It'd mean a lot to me if you two could be friends, is all.”

Pavel looked at him for a long while before finally nodding. Hikaru smiled.

“Great, she's coming here for her lunch break tonight.”

“Oh?” He hoped he sounded like he didn't already know that.

“Yeah, so that would be a perfect chance. She can eat out here with us, I'll probably be ready for a break from blowing stuff up then anyways.” Hikaru looked at him with a smile. “Is that okay?”

Pavel didn't answer him verbally, he just smiled instead. Hikaru unpaused the game and they went back to shooting.

For the first time, Pavel wondered if he was doing the right thing by messing with Chapel. Hikaru was his friend and he wanted him to be happy.

So why was he trying to take this person, this person who made him happy, away from him?

Maybe he shouldn't be doing this after al.

But then again, he thought as they began another boss fight, he wouldn't have even had this conversation with Hikaru if he hadn't changed her schedule. And since she made him so happy, he really couldn't say something like “spend less time with her” to him. He wasn't going to force Hikaru into choosing like that.

Especially because...he probably wouldn't be the one chosen in the end.

No, he needed to see this through or else he might lose Hikaru completely. He couldn't bear the thought of that, he just couldn't let that happen! It was for the best, he told himself.

Pavel began to finally relax again as they made their way through another level.

\-----

“That should be everything,” Bones said to Geoff. He glanced up at the chronometer on the sick bay wall. “Shit, I told Jim I'd only be twenty minutes.”

Almost two hours had passed since the away team returned to the ship and Leonard was helping Geoff finish the monthly inventory. He had gotten absorbed in his task and completely lost track of time.

He sighed with frustration.

This was not a good day for that.

He noticed Jim was acting somewhat brittle since that morning and he unfortunately had lacked a good opportunity to really ask him what was going on. His lover had been quiet and somewhat distracted and it genuinely conerned him.

He hoped he hadn't done something to hurt him somehow, but the only thing he could think of was that dumb joke from earlier.

That wasn't like Jim at all, something else had to be going on. He just needed to get to the bottom of it.

Geoff smiled at him crookedly. “You look worried. Are you in the doghouse?”

“I probably am now,” Bones said absently as he loosened his tie. He had ditched the jacket, cape, and hat pretty quickly once he had arrived in his office. “Oh well, I'm sure it'll be fine once I apologize.”

The other doctor nodded. “Well, you know the old saying: chocolates say I love you, but flowers say I'm sorry.”

Christine Chapel had a basket of supplies in her arms as she passed by on her way to a supply closet. “I could always call Hikaru to get you an arrangement,” she said breezily. “Captain Kirk seems like an orchid kind of guy.”

“You, quiet,” Bones said to M'Benga, who just laughed. “And you, what have I told you about minding your own business and sterilizing things?”

Chapel scowled and opened her mouth to retort when suddenly the lights in sick bay went down, leaving only the red emergency beacons.

 **  
_Warning: security breach detected. Initiating emergency quarantine procedure. Lockdown will be complete in one minute._   
**

“What the hell?” Bones looked up at the ceiling. “That can't be possible!”

Him and M'Benga ran to the two shipboard computers by the main sickbay doors. Both men frantically began to enter their override codes as the air vents all began to close around the room.

“The...I'm locked out!” Bones snapped. He quickly tried entering his code again, but he got the same result. “Geoff, talk to me!”

“It's not working here either,” Geoff said with a frown. “I have no idea what's...”

 **  
_Warning: lockdown of medical bay complete. Emergency quarantine is in effect, until pathogens are cleared._   
**

“Pathogens, what fucking pathogens?” Bones slapped the console in frustration. “The hell is going on?”

The nurses had gathered around the two men, all of them with concerned looks on their faces.

“Leonard, what's going on?” Chapel spoke up.

“Did any of you open any of the cultures?” Bones looked around his nurses, who all shook their heads. “Anything spill, anything at all that could have set this off?”

“No sir,” Nurse Quinn spoke. “Everything is normal, no spills or leaks anywhere.”

“Okay.” Bones put his hand on his chin. “Then that means there's something wrong with the filtering system or the computers.”

“This would be a hell of a computer glitch,” Geoff said under his breath.

“Let me call Jim and Scotty, they're likely the only ones who can get us out of this,” Bones said. “Computer, open commlink to Kirk, James T.” A low whistle sounded, letting him know it was open. “McCoy to Kirk,” the doctor said, letting his frustration show in his voice.

There was a long pause before Jim finally spoke. “So you do remember me.”

Bones flinched. Maybe those flowers weren't such a bad idea. “Not right now, Jim, we have a situation down in sickbay.”

“I'm sure.”

“Jim, I'm serious, we're all trapped in here and I need you to get Scotty and get this fixed.”

Bones could hear Jim shift his position suddenly. “Trapped? What's going on?”

“Something set off the parameters for an emergency quarantine,” the chief medical officer ground out around clenched teeth. “Either it's the air filters or the computer; regardless, get Scotty and help us get out of here as quickly as you can. The air won't run out for a few hours yet, but it will eventually with all the vents shut down like this.”

“I'll be right there, Kirk out!”

With that, the link closed. Bones looked around at his staff.

“I suggest y'all get comfortable,” he said to everyone standing in front of him. “Looks like we'll be here for a spell while this gets taken care of.”

All of them except for Geoff groaned loudly. Normally, he'd bitch about that; considering the circumstances, he didn't see any reason to complain this time.

\-----

There was a sudden beep coming from Hikaru's PADD.

He paused the game. “That must be Christine.”

Pavel nodded. “You read, I need to use restroom.” He got up and made his way to the bathroom, closing the door behind him. Hikaru walked over to his desk and picked the PADD up.

He opened the message, his smile quickly turning into a frown.

 _Hikaru,_

 _Medical is on lockdown and we're all stuck, so I can't make it. I'll make sure I see you before you beam down in the morning. I'm really sorry._

 _Chris_

He closed the message with a sigh. Well, it wasn't a huge deal even though it was disappointing. Besides, there'd be plenty of other opportunities for her and Pavel to get to know each other better. He sat the PADD back down on his desk and took his seat back on the carpet.

Pavel came out of the bathroom, wiping his hands on his track pants and stood behind Hikaru. “She on the way?”

“No, she can't make it,” Hikaru said with a shrug.

Hikaru was unable to see the smile on Pavel's face. “Really? That is too bad.” He quickly changed his expression and sat down on the floor. Pavel picked up his controller. Hikaru nodded his agreement, then followed his roommate's example.

“Let's get back to the game, I think we've almost got it finished.”

\-----

“You got it?” Jim asked Scotty as he finished typing in a security code.

“This should be it, aye,” Scotty mumbled. “And...here we go.”

Scotty and Jim heard the electronic locks disable and then the sick bay doors slid open. The main lights all came back on.

The nurses all cheered, Geoff grinned, and Bones simply looked relieved.

“What happened,” he said as he walked up to Scotty and Kirk.

The captain ran his hand through his hair for a moment before looking at his chief engineer. “You tell him. It might be easier for me to deal with if I hear it from you a second time.”

Scotty looked oddly uncomfortable for a moment. Bones found himself filled with dread at this; anything that could make _Scotty_ feel uncomfortable was bad. Like, exponentially bad. “Well...” He bit his lip for a moment. “Something or someone got into the computer system and set off the quarantine.”

The captain and the doctor stared at him for a moment.

“I beg your pardon?”

“I was wrong, it's actually _worse_ the second time,” Jim groused as he put his hands on his hips.

“The computer somehow threw up the emergency codes for a breech in sickbay. Instead of simply alerting your staff to said non-existent breech, it skipped straight to the emergency quarantine protocols.” Scotty wiped his brow. “It's...not supposed to do that.”

“Are you telling me we got trapped in here because of a computer error? Because, Scotty, I don't have the _words_ for just how _unacceptable_ that is.” Predictably, Bones rapidly progressed from stunned into furious. “What if we were on red alert and people needed to _get in here_ , or my staff needed to _get out_?”

The engineer held up both of his hands with a solemn expression. “Doctor, you're preaching to the converted. I've no idea what possibly could have triggered this. There's no evidence in the memory banks of deliberate sabotage, but I can't rule it out either. Someone smart enough to trigger this in the first place would unfortunately also be smart enough to cover their tracks.” Scotty dropped his hands. “Look I'll put everyone not Keenser or Richards on this, I'm not taking any chances with this happening again. I'll even supervise, I wasn't planning on sleeping tonight anyways.”

Bones and Jim stared at him, both men contemplating what he had just said.

“I don't like it, but it'll have to do,” Jim finally said. “Just...get us an answer, Scotty.”

“Aye,” Scotty replied. At this, several members of his engineering crew began to filter into the room. “Over there, start working with the main console and go from there.” He turned and smiled wanly at the two men. “Go ahead and go back about your business, I'll give you a ring as soon as I know what happened.”

Jim placed a hand on his shoulder. “Thanks, Scotty. We appreciate it.” He looked at his partner. “You ready?”

“Yeah, let's go home.” Bones sighed. “Thanks, Scotty.”

“It's what I do,” he called absently as he began to get down to work.

Bones and Jim slowly made their way to the turbo lift. Silently, Jim pushed the button for their deck. The doors closed and the lift began to move.

“I'm sorry,” Bones said. Jim gave him an odd look.

“How in the hell is what just happened your fault?”

“Not for that,” Leonard explained. “For earlier, when I got distracted and lost track of time. I'm sorry about that.”

“Oh,” Jim said in a dull tone. He had almost forgotten about it, but now he was hurt all over again. “I shouldn't have been surprised, it's not like it's the first time.”

Bones winced. The doors opened and they stepped out into the hallway. “Yeah, I definitely needed the flowers,” he said.

“What's that?”

“Nothing, just something I'll know for next time.” He grabbed Jim's wrist, forcing him to stop and look him in the eye. He was visibly distressed and Bones felt like shit. “I really am sorry Jim, you have no idea how bad I feel.”

Jim gave him a long, searching look before some of the hurt eased out of his eyes. “I believe you.”

They finally reached their destination, and Jim pushed the entry code into their quarters. Once inside, Bones stripped off his tie. He watched as Jim went over to their desk to check his messages and that was when he realized something.

Jim was still in his matador outfit, too.

Bones placed his tie on the coffee table next to the pile of fruit and walked over behind Jim. He wrapped his arms around his waist and buried his face in the blond's hair.

Jim stopped moving. “What are you doing?”

“Making it up to you,” Bones whispered in his ear. He nuzzled Jim's neck, planting a kiss on the part that was exposed above the shirt collar. “Unless you don't want me to...”

Jim relaxed at little at this and tilted his head to one side to expose more of his skin to Bones. “I don't know, you've got a lot to make up for.”

“I'm prepared to give my penance,” the doctor countered and he ground his hips into Jim's backside. “A _lot_ of penance.”

In spite of himself, Jim found he was smiling. He turned in Bones' arms so that they were facing each other and brushed some of the hair off the other man's forehead. They kissed and it was gentle, forgiving, and only the beginning. The kiss ended and he smiled again as Bones smiled back. “Well, what are you waiting for then?” He planted another kiss and then whispered, “Make love to me.”

Bones' smile turned a little confused.

“What?”

“Nothing just...I never thought I'd hear you use that phrase.”

At Bones' reply, Jim felt his own smile freeze. “What's wrong with 'making love'?”

Bones raised an eyebrow. “Well, nothing really. I just don't expect it coming from you, is all.”

As he crossed his arms, Jim's face went completely blank. “Uh huh. Well then, since you're such an expert, what would you call what we do?”

“I don't really call it anything, Jim. I'm too busy doing it to worry about the semantics,” Bones answered honestly.

The blankness on Jim's face was replaced by a controlled anger and Bones suddenly felt like hitting himself.

God he was just batting a thousand today, wasn't he?

“I see.” Jim pushed him away and Bones didn't try to fight him. “You know, I'm not in the mood. Think I'm going to go for a walk.” He began to move to their door.

God damn it. “Jim...”

“Don't wait up.”

With that, Jim was gone and Bones was alone wondering where exactly he went wrong.

[Chapter Two](http://ken-ichijouji.livejournal.com/25730.html) | [Chapter Four](http://ken-ichijouji.livejournal.com/26196.html)


	4. The Movie Never Ends (It Goes On and On and On and On)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the Enterprise's newest mission, a voyage to a little planet called Castro III. For once, obeying the Prime Directive is the least of their worries. It's hard to be in Starfleet when you have to deal with transporter malfunctions, video game sessions, rings, jail cells, matador costumes, bowling matches, miscommunications, spies, observation deck talks, champagne, disciplinary hearings, new nicknames, romantic dinners, and a pair of people who won't be talking when the dust settles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kirk/Bones, Spock/Uhura, Sulu/Chapel

_**Fic: The Movie Never Ends (It Goes On and On and On and On) 4/6**_  
Title: The Movie Never Ends (It Goes On and On and On and On)  
Series: Star Trek XI: [waterpark 'verse](http://ken-ichijouji.livejournal.com/21874.html)  
Rating: PG-13 for swearing and some fade to black hanky-panky  
Total Word Count: Are you ready for this shit? **44,841**. It's just...it's full of stars.  
Summary: Welcome to the Enterprise's newest mission, a voyage to a little planet called Castro III. For once, obeying the Prime Directive is the least of their worries. It's hard to be in Starfleet when you have to deal with transporter malfunctions, video game sessions, rings, jail cells, matador costumes, bowling matches, miscommunications, spies, observation deck talks, champagne, disciplinary hearings, new nicknames, romantic dinners, and a pair of people who won't be talking when the dust settles.  
Pairing Notes: Kirk/Bones, Spock/Uhura, Sulu/Chapel  
Notes: This takes place a year and eight months into the five year mission, meaning Kirk and Bones have been dating for eight months. (LOL POSTING IN MY OWN UNIVERSE OUT OF ORDER.) If you haven't read everything else in the land of waterparks and roller rinks, certain things will be confusing to you.

In which, we find out why Jim hasn't asked a certain question, what Christine's been up to, and a bowling match happens.

 _This morning_

After she lay awake for four hours, Nyota Uhura realized she was going to be unable to sleep. She was too worried and too upset to do anything except stare at the ceiling.

Spock eventually came to bed himself, and she turned to face the wall away from him. She sensed that he looked at her for a while before finally laying down himself. He made no attempt to reach out to her or to touch her.

Once she was certain he was asleep, she had quietly gotten back up and gone out into their living room. It was where she still sat hours later.

Spock was acting strangely.

He pulled away from their kiss in the transporter room.

He became irrationally jealous over the doctor patching up her wrist, then acted as if it was her fault he became upset.

He kept starting to say something to her, only to abruptly stop speaking and tell her it was nothing.

He had insulted her and admitted it was to instigate an argument.

He played that awful song.

He was being somewhat secretive.

The last time he had even tried to touch her was the incident in the transporter room. He hadn't so much as touched her hand or kissed her since several days ago.

Nyota picked at her fingernails, a bad habit from her childhood. She breathed in, deeply and slowly.

After being together for three years, Nyota knew how to read Spock's emotions in spite of how he may have downplayed them. When she asked Spock if he was unhappy, he had not answered her. He had, however, become guilty. She saw it in his eyes.

Spock was unhappy, unwilling to touch her, unable to talk to her about something, and doing things completely out of character to try and push her away.

Tears began to fill her eyes and her lips trembled. As much as it pained her, she knew what all of that meant.

After all, she had been dumped before.

Her hands were shaking and she brought one of them up to cover her mouth.

She just didn't understand _why_. Had she done something? Had she not done something? Was it because she was human and he decided it wouldn't work after all? Had he just grown tired of her?

Nyota choked back several sobs, resulting in a kind of stilted and loud breathing. She moved her hand down to her throat.

Slowly, she began to calm herself. The tears remained unshed and she was able to put her hand back into her lap.

So she was being dumped. That was fair, her and Spock had never really discussed forever or marriage, even though she was hoping maybe once the five year mission ended they could go that route. Better for them to get out now if it was no longer working for him.

She couldn't be in this room any longer.

As soon as she realized she would be unable to sleep, she brought a pair of jeans and a shirt out with her. She changed out of her nightgown into the clothing, slipping on a pair of flats she kept by the front door.

Nyota opened the door and slipped out into the hallway.

Now the question was where to go. She wasn't dressed for a work out, she didn't have the security clearance to sneak onto the water deck. Her hands were still shaking a bit.

Well, she could always go to one of the certainly deserted rec rooms and catch up on her reading.

She stepped into the turbo lift and pushed the button for deck six.

Nyota began to feel anger creep through her body and her hands clenched into fists.

She may have been able to accept that he wished to end things, but she was not willing to accept his complete cowardice in handling the situation. Obviously, the only reason why he would be so hesitant to break things off with her was that he was afraid of hurting her, of making her upset.

He had never treated her emotions as if they were a liability in the past; in fact, he had always told her he was grateful for them. So now all of a sudden when his actions were going to cause her to react in an understandable and justified fashion, they were a problem.

How _dare_ he.

How dare he take the easy way out. Nyota did not use the word owe often, but Spock definitely owed her better than that.

She stepped off the lift and turned down the hallway towards her destination. The door opened for her, and she stepped inside. “Lights,” she called out softly. The lights all came up and Nyota blinked for a moment at the sight before her.

She was expecting the room to be quiet and empty.

She was not, however, expecting to find the captain asleep on a sofa.

Nyota tilted her head to one side and looked at him curiously.

Incredibly Kirk was still in the _traje de luces_ , although he was using the jacket as a pillow. His right arm was thrown across his eyes haphazardly and his tie and shoes were laying on the ground by the sofa.

Why wasn't he sleeping in his and Leonard's quarters?

Nyota walked quietly over to the couch and knelt beside it. After looking at him for a minute, she slowly reached out a hand and gently shook Kirk's shoulder.

“Mmph, Bones, it's not time yet,” he grumbled.

Nyota sighed. “I'm not Bones and this isn't your bed.”

Slowly, Kirk moved the arm off of his face and blinked sleepily at her. Once he finally registered who she was, he abruptly sat up straight. “Uhura...I...”

“Having a rough night?” Her voice and face were both gentle.

“Understatement,” Kirk answered while cracking his neck. “I'm going on a limb and guessing you are too, because I set an alarm for nine and I know it's not that early.” He thought for a moment. “Or late. Whatever.”

Nyota's face fell for a moment. “I...” Damn it, her lips were trembling again.

Jim's eyes widened and he turned so that he was facing her. “Are you okay?”

“No,” she replied with a shake of her head and a forced laugh. “I'm really not.” She took a deep breath and got a hold of herself. “How about you? Why are you sleeping in here?”

Kirk's face became incredibly sad for a moment before he shrugged. “Don't want to talk about it.”

Oh, she knew that feeling all too well. “Likewise.”

An understanding passed between the two of them, and Kirk pat the space on the couch next to him. Quickly obliging, she sat down with him. They stayed in companionable silence for a good few minutes, neither of them quite knowing what to say.

If someone were to go back in time and tell her five years ago that her and Kirk would be moping together on a couch, she would have laughed before having them sent to Starfleet General for a psych evaluation. Not for the first time, she marveled at how much things between them had changed for the better since their time at the academy.

After a while, he nudged her shoulder with his own. She looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

“This sucks and I'm not doing it,” he declared.

“What sucks?”

“This.” He gestured to the two of them. “Fuck this. Want to help me brush up on my Andorian or something?”

Uhura smiled. “Your Klingon is worse. Much worse.”

Jim rolled his eyes. “Whatever, fine, brush up on my Klingon then.” He brushed some imaginary lint off his shirt. “Never know who I'll need to impress.”

It was Nyota's turn to roll her eyes. “We don't have that kind of time.”

“Zing,” he said. “Anyways, help a man out?”

“Of course.” They changed positions so that they both were sitting sideways on the couch Indian-style and promptly began Jim's brush up lesson.

Also not the for the first time, she was glad to call him her friend.

\-----

Pavel Chekov used his sonic brush on his teeth, taking special care around his gums. He turned it off and made a cheesy grin in the mirror to examine his handiwork.

Not bad.

“Stop hogging the mirror,” Sulu complained good-naturedly. He licked his hand and pressed it to the right side of his head. “I keep getting these stupid cowlicks.”

Pavel moved over slightly so they could both be seen in the mirror and snorted. “There is no help for you.” He finger-combed the curls at the front of his face. “I, on other hand, am perfect.”

Hikaru looked at him in amusement. “Yeah, okay. You just go right ahead and think that.” Hikaru grabbed his own sonic toothbrush and began to take care of his teeth with nearly the same vigor as Pavel. “You think we'll win this today,” he asked and his voice was muffled by the brush.

“We should, have not seen them practice at all,” the navigator answered with a shrug. “Think we want it more.”

Hikaru nodded his agreement as he turned off his toothbrush. “Yeah, I think so too. We're all really good at this.” He looked at Pavel somewhat closely for a moment. “You and Spock in particular seem to be naturals.”

Pavel shrugged. “Was easy once I got the hang.” He walked out of the room to the living area, and sat down so he could put on his sneakers. “What time is it?”

Hikaru finally decided that his hair didn't suck completely. “A little after ten, we've got plenty of time before we head down. We should probably grab breakfast, it'll be a long time before we'll get to eat if we don't.”

The Russian pulled up his messages on his PADD. Riley and DeSalle had sent a message wishing them good luck and he could where they carbon-copied it to Sulu. That was nice of them. He grinned at the part where they told them to “kick some ass.”

“Hey, you think we should do something for everyone to bring morale up?”

“What?”

Hikaru sat next to him. “We should do something to pump everyone up. Like...a chant or something.” He suddenly brightened. “Wait, I know. After the meeting the other day, I checked out some holos of twentieth century bowling teams and they all had these really cool shirts. We should go down to the quartermaster's and see if we can get the machines to make us some for everyone.”

Pavel's grin was for a different reason now. “Excellent idea! Everyone will be very happy with them!”

Sulu nodded enthusiastically. “Let's do it, but after we grab breakfast. I think Muriel was doing french toast today and I'm starving.”

Chekov brightened; he loved Muriel's french toast, it was just about his favorite thing in the world. Before they began to head out, he stopped for a moment. “Hikaru?”

“Yeah?”

He didn't know why, but for some reason he felt compelled to say, “You are my best friend. Never forget it.”

Hikaru looked touched. He smiled. “Thanks, Pavel. You too.”

Pavel felt like his smile became a little bit brighter at this. “Will remember you said that,” he said.

They left their quarters and went to breakfast.

\-----

Jim stood in front of his door at ten thirty on the dot.

He and Uhura had a lot of fun and laughs while practicing their Klingon, but he had hidden long enough. Besides, he really needed to shower before they beamed down. He grimaced at that; he really hoped that transporter was fixed this time.

He punched in the entry code and walked into his quarters. He needed a different outfit, so to the bedroom first he went.

“Where the fuck have you been,” Bones snapped from where he sat on the couch. He was already dressed and had clearly gone without sleeping.

Jim regarded him coldly. “Out. What do you care?” Without so much as another glance, he walked into their bedroom and opened the closet. Rather forcefully, he picked out a shirt and a pair of jeans.

Apparently, Bones followed him because he shortly heard “What the hell is that supposed to mean? How am I supposed to react when you disappear on me all night and you disable the computer from locating you? I looked everywhere on this rust bucket for you, Jim, and I didn't sleep a God damn wink!”

“Aw,” Jim said sarcastically. “Your life's so hard.” He needed something to put over his shirt, he kept getting cold. He reached for something when he suddenly remembered; _of course_ he lost his favorite sweater yesterday. He grabbed a longer-sleeved shirt to put over the other one and turned back around. Bones was standing right in front of him, blocking his way to the bathroom. “Excuse me, I need to shower.”

Bones didn't move.

Jim rolled his eyes. “Fine, _I'll_ get out of _your_ way.” He moved to the right and Bones followed. “Do you have a problem, Leonard?”

At the use of his given name, Bones took a step backwards with a horrified expression. Good, maybe if he could hurt him just a fraction of what Jim was feeling... “Jim, I just...I was so worried. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have been short with you just now.”

“No kidding,” the captain said. “You're not my fucking mother.”

“I never tried to say I was,” Bones said in a sad voice.

“Oh look. We finally agree on something.” Jim finally had enough and shoved his way past him.

Leonard turned and tried to keep up with a confused look. “Finally agree, what are you even talking about?”

The blond threw his clothes into the bathroom. “Let me guess, this is the part where you call me an idiot.”

“Of course not, but I have _no idea_ what you're going on about right now and...”

Jim barked out a sarcastic laugh. “Of course you don't. You've done nothing wrong, right?”

“No, Jim,” Bones said with a shake of his head. “I've obviously done something. I just...just talk to me. Please.”

Jim grit his teeth. “Oh, so now you want to talk. Now you care enough to say something,” he spat. “Well that's just too fucking bad, because I'm not listening!” With that, he stepped into the bathroom and closed the door behind him.

“Jim, come on!” Bones' voice was muffled through the thin metal of the door. There was a long, heavy silence. “Fine. I'll see you in the transporter room.”

Jim sighed and looked at his reflection in the mirror. His hands were shaking and he no longer felt any anger, just a quiet sort of dull pain. He placed his hands on the sink and took several deep breaths.

Jim wasn't stupid, he knew why he neglected to answer any of Bones' questions directly. Why he lashed out at him instead of talking.

He was scared.

No, he wasn't scared. He was completely fucking terrified.

Nothing in his life had been as stable, as healthy, or as wonderful as his relationship with Bones. He couldn't remember a time where he was ever happier than the past eight months. He loved Bones, more than he previously thought it was possible for him to love another person.

But Bones...Bones didn't love him back.

While he was taking his walk the night before, he realized that Bones had never once said the words _I love you_ to him. Not one single time. And God, that filled him with a pain that he never knew in his entire life.

If Bones never said it...then obviously he didn't feel the same way as him.

Jim took another deep breath and looked again at his reflection. He swallowed around the lump in his throat.

Bones didn't love him.

Maybe he just wasn't there yet, but regardless he didn't. If they talked about it...if he asked Bones point-blank and was told “You're right, I don't”...then he was done for.

He was done for and he had no idea what the hell he was going to do.

Jim finally understood why there were so many songs about this, and why so many people derided this in poetry. More than anything else he ever faced, he knew that this was his real _Kobayashi Maru_ , that this was the real no-win scenario. If he held on and just settled for what he was given, it would eat him alive. If he let Bones walk out the door, he would be wrecked.

God, he couldn't even meet his own gaze in the mirror. With a growl, he forced himself to look again.

“You're pathetic,” he said to himself, soft and bitter. “You're a mess.”

Jim sighed loudly and then repeated the action. He slid the door open and stepped out into the living area to check the time.

Shit, it was going on eleven.

He didn't have time for this, he had a goal to meet and a crew to lead.

Jim promptly turned on his heel and stepped back into the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

Time to go to work.

\-----

As Scotty was in command up on the bridge, Keenser and Richards were the only representatives from engineering in the transporter room.

“You're absolutely certain you've got it this time,” Kirk said flatly.

Richards nodded.

“We hadn't realized there some kind of weird energy field in that debris,” Keenser supplied. “It's a huge cloud of several different types of radiation. This radiation is what's been spiking and is what's been interfering with the memory patterns in the computer banks. Not enough to turn you all into evil duplicates or scramble your atoms across space, but just enough to play havoc with your clothes.” Keenser crossed his arms, as if daring Kirk to question him further. “It took all night to make the calculations and we tested it twice. There'll be smooth sailing from here on out.”

Jim was not entirely convinced, but he nodded anyways. He supposed they would see when they were done with the match.

Regardless he was still pissed about his cardigan.

Chekov and Sulu arrived in the transporter room at that moment, each with a pile of black fabric in their arms.

“Do I want to know?” Jim pointed to the piles. His navigator and his pilot exchanged a look.

“You'll see when everyone gets here,” was all Sulu would say.

Spock was the next person to arrive, and he raised an eyebrow at the fabric in their arms as well. The pair still said nothing and he simply took a spot on the transporter pad. He placed his hands behind his back.

Uhura was next and she smiled at Jim and the others before she noticed Spock. The smile abruptly faded and she stayed on the ground near Team Goldshirt.

“You ready?” Kirk nudged her lightly.

“Of course,” she answered. She nudged him back, then glanced towards Spock. The Vulcan was watching her interaction with the captain curiously. She gave him a look that plainly dared him to say something. He looked down at the floor instead and she felt her confidence waver a little.

Nyota noticed Jim suddenly stiffen next to her and she looked at the door where McCoy was standing with an uncertain look on his face. He looked at the captain beseechingly for a minute, but all he got for his trouble was a glare. Bones wilted a little, but he didn't seem all that surprised by the reaction. Without so much as a hello, he walked over to the transporter pad and stood on it next to Spock.

Chekov looked up at Sulu with a weird expression. The pilot didn't notice at first, he was too busy looking at all of his friends.

It was fairly obvious that none of them had talked yet.

Hikaru shook his head sadly. It didn't matter if there was a four-way murder-suicide when they got back, they just needed to behave for three hours or so. Then again, they were all professionals and this was their job. They had to do it and do it well, and he had enough faith in them to know that they would.

Pavel elbowed him, and he looked down to meet his gaze. The ensign lifted up the pile in his arms. Oh, right.

“Hey guys,” Hikaru said and everyone turned their attention to him. “Pavel and I had some time this morning so we decided that, like all teams, the six of us need a uniform.” He handed part of his pile to Pavel and held one piece of black fabric up.

It was a short-sleeved button up shirt. The embroidery above the front pocket spelled out _Chekov_ in a shade of gold that matched the two stripes running down the front and the cuffs on the sleeves. Two of the shirts had similar stripes and embroidery in blue, and the last one was in red.

“There is one for everybody,” Chekov said helpfully. “Should put on before we go!”

The other three humans all looked oddly touched by this and came forward, Sulu handing them out to each person. Spock hesitated somewhat before moving, and Sulu chose to believe that meant he was touched as well.

“These are great, guys,” Kirk said as he buttoned his up. “Thanks.”

“Very welcome,” Pavel replied. “Here, Doctor.”

“Thanks,” Bones said quietly. He slid his on, choosing to leave it open over his current shirt.

Jim stepped over to the console and pushed the intercom to the bridge. “Kirk to bridge.”

“Bridge, Scott here.”

“Scotty, we're going to beam down in a second. Spock's comm will remain open, in case anything hinky goes down.” Something clicked and he realized he hadn't yet checked on the thing with sick bay. “Did you ever figure out what happened last night?”

“Not yet,” came Scotty's answer. “It looks unlikely that it'll happen a second time. Some of my men are still there working on it, though, in the off-chance it should. This way they'll be able to open her up straight away. Until we know the cause, I can't make any promises.”

Jim nodded. “Okay, that's all I needed.”

“Captain? You sure you don't need any security or anything?” Scotty sounded somewhat curious.

Jim sighed. “It's a bowling match, Scotty, and these people are friendly. It'd be superfluous.”

“All right then, just figured I'd ask in case you changed your mind,” came Scotty's reply.

Jim nodded. “Thanks for having our backs. Kirk out.” He closed the commlink and turned to join everyone else on the pad.

The others were wearing their shirts and the group of them looked oddly impressive together. Sulu couldn't help but notice that Nyota and Kirk were as far away from Spock and McCoy as they could get. It occurred to him then that Christine was nowhere to be found after she promised to wish him luck. Oh well, she was in all likelihood tied up with work. He sighed.

“Stand by,” Keenser called. “We're all set.”

“Energize,” Kirk answered.

As he felt the pull of the transporter begin, Sulu reminded himself that it was only going to take three hours. What could possibly go wrong?

\-----

After beaming in successfully Team Enterprise, as Jim was now referring to them in his head, made their way into the bowling alley that served as Lebowski's town hall.

The other team did not appear to have arrived yet, so they waited a moment.

A girl that Jim recognized as the one he had spoken with the other day approached them. She smiled at him. “You're Kirk, right?”

Jim smiled back. “I am, yeah.”

“Good,” she said. “Go ahead and get your shoes, you guys are going to be on lane twenty-two today. The Dude and his advisors will be next to you at twenty-one.” She gave a little wave and with that, ran off to the snack bar.

Jim looked at his crew, some of which looked less enthusiastic than the others. “Okay guys, you heard her. Shoes then warm up.” They all got in a line and began to wait patiently. The guy at the counter knew them all by now and without asking handed each person the appropriate size.

“How come you have purple,” Pavel asked as he pointed to Uhura's shoes.

She shrugged. “Probably because I'm a woman. I didn't really think about it, honestly.” She didn't really mind either, as it was her favorite color.

Two pairs of shoes were placed up on the counter at the same time and Jim reached for a pair absently. He made sure they were the right ones (they were) and he began to lead his troops to the lane.

Hurriedly, everyone grabbed their preferred bowling balls and sat them on the machine. Spock began to put everyone's name into the computer; Jim would have stopped him, but as this was the real deal their actual names were more appropriate today.

For obvious reasons, he wasn't in much of a joking mood.

Chekov and Sulu began to throw practice balls while Uhura began to tape up her wrist the same way Bones did the day before. Jim cracked his knuckles.

“Captain,” a voice called from behind him and he turned around.

The Dude had arrived. He stood, sunglasses on like always with five other people behind him. Jim shook his hand with a smile.

“Dude,” he said. “Always a pleasure.”

The Dude nodded in return. “I'd like to introduce you to my team. This here's the Vice Dude,” he said and a man also in sunglasses nodded his hello. “Also we have the Sheriff, Agriculture Chief, School Superintendent, and Head Librarian.” Jim looked at him quizzically at the last. “I told you we like to read.”

“Right,” Jim said. “Thanks again for letting us have the use of this place to practice.”

“Not a problem,” the Dude answered. “We like things to be...fair. It was the least we could do.”

A crowd was beginning to form in the bowling alley. It was at least as large as the crowd on the day of their election, if not bigger. “Invited a lot of spectators?”

“I declared it a holiday,” the Dude said with a smile. “A lot of the children wanted to see it and I just couldn't break their hearts.”

There didn't seem to be all that many children present, but maybe there would be more soon. Jim cracked his knuckles again.

The Dude's advisors began to get warmed up themselves; soon, everyone was taking turns throwing practice balls. After about twenty minutes of that, a gentleman in a referee outfit raised both arms and the teams abruptly stopped what they were doing.

“Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the first ever Lebowski-Federation bowl off,” he said and the crowd around them cheered. “Whatever team wins the best out of three games wins it all.” He looked pointedly to team Enterprise. “Remember, this is scratch bowling so no handicaps.”

Jim grimaced. Shit, they were counting on that. He leaned into Spock. “That gonna mess things up?”

Spock shook his head. “The largest handicap was Lieutenant Uhura's and her bowling has improved since they were calculated.”

“Good.” Jim calmed himself.

“Our home team is going to go first,” the ref continued. “Federation will bowl second.” He smiled at both teams in turn. “Let's have fun and keep things clean everyone. Good luck to both of you.” He dropped his arms. “Let's bowl!”

The crowd cheered and the music started pumping through the speakers once more. The Dude grabbed his ball and began to start his first turn. Jim rotated his wrist thoughtlessly before he sensed someone staring at him. He looked up and Bones had moved somewhat close to him. “What,” he snapped.

“Nothing,” Bones snapped back before he even realized it. He shrank a little where he stood before saying in a dull tone, “Just...good luck, Jim.”

Jim didn't answer or thank him, but he did incline his head in a slight nod.

The crowd started to cheer a third time and he looked up at the screen above him. The Dude had opened with a strike. Jim sighed, and then cleared his head.

Without another thought, he grabbed his ball and began to bowl.

\-----

Christine Chapel gave a frustrated shout as she threw the PADD across her room in disgust.

It wasn't bad enough she had to break her word to Hikaru because of this stupid assignment. No, of course it wasn't, so on top of everything she was having a hard time making heads or tails of these files.

She knew the people on Castro were stuck in the twenty-first century but this was fucking ridiculous.

All of the information she grabbed about their government basically read like sports stat sheets. For each person in their government, there was a total of their wins and losses. It also listed things like their handicaps, what hand they preferred to bowl with, time in office, and ball weight.

In all likelihood it was the absolute most useless and boring intel she had the misfortune of ever coming across in all of the time she had been doing this.

She needed to keep reviewing it though, it was part of the job description. She also had to do it quickly, as the away team was probably almost done bowling at this point.

Everything looked run-of-the-mill and routine. There was no mention of the Federation in these reports, even though the _Icarus_ had crashed there two hundred years ago. That was somewhat odd, as they did have low-level warp drives. Most planets with that at least had heard of the Federation. Typically there was some sort of mention or yay or nay in the files. Everything she was examining was simply a bunch of bowling achievements.

This was really beginning to drive her insane.

Something kept nagging at her over the these reports, though, and so she forced herself to keep running over them. There was something she just intrinsically did not like about these people when she went planetside the other night and she was determined to find out what it was.

Spies with bad instincts didn't tend to last very long and Christine had been active now for two years.

Sighing, she stood up and walked across the room to grab her PADD back. Chris pulled the file back up and began to review it again. It hadn't taken her long to find the files once she had been looking, but she couldn't find anything important at all in them. Ignoring all the references to some old film, they were also riddled with image files of bowling trophies.

Wait, that was weird.

The trophy under their leader, The Dude's, picture didn't match any of the ones he was said to have. It actually looked a lot like a stock photo now that she was examining it more closely. She scrolled down further in the reports.

Now that she paid them more attention, they all looked like stock photos.

“Let's see,” she said as she began to chew on her lower lip. If she could isolate the images from the reports, she might find something worth reporting back.

Her last couple rounds of intel gathering had been boring and mundane, so she was about due for something interesting.

The image files had been isolated, and she saw that several of them had been repeated throughout the paperwork. Maybe there was some kind of code in the trophy names themselves. She opened one of the images separately from the others in order to catch a glimpse of the file name.

Christine was fairly up on her technological history, so she knew that once upon a time people would name these simple files, called .jpegs, things like “can_roof.jpeg” or something similar. Descriptive names that told you immediately what the file was. People even did it with holos, that way they always knew what they were getting.

This file had a string of gibberish about thirty characters long and a weird extension name.

Wait a minute, didn't people used to have a type of cryptography with images? She wanted to say it was visual cryptography or something like that. You'd have several images and when you put them over top each other you got a hidden message.

Taking her stylus, she took the first image file and began to pile them in order on top of each other. It took several minutes, as there were twenty-four images in total. She flattened them out to make one big file.

Some of these were plans for spaceships. It seemed like all of them had failed, due to the debris field surrounding the planet.

She caught a mention of the transporters and it made her eyes widen.

These weren't just plans for spaceships. These were plans for...oh _shit_.

She needed to get to Scotty _right now_.

\-----

It was the last bowler of the ninth frame and Jim was starting to worry. At this point, he honestly thought he'd rather deal with Nero again than ever have another bowling mission.

The first game, the Lebowskians had won. They started with a fair lead and Team Enterprise only was able to bridge the gap towards the end of it. Chekov let his nerves affect him a little, which Jim had not blamed him for at all. For something that was supposed to be so much fun, the pressure was mounting exponentially.

The second game went to Team Enterprise, thanks to Chekov regaining his confidence and some sweet pick ups by Sulu and Bones. Everyone bowled personal bests that round and Jim found he was incredibly proud of all of them.

This entire third game they were virtually neck-and-neck the whole time, although Team Enterprise was currently in a slight lead. It probably was going to come down to the very last frame for both teams. He wiped the sweat off his brow and prepared to grab his ball. Slightly nervously, he let the Dude go ahead of him.

The Dude went, and with ease bowled a strike.

Shit, that meant he got two more turns and Jim had to get a strike himself to keep them all in the game.

Luckily on his second go, The Dude only hit nine of the pins. Cursing under his breath, he picked up the spare unhappily.

Feeling the pressure, Jim bowled.

All ten of the pins went down with a loud crash.

Thank God. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. _Do it again, Jim. Just do it again._

He narrowed his eyes and let loose.

The ten pins went down a second time.

Jesus.

He bowled for the third time and knocked eight of the pins down, which was fine. He had pulled them far enough ahead for now.

The next bowler went and also got two strikes, but he only took down six pins on his third shot. Spock quickly pulled out three strikes of his own.

Their School Superintendent went next and she got one strike and a spare, which meant that Team Enterprise was still leading. Bones also got a strike and a spare, which made the gap shrink a little. The Lebowskians held their own against Sulu and Uhura, and their final bowler pulled a strike while only knocking down seven more pins.

This was it. It all came down to Chekov.

“Come on,” he whispered to the navigator. “You can do it, just do it like you did the whole time. You make this and you'll get a commendation.”

Pavel looked at him with an oddly blank expression. “May I use the restroom first?”

Without so much as a single word, Jim handed him his bowling ball. He raised his eyebrow.

Chekov took the ball, sulking a little. “Forget I said.”

As stupid as it was, since the kid had bowled a perfect game already, Jim found himself incredibly nervous. Chekov, however, was perfectly calm as he took his ball and made his way to the foul line.

Naturally, he threw a strike.

Jim clenched his hands into fists. _Just do it two more times, Chekov. Just two more times._

His ball came through the return, and Chekov grabbed it. Once more, he strode to the foul line.

Another strike.

The only sound in the room was that of the music playing over the speakers.

Sulu stood next to him with a serious look on his face. Even Spock looked nervous.

Chekov placed the ball on his right hand and swallowed. He stared, resolute, down the lane.

Without another moment's delay, he went to the foul line. Chekov brought his arm back and released his ball.

The entire room was holding their breath.

The ball made its way down the lane and hit the pins.

It wasn't a third strike, but nine of them went down and it was enough.

“Yes!” Jim shouted triumphantly. They had done it! They had won, although barely, and Castro was going to join the Federation! Finally something was going right for him!

He quickly turned and fist-bumped Chekov and Sulu before hugging Uhura. She was surprised for a moment, but she quickly hugged him back. She then moved to hug the other two boys and he turned around with a smile.

Bones had just finished congratulating Spock when he looked at Jim with a tentative smile. Jim felt his face harden, and he quickly turned and looked away. He knew it was childish, but he just...he couldn't right then.

Bones slowly stopped smiling. Obviously, Jim was still upset.

All right then.

He quickly moved to congratulate Sulu, giving the captain another sad glance.

Uhura finished hugging Chekov, ruffling his hair affectionately. She studiously avoided Spock all together.

“Congratulations,” the Dude finally said. “Y'all did a fine job. You kept us on our toes, that's for sure.”

Jim shook his hand with a grin. “You too. For a minute there I thought you had us.”

At that, the citizens surrounding them suddenly all drew guns. The Enterprise bowling team all stopped celebrating and clustered more tightly together.

“Oh you've been had all right,” the Dude answered and his smile was sharp like a knife.

[Chapter Three](http://ken-ichijouji.livejournal.com/25999.html) | [Chapter Five](http://ken-ichijouji.livejournal.com/26585.html)


	5. The Movie Never Ends (It Goes On and On and On and On)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the Enterprise's newest mission, a voyage to a little planet called Castro III. For once, obeying the Prime Directive is the least of their worries. It's hard to be in Starfleet when you have to deal with transporter malfunctions, video game sessions, rings, jail cells, matador costumes, bowling matches, miscommunications, spies, observation deck talks, champagne, disciplinary hearings, new nicknames, romantic dinners, and a pair of people who won't be talking when the dust settles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> do not cross Christine Chapel. “With that said, I need to run down to security.”

_**Fic: The Movie Never Ends (It Goes On and On and On and On) 5/6**_  
Title: The Movie Never Ends (It Goes On and On and On and On)  
Series: Star Trek XI: [waterpark 'verse](http://ken-ichijouji.livejournal.com/21874.html)  
Rating: PG-13 for swearing and some fade to black hanky-panky  
Total Word Count: Are you ready for this shit? **44,841**. It's just...it's full of stars.  
Summary: Welcome to the Enterprise's newest mission, a voyage to a little planet called Castro III. For once, obeying the Prime Directive is the least of their worries. It's hard to be in Starfleet when you have to deal with transporter malfunctions, video game sessions, rings, jail cells, matador costumes, bowling matches, miscommunications, spies, observation deck talks, champagne, disciplinary hearings, new nicknames, romantic dinners, and a pair of people who won't be talking when the dust settles.  
Pairing Notes: Kirk/Bones, Spock/Uhura, Sulu/Chapel  
Notes: This takes place a year and eight months into the five year mission, meaning Kirk and Bones have been dating for eight months. (LOL POSTING IN MY OWN UNIVERSE OUT OF ORDER.) If you haven't read everything else in the land of waterparks and roller rinks, certain things will be confusing to you.

In which the shit finally hits the fan, a bit harder for some people than for others.

So I have a playlist for this 'verse, and as appropriate I add or subtract songs depending on the mood of the story. I added three Amy Winehouse songs, including "Love is a Losing Game." BUT...I also added Alicia Keys' "Through it All."

Director's commentary: originally Kirk and Sulu were going to sing "Roses" by Outkast. I may still have them do it in the future, it's a great mental image.

I also really feel like I should have stuck with the original summary, which was simply "Love makes you crazy." I bet you can't guess what six people that referred to, albeit some more than the others.

 _Approximately twenty minutes ago_

“Can't we talk about this,” Jim said with his arms above his head. The sheriff was busy frisking all of them and taking their communicators away.

Terrific, now they were cut off.

The crew of the Enterprise were being ushered unceremoniously out of the building and to the jail, the people of Lebowski still surrounding them with their weapons. Not for the first time, Jim kicked his own ass inside his head. They had seemed so friendly and so peaceful with the bowling. Clearly, Scotty was on to something earlier.

Although to be fair, the others were all thinking the same thing going by the looks on their faces.

“Afraid not,” the Dude said cheerfully. “Your Federation's got things that we need, like your fancy spaceships and transporters. I'm sorry but we have to take those things so we can get out of here and this seemed like the only way to get them immediately..”

“I do not understand,” Spock said in a tone that Jim knew meant he was pissed. “This hostility is completely unwarranted and illogical. By being a part of the Federation, in due time you would...”

“In due time isn't acceptable. We've been trying to get off this rock for decades. Every single attempt we make fails, so we're stuck.” The sheriff shrugged. “Lebowski's in the only viable terrain, we know, we've explored it. It's not a life for us, it's a death sentence. We're already running low on our resources. Our people deserve something better and we aim to have it. Nothing personal.”

“It never is,” Jim heard Bones grumble from behind him.

“But again, we'd be able to help you with terraforming,” Jim said. “I mean, everything you want you'd...wait a minute. You did this on purpose.” He stopped walking. “You counted on us being so distracted by the bowling that you'd be able to overtake us.”

“Classic misdirection,” the Dude answered with a smile. “Never had any plans for joining the Federation, but I have plenty of plans for your ship and its transporters.” He thought for a moment. “By the way, have any trouble with those since you got here?”

Jim felt himself go pale. “You set that up? How could you have, you didn't even _know_ about them!”

“No we didn't set it up, but all of the crashed ships in have caused considerable amounts of radiation to be in that debris. Kind of a messed up 'atmospheric condition,' wouldn't you say Captain?” The Dude smiled, a cold humorless smile. “Figure those fancy walkie-talkies of yours are how you tell them to come get you. Once I take those, you've got no way out.”

There was a long silence as the Starfleet officers all considered the implications of his words.

“What do you want,” Jim finally said.

“Pretty simple. We want your ship to get us out of here.” He shrugged. “Let us have the Enterprise and I'll let y'all live to fight another day.”

“You'll never get her,” Jim said with a snarl. “My crew is the best in Starfleet and they know the rules. The Federation does not negotiate with terrorists.”

“Really, I think they'll be singing a different tune when I have one of you shot in the head while they can hear it.” The Dude's smile was a little too wide. “Maybe the funny little one, I'll start with him since he's the lowest rank.”

“You are bluffing,” Chekov said between clenched teeth.

“This one's on, sir,” the librarian stated. “Do you want to use it to call the ship?”

“No, let's use it to send a little message.” The Dude took it out of her hand and threw it on the ground. He then cocked his gun and shot it with perfect accuracy, making it explode into small pieces. “Still think I'm kidding about killing you?”

Chekov simply stared back at him defiantly as Sulu moved slightly in between him and the Dude.

“You won't take any of us out, we're too important,” Kirk said flatly.

“Do you really want to test me? Go on, _Captain_ , call my bluff.” They had stopped walking and were in front of a cell. “Get in.”

The six of them slowly made their way in without another protest or word. Everyone sat down on the two benches lining the walls except for Jim as the cell door banged closed. He watched the Dude and his army walk away.

“So. This went well.”

\-----

Scotty paced across the bridge like an angry tiger trapped in a cage.

Given that the crew of the Enterprise found themselves in hostage situations far more frequently than any other Federation vessel, Spock had taken to leaving his communication line open any time he was in an away team. This way, the crew would be immediately notified to anything going wrong with their missions.

Spock's communicator just became silent after a hideously loud bang, presumably because it was destroyed.

He tried to hear what exactly was going down after the bowling match ended as well, although most of it had been garbled. Nevertheless, he had been here enough times before to know something shady was happening when he saw it..

The protocol, with which they well familiarized with at this point, was to take no action until either the landing party was four hours overdue for checking in or any hostile party contacted the Enterprise to make any demands known. Neither had occurred yet, and thus Scotty was pacing.

Oh yes, Scotty knew the rules and in any other circumstance of his being in command he would have gladly followed them. This time, though, the situation involved six out of the seven most senior officers on the ship, including the first and chief medical officers. He needed to do something.

He knew he couldn't just go in guns blazing without evidence, especially not against a people who were far behind them developmentally. He'd be liable to cause a galactic incident. Scotty also knew he couldn't allow them to keep the captain and the others in captivity (or worse) either.

Scotty cracked the knuckles on his left hand, then the right.

There had to be something.

The turbo lift opened, and Nurse Chapel stepped onto the bridge. “Got a minute, Scotty?”

Scotty stared at her. She must have been joking. “I hardly think this is the time for a chat, lass.”

“Then it's a good thing I'm not asking for one.” Her expression was stony. “I wouldn't be here if it wasn't urgent.”

Scotty gave her a confused look.

“There's not much time to explain, but I've got something you want.” She gestured with her thumb to the turbo lift door. “If you'll just come with me to the ready room...”

Scotty stared at her incredulously. “Nurse, I really don't have...”

“The time, I know. Which is why I am asking you to come with me.” Christine had obviously run out of patience. “I _can't_ explain here, but I will be more than happy to go over everything with you in the _ready room_.”

On the one hand, he was really curious as to what the head nurse was going on about. On the other hand, he was kind of pissed that she was trying to order him around during an emergency. Still, if she was right and she had anything of use, he needed it.

Badly.

“Two minutes,” he finally said. He turned to Riley. “You have the conn, Lieutenant.”

Scotty gestured for her to go first and they stepped into the turbo lift together. They were silent during the short ride and even as they walked into the room. He thought for a brief moment, then pushed the locking code so they wouldn't be interrupted. She stood opposite from him on the other side of the conference table.

“This is for your ears only,” Chris began after a moment. “I'd start at the beginning, but I think it's pretty clear at this point that the people of Lebowski are not only a type of cargo cult, but aggressive. They've kidnapped Captain Kirk and the others to auction them off in exchange for the ship and the transporter technology. They've already achieved a basic form of warp drive on their own, but haven't been able to get their ships past the debris surrounding their planet.” Scotty's jaw fell open. “Their leader never planned on entering the Federation through any sort of treaty or agreement.”

“So a hostage exchange for the ship?” Scotty placed his hands on the back of a chair. “Damn, we fell right into it.” Something occurred to him then. “Wait a moment, if you knew this why didn't you say anything?”

“I didn't realize it myself until a few minutes ago, and immediately made my way to the bridge once I put two and two together. I see now going by the tension that I was a few minutes too late.” She shrugged. “We don't have a lot of time before they give their demands so we need to get in there and retrieve the others as quickly as possible. They're assuming we can't beam in and out, so they think Kirk and the others are trapped.”

“They're assuming...the transporter malfunction.” Scotty slapped his hand to his forehead. “Someone must have let it slip that they weren't working right but didn't tell them how. But Richards and Keenser fixed it this morning, we have no problems with beaming anymore.”

She nodded. “Good. I'm thinking two security officers with the two of us should be plenty, their security other than a few people with guns is surprisingly sparse. If we go in armed with phasers then...”

“Hold it, I don't understand,” Scotty held up his hands. “Why are you volunteering for this? And exactly how did you come across all of this information in the first place?”

Christine hesitated before answering. “I probably shouldn't, I feel like I've said too much as it is.”

“In for a penny, out for a pound, lass.” The engineer pointed at her. “I'm not authorizing any rescue until you give me your answer.”

“All right then,” she finally said. “Ever hear of Starfleet Black Ops?”

Scotty blinked. “I've heard talk, but I always chalked it up to being a myth. I mean, I've been in Starfleet for a while now and I've never run into any of their supposed agents.”

Christine nodded. “Until now.”

Scotty blinked again. “I can honestly say I did not expect that.”

“I'll take that as a compliment,” she said with a grin. “Computer, pull up encrypted file Lebowski seven-delta-six-three authorization Sistene password november-oscar-oscar-november-echo.”

“Sistene?”

“My code name.”

“I gathered. I meant, as in the Sistene Chap...oh, that's just unfortunate.”

“Tell me about it.” The files came up on the view screen. It was a map of the city, with certain areas highlighted in red. “Given what I saw while gathering my intel, they're most likely being held here,” she said as she pointed to a highlighted building. “However, the people have obviously taken away their communicators. The Lebowskians aren't stupid, just behind us a little. We're going to have to improvise a little in order to get everyone back. I'd say we have about ten minutes at most to get in there before the Dude starts shooting them up.”

Scotty nodded. They would have to time it precisely, that wasn't a big window at all. “If you have a closer set of schematics for that building, I should be able to roughly figure out their coordinates and get us beamed if not exactly by their cell, fairly close to.”

She nodded. “Not a problem. Computer, enhance grid coordinates charlie-three by delta-four.”

The computer did as instructed, and a larger, more clear view of the building instantly took up the entire view screen. Scotty moved and stood right in front of it, doing the math in his head.

“I think I got it,” he finally said. He turned to look at her. “Now you go ahead to the armory and get us some phasers. I'll meet you in the transporter room in five minutes with two of Cupcake's men. I think it best we keep this as quiet as possible.” He shrugged. “Do they know our protocol for away missions or for hostage negotiations?”

“As far as I can gather, they don't. Most likely, they're assuming none of us have any idea what is going on and that we won't attempt a rescue with the captain at risk.” Chris's expression turned to one of disgust. “I imagine they'll try coercing Kirk himself using the others as bargaining chips before moving on to straight ransom.”

It made a certain amount of sense, as awful as it was. Scotty nodded. “Right then. Let's just stick to what we've said. I'll see you in the transporter room in...” He checked the chronometer. “Four minutes.” Something occurred to him because of her mention of the phasers and he had to ask. “So have you ever...I mean...you know...”

Having obviously expected this, Christine sighed. “Yes I've killed people, Scotty, but only when strictly necessary.”

“Right then.” Mental note: do not cross Christine Chapel. “With that said, I need to run down to security.”

She nodded once. “I'll be out of here in a moment, I just need to take down these files and clear the memory.”

“Of course. See you in the transporter room, Lieutenant.” It wasn't fitting to call her a Nurse, not at that moment anyways. Scotty made his way out of the ready room, and as the door closed behind him he couldn't help but laugh darkly.

Starfleet Black Ops.

Would wonders never cease.

\-----

“Why do all of our missions end with us in a cell,” Sulu wondered out loud.

Uhura looked hopeful. “I don't suppose Scotty and the rest of the crew know what went down?”

“The Dude said they're getting their demands together, so they'll figure it out shortly. Him shooting Spock's communicator probably has Scotty in a fit right now.” Jim leaned back against the bars. “I believe him when he says they'll start with Chekov and work their way up to me.” Everyone looked up at him. “Well, come on. You don't open with the biggest prize.”

No one could argue with that.

“If they do not issue demands in a timely manner, Mister Scott will have to wait until four hours past the time we agreed to check in,” Spock pointed out. “He will then have no choice but to follow standard protocol, assuming of course that there is anyone left to rescue.”

Bones groaned. “What a cheery thought. And who made up that rule anyways? It's almost like Starfleet _wants_ all of this unnecessary drama all of the time.”

“You don't get to drop things just because they're inconvenient for you,” Jim found himself snapping. “I realize that's a new concept and all, but it is what it is. Get over it.”

Uhura looked up at him with obvious concern. Chekov and Spock were staring at him curiously, while Sulu made a face.

“Okay, I've had enough.” Bones, on the other hand, was pissed. He slowly stood and turned to face Jim with his jaw set. “You've been snapping at me or glaring at me over everything I've done all day. The hell is your problem?”

The captain snorted. “Nothing. Forget it.”

“No, I'm not going to forget it. I've tried asking you, but you won't talk to me. You can't run away while we're in here, so what the hell is going on?”

Jim's expression was carefully neutral. “You really want to do this?”

“I don't, I'd really...” Sulu called from where he sat.

“You obviously do, otherwise you wouldn't have made that bullshit comment just now,” Bones spat.

“...Rather you...didn't.” Sulu sighed again. He was not alone, as Nyota joined him this time. Chekov's eyes were wide and Spock had an eyebrow raised.

“Oh, so now I'm just spouting bullshit.” Jim crossed his arms. “If I'm just spouting bullshit then I don't know why you're even talking to me. Since I _obviously_ have nothing worthwhile to say.”

“What are you talking about?” Bones had his hands on his hips. “You're not making sense, you just keep talking in circles and I've got no idea what this even is all about!”

“Of course you don't, but then that's just the problem with you isn't it?”

Bones threw up his hands. “And here we go again with the riddles. I swear, Jim, talking to you right now is making me want to napalm a God damn bridge.”

“Burning bridges, Bones? That's a little on the nose, even for you.” Jim put his hands in his pockets. “The fact that I have to spell this out for you is completely insane. If you can't figure out my problem, my _incredibly obvious_ problem, then I don't think I have anything to say to you.”

“Oh no you don't,” Bones had walked towards him and got so close he was almost in his face. “I said you don't get to run away this time. You are going to tell me what your problem is and we are going to work this out!”

“I said I don't have anything to say to you.” Jim got in his face right back. “And besides, there's nothing to work out. Nothing's going to go away or change, so why even fucking bother?”

The anger drained out of Bones and he took a step backwards. “Nothing to work out? So...that's just it?”

“Oh don't give me that, don't act like you care,” Jim snapped. “We both know that's bullshit so just...save it.”

Realization dawned on Bones' face and he looked a little shocked. “You think I don't care about our relationship? No...you think I don't care about _you_ , is that it? Jim, if this is about yesterday, I'm sorry, I told you how sorry I am.”

He laughed. “Whatever, this is so much bigger than you getting lost in your work. This is about the fact that for three months you've been letting me live a complete fucking _lie_!”

Jim had never seen Bones look quite as small as he did right then. “What?”

“Seriously, why'd you ever let me fucking say it? Why didn't you just play it straight with me? I mean, this whole thing is obviously just a game to you, so why would you lead me on? Why would you let me think this was real?” Jim was aware of the fact that he was shouting, he just didn't care at all. “ _Why would you trick me into thinking that you loved me_?”

His voice echoed off the cell walls as a long silence stretched over the group.

Jim had been prepared for guilt, shame, anger...any number and combination of emotions to cross Bones' face with that statement.

He had not been prepared _at all_ for the other man to just look...so completely _shattered_ by his words. Bones looked broken, as if Jim had just ripped his heart out and stepped on it. A lot of his frustration left him at that and Jim found himself wondering if maybe he had been too quick to judge the situation.

When Bones finally spoke, his voice was timid. “You...you think...you really believe I'd do that you? You think I'd ever be able to hurt you like that?”

Shit. “Bones...”

“Don't.” Bones closed his eyes for a moment, before looking away from him completely. “Just don't.” Very quietly, he walked away from Jim in order to sit back down.

Shit. Shit, shit, _shit_. “No, Bones wait...”

Finally deeming it safe to interrupt, Spock cleared his throat. “Captain, for the sake of propriety may I advise you to continue this conversation when the two of you are alone?”

Uhura snorted.

“I am assuming that I inadvertently made a joke of some sort as I am wont to do.” Spock looked somewhat confused. “I still do not understand the complexities of Terran humor.”

“You don't understand much, that's for sure,” Uhura snapped.

Sulu buried his face in his hands. “And here we go.”

“Nyota...as the captain and the doctor have demonstrated, I do not feel that this is the time or place for this discussion.”

“Well excuse me, but I'm not sure I should care what you feel right now. You obviously haven't spared a thought about how I'm feeling for the past few days.” The look on her face was one of barely controlled anger. “I mean really Spock, if you want to end it with me just come out and say so.”

Chekov and Jim looked at Spock with matching expressions of shock. Bones had even glanced up at the Vulcan at that. Spock blinked exactly four times.

“I...do not know where you got that idea.”

“The way you've been behaving? The stalled attempts at talking to me about something serious that you never follow through with? The jerking away from me and trying to argue with me?” Nyota crossed her arms and had both eyebrows raised. “Sweetheart, I get the message. Just tell me it's over instead of being a coward.”

“You misunderstand,” he said and he actually sounded somewhat desperate. “I only wished to...”

“What, Spock? You're supposed to be able to talk to me about anything. What is it that you suddenly can't say?” She shook her head.

“I cannot...discuss the specifics here,” he said with a slight edge to his voice. “Please understand I do not wish to terminate our relationship.”

“I asked you point-blank if you were unhappy. I _asked_ you, Spock, and you couldn't be bothered to be honest with me. What am I supposed to believe right now?” Nyota's eyes filled with angry tears. “I can handle it, just tell me the truth. That's all I'm asking for.”

“I...cannot.” He shook his head. “Not in this manner.”

“I just told you I can handle it,” she yelled. “I swear, I could just _shake_ you right now, you're so...”

“Enough!” Sulu shouted over top of her.

Everyone stared at him.

“Seriously. You're four grown adults and we are still technically _in the middle of a mission_. Can you please act like it? Right now we all have bigger concerns than your insecurities,” he gestured to Kirk and Uhura, “and your inability to communicate properly.” He gestured to Spock and Bones. “So just _please_. Not now.”

“Hikaru is right,” Pavel added. “He has his own relationship troubles and he is not yelling. Chapel even got locked away from him in medical and he does not complain.” There was a long silence as the four people in question were properly shamed by their friends.

Sulu, on the other hand, looked at Pavel curiously. “Wait a minute. How did you know that?”

Everyone turned to stare at the navigator, who suddenly looked more than a little nervous.

“I...you told me, Hikaru.”

“No, Pavel, I didn't. I told you she couldn't make it last night. I never told you _why_.“ Hikaru was staring at Pavel very intensely and it made the younger boy shrink back a little.

“I...ship's gossip...” Chekov's voice faltered and he was suddenly unable to meet Sulu's gaze.

The pilot had a sudden epiphany and it was enough to make him go completely cold. “You did it. You hacked the system and triggered the lockdown. You're responsible for locking up everyone in sick bay.”

“What,” the doctor and the captain said in unison. At the sound of each other's voice, their eyes met only for Bones to quickly avert his gaze. Jim looked at the floor for a moment before turning his attention back to Chekov.

Sulu was furious. “Did you do it to her schedule, too? Did you hack the duty roster and change her shifts?”

Chekov's silence was all the answer any of them needed.

“I don't believe this.”

“Hikaru, you don't understand.” Chekov looked scared.

Sulu snorted. “Oh go on, try and make me understand. Please.”

“You made me do it, you and Chapel.”

In spite of everything, Hikaru found himself laughing. “You have got to be kidding me.”

“She...she took you away from me!”

“I didn't ask for excuses, I asked for you to make me understand this.” This really couldn't be happening.

Pavel either didn't hear him or didn't care, he just kept right on frantically speaking. “I didn't like having to do it, but you never spend time with me! You always spend time with her! When you do spend time with me all you talk about is _her_! What am I supposed to do?”

“Talk to me!” Sulu shouted, having finally lost his temper. “Act like an adult instead of a spoiled five year old! Anything but _sabotage my relationship_!”

Uhura and Spock winced as Jim and Bones continued to stare at Chekov in utter disbelief.

Several moments passed and suddenly transporter lights began to whirl in front of the cell door. They all barely glanced up as Scotty, Chapel, Garrovick, and Ricky appeared in front of them.

“Okey dokey then,” Scotty grinned. “Just let us shoot out the lock and you'll all be free to go, my little jailbirds.”

It was then that he and Chapel noticed the scene in front of them. Three people were glaring at Chekov, who looked like he just had his heart broken. Two other people studiously avoiding each other's gaze.

 _Awkward_.

“Wow,” he said loudly. Everyone finally looked at him then. “Interesting vibe.” Ricky took out his phaser and shot open the door. Jim pushed it open and they all slowly walked out. Scotty sighed.

At that moment, the town sheriff came around the corner. It was time to call the Enterprise, so he was here to grab the boy. He saw Scotty and the others and pulled out his gun.

Garrovick saw the movement out of the corner of his eye. “Watch it,” he shouted as he shot the gun out of the man's hand with his phaser. “We need to go.”

Scotty opened his communicator. “Richards, Keenser. Ten to beam up.”

“Stand by,” came Keenser's voice from over the link.

The lights overtook them and they all quickly found themselves in the transporter room.

Richards and Keenser took one look at the situation and both of them sighed. It never was a good sign when the people being rescued looked pissed off about it. Richards cocked her head towards the pad with a raised eyebrow and Keenser nodded at her. They quietly powered down the transporter and snuck out the back.

Whatever it was that was going to go down, they definitely didn't need to be present for it.

Kirk looked at Scotty. “Thanks, man. How'd you even know about it, they took all of our communicators.” He saw Scotty and Christine exchange a look. “Wait, why are you here?”

“Well,” she began. “I mean...they abducted my boyfriend. What was I supposed to do, just sit around and cry?”

Jim found himself nodding, because in spite of everything he knew he would do the same for Bones without hesitation. “Right, but that still doesn't explain how you knew about it.”

Scotty shrugged. “The...mission parameters were giving me a bad feeling the whole time, which is why I asked you about having security with you this morning. I just...we heard it over Spock's communicator before it was silenced.” He looked oddly flustered for a moment. “I also assumed with the...transporter malfunction that they'd think we couldn't get you out. It was short work to organize the rescue once it happened.”

Kirk looked at them both carefully and for a moment Scotty thought they were busted. Eventually, the captain gave them both a shaky smile. “Well, I'm glad you did. Thanks you two.” He looked at Ricky and Garrovick. “You guys too, thanks.”

The redshirts nodded and made their way out of the transporter room and back to their posts.

“Hikaru,” Christine said with concern in her voice. “Are you all right?”

Sulu was still glaring at Chekov. “Not by half.”

Pavel finally met his gaze again and his eyes were full of tears. “Hikaru, I...”

“No.” Sulu shook his head. “Not now. Just...you need to stay away from me.”

The navigator's shoulders slumped. “Hikaru.”

“I said get _away_ from me, Pavel.” He turned on his heel and stormed out of the transporter room, not even sparing a glance back to his girlfriend.

Needless to say, she and Scotty both were gaping in shock.

“You know what? That's a really good idea,” Bones said to no one in particular. “I think I'll steal it.” He quickly followed suit. As he stepped down off the pad, he bumped into Chekov. The young navigator looked up at him with a frightened expression. “You I just can't even deal with,” Bones snapped at him. He continued to storm out of the room and Jim's face fell as a result.

“Captain,” Spock whispered. “I know this is probably not the time, but Mister Chekov's behavior...”

“I know, Spock.” Jim sighed. He looked for a moment at his navigator, who was staring at the floor. “I'm honestly kinda freaked out by it.”

“According to regulations, I am required to issue a disciplinary...”

Kirk shook his head. “No, Spock, I'll handle it this time. I have to say punishing him...frankly, it seems redundant.”

Spock nodded; there was some truth in that. He glanced over at Nyota and felt his face flush from shame. “I...too shall follow Mister Sulu's example. There is much I wish to consider.”

With that, he left the transporter room. Chekov quietly followed suit after giving Jim an apologetic look.

“I'm gonna go too,” Scotty announced. The other three looked at him. “I have to...finish my personal account of the day's events.” He sighed. “As far away from here as possible,” he added under his breath. Chapel nodded.

“I really should go check on Hikaru.”

Scotty was already out the door when Christine began to follow. Uhura sighed loudly and started to walk away.

Jim lightly grabbed her by the arm. She looked up at him.

“So you were right, I jinxed myself,” he said with a crooked smile. “Although, I didn't mean to jinx you guys too.”

“You didn't, we did this to ourselves,” she remarked. It was the truth, after all. “All we can do now is try to pick up the pieces.”

“Yeah, about that. He's not dumping you,” he said. “The opposite, actually. He wants to propose.”

Her eyes widened. “What?”

“Yeah. It's probably not my place, but he told Sulu and I when we were on that horrible mission to Atlus. He wants to marry you. Vulcans just...you know them, it's like they make a business contract and I'm assuming he doesn't want that for you. It sounds like he's been going about it the wrong way, and he probably freaked out that you'd catch on before he could ask.” Jim smiled crookedly at her. “He's scared shitless, I guess of you saying no, so just...I don't know.” The smile faded. “I shouldn't be giving anyone advice right now.”

Uhura looked at him with sympathy. She let what he said sink in for a moment, and a plan began to form. She quickly pushed it aside, because she was standing with a hurting friend and that was more urgent. “May I return the favor?”

Jim shrugged.

“He loves you,” she said succinctly. “He does. I don't know what he's been doing or hasn't been doing to make you feel like he doesn't, but I do know...that when you think no one is looking, he always is. Without fail, it's there in his eyes.” It was her turn to smile reassuringly. “You're his world.”

Jim looked down at the floor. “I...thanks. I guess I'm just a dumbass.”

“No argument there.” He looked at her with a raised eyebrow and she shrugged. “Right now, so am I. I do think that there's still time for us to fix things, if you're up for it.”

He didn't smile, he couldn't do that yet, but he did nod a few times. She was right, there was still time and he intended to make very good use of it.

They walked out of the transporter room and together made their way up to the bridge.

Meanwhile, at the other end of the hall Christine was jogging in an attempt to catch up to the Chief Engineer. “Scotty!”

Scotty stopped where he stood and turned around. “What?”

She continued to run, stopping only once she was right in front of him. Grabbing his arm lightly, she carefully steered him into an alcove away from prying eyes. Once she was satisfied that no one was in the vicinity, she whispered “About your log...”

Oh that. “Don't worry, I won't spill your secret. I won't even mention you...as far as Starfleet will be concerned, I figured it all out myself.”

Chris nodded. Good. “I'm glad we're on the same page, but there is another reason why I'm talking to you.”

Scotty narrowed his eyes. This didn't sound good. “Do tell.”

“It's just that...no one can know about me.”

The engineer rolled his eyes. “I know. Which is why I'm keeping it out of the incident report.”

“No, I don't think you understand me,” she said sternly. “No. One. Can. Know.”

Scotty was this close to losing his patience with her when it suddenly occurred to him what she meant. “You mean the Captain, don't you?”

“Not just him, I mean not Spock, or Leonard...” Her face became sad for a moment. “Hikaru...no one else on this ship.” Chris quickly went back to being all business. “Black Ops code 46-237A states in extreme emergencies I am permitted to reveal myself to the captain or, in a case like today, the acting commanding officer. Now that things are normal again however, it's back to hiding in plain sight.” She paused for a moment before finally continuing. “With your help, I mean.”

Scotty's eyebrows raised into his hairline. “It's one thing for me to omit certain information, it's another thing for you to ask a superior officer to lie for you.”

“I think you'll do it.”

“I'm pretty sure that I won't.”

“The information I have regarding a certain incident that happened shortly before you got shipped to Delta Vega says otherwise.”

Scotty crossed his arms and barked out a laugh. “Everyone knows what I was doing to get me shipped there. You don't have anything on me.”

“Not the thing with Archer's dog. I'm talking about the incident involving Barnett's passwords. The Starfleet mainframe. You know the one.”

The smile ran away from Scotty's face. “How did you find out about that?”

Chris smirked. “I am very good at what I do.” She turned serious once again. “You don't want Kirk to find out about that. His hands will be tied, no matter how much he likes you or how good you are at your job.”

“Bollocks,” Scotty mumbled as he scrubbed his face with his right hand. “What do you want?”

“Just a little assistance maintaining my cover,” she smiled. “The computer can't track me when I run down to a planet's surface and I need that to stop. You take care of that, and I'll delete the information I have on you. I'll even forget I ever saw it.”

All things considered, that wasn't too bad. “Quid pro quo?”

She nodded. “Quid pro quo.”

He thought for another moment or two, before taking a look around the hall himself. Still clear. “Fine, you've got yourself a deal.” Chris smiled again and they shook on it. She stepped sideways out of the alcove and took a glance around.

“See you, Scotty. And thanks.” With a jovial wave, she was off to look for her boyfriend.

Scotty waited for a moment before he stepped out of the alcove himself.

Bugger.

\-----

“Sir,” the sheriff shouted as he ran into his office. The Dude looked up at him warily from where he sat behind the desk, the five remaining communicators assembled in front of him.

“Yeah?”

“The prisoners have escaped!”

The Dude slapped his desk. “What did you just say?”

The sheriff took off his hat and wiped the sweat from his brow. “The prisoners escaped. Their crew mates must have caught on from when we shot their phone thing and four of them appeared from out of nowhere. They were armed and they took out my gun.”

“Well why didn't you grab them?” This is unacceptable!”

“I couldn't sir, they just disappeared into thin air. Their teleporters must not have been broken after all.” The sheriff was breathing heavily. “I tried but they were gone before I could grab any of them.”

The Dude looked thoughtful for a moment. He then picked up one of the communicators and played with it a bit in his hands. “Think we can reverse engineer these?”

The sheriff looked it over. “I don't see why not.”

“Good.” The Dude stood and looked out the office window. “Those Federation saps got away and beat us at bowling.” He grabbed the windowsill tightly. “It may take some time, but they'll see that both of those things were a mistake.”

The sheriff nodded.

“Yes, they'll see that soon enough,” The Dude added quietly. “And Daniel?”

“Sir?”

“I just decided to have a special election for sheriff next week.” He glared at the other man, who swallowed loudly. “You better hope you don't win.”

\-----

After stopping by the bridge to make sure that they were getting as far the hell away from Castro as possible, Jim gave Bones thirty minutes to himself. He contemplated using the ship's computer to locate him, but it wasn't really necessary. There were only two places he could be and given the state he was in, Jim highly doubted he had gone to his office.

That left the observation deck.

Sure enough, when he got there the door had been locked with a medical override. It was a quick matter for him to use the same code to unlock and then re-lock the door behind him. The room was empty, except for one person sitting in a spot on the floor up front.

For some reason whenever he lost a patient, missed Jo too much, or just generally had a shit day, Bones had gotten into a habit of going there to think. When he would be able, Jim would come sit with him in silence until the doctor would say he was ready to go. Inevitably, Jim would apologize for not doing more but he was always assured that just being there was enough.

The thought of those comments made Jim feel a bit ashamed as he quietly made his way over to his partner. At the sound of his footsteps, Bones glanced up briefly. His shoulders sagged a little and he immediately began to stare out the window once more.

Jim knelt down so that he was facing Bones. They sat in silence for a time, neither of them quite knowing where to begin.

“Why...” he spoke at last. “I mean. Do you love me?”

Bones closed his eyes. “How can you even ask me that?”

“Please just give me a yes or a no,” Jim earnestly replied.

His face turned towards him and Jim took a deep breath at what he saw. Uhura had been right, it really was in his eyes. “Of course I do.”

He felt like he wanted to smile, like he wanted to just throw his arms around the other man and never let him go. Unfortunately there was a lot more to talk about, so he couldn't do that just yet. “Then I don't understand. Why won't you tell me?”

There was a long pause, and he thought about repeating the question just in case Bones hadn't heard it. It proved to be unnecessary, as Bones began to speak. “The last year of my marriage, at least the last year before we decided to end it, I told Jocelyn I loved her every single day.” He thought for a moment before continuing. “And you know, I don't think I meant it even one of those times.” He sighed. “When it was all over, I told myself that when - if - I ever found someone else, that I wouldn't rely on empty words. That I'd do things to prove it and back them up.” Bones shook his head. “Seems I can't even do that right.”

“But you don't...you've never said it at all. To back them up, I mean.”

“I realize that now.” His expression turned somewhat bitter. “Obviously, I've gone too far in the opposite direction because you honestly had no idea how I feel.”

Jim lost himself in thought for a moment before certain things started to click in his memory. “Is that why you started doing things like taking your coffee black? Because I always grab yours by mistake and I hate sugar in my coffee?”

Bones nodded.

“And that's why you always come here when you're upset. Because...we started dating here?”

Bones nodded again. “Good memories to counter-act the blues.”

“And you call our quarters home...”

Bones shrugged this time. “Home is wherever you'll be.”

Jim was incredibly moved by that. “And it's why no matter how tired you are...you always, _always_ see to how I'm doing. You...never put yourself ahead of me.” He was also struck by the fact that he was an insensitive asshole. “I'm such an insensitive asshole.”

“No, you're not.” Bones fully turned his body so they were facing one another. “You had no idea about my issues. It's not right of me to just expect you to know this. And it's definitely not fair for me to assume that you'll understand.”

“I still should have noticed.” He felt awful. “I should've just asked...”

“That I won't argue with.”

“...But I was scared.” Jim looked down at his hands for a moment. “I mean, you...you weren't saying it and the only reason I could come up with was that you didn't and...God it just hurt so much.”

“I can imagine,” Bones remarked somewhat dryly.

Jim picked at the denim on one of his knees. “I didn't want to ask, because I didn't want the answer. ” He bit his lip. “It just, it felt like you had one foot out the door and I had no idea what I was supposed to do.” He looked down at his hands again. “I mean, I know I said once that I'd be okay if things didn't work out because they just didn't, but Bones...it's not true. I won't be. You're a lot to lose.” He thought for a moment. “And I'm an idiot.”

“You're not, not really. Not about this.” Bones sighed. “I can't blame you for feeling the way you have been, but Jim? We're never going to make it if we don't _talk_ to each other.”

“No, I know, you're right,” Jim said. “I should've come to you about this, instead of jumping to conclusions. You've never let me down before, and I have no idea why I was so quick to assume you had this time. I should've just asked you, and I'm sorry I didn't. I'm also sorry for all of those horrible things I said. There's not...I didn't mean it. When I said we had nothing to discuss. I didn't mean that I didn't want to try. I was just really upset.” He smiled, albeit a tentative one. “I know that doesn't make it okay, but I am sorry.”

“Well, I'm sorry that I didn't tell you what was going on; as good as we are at reading each other, I shouldn't be assuming you can always tell what I'm thinking. And I'm sorry I pushed you into that fight, but I got a little scared myself. You're a lot to lose, too, you know.”

The two gazed at each other with open emotions on their faces for a long time, neither quite ready to break the spell.

“I have to say,” Bones finally began. “I was wondering when this would happen.”

The smile on Jim's face became a bit confused. “When what would?”

“Our first fight. I mean, it was inevitable.”

“We bitch at each other constantly, though,” Jim pointed out.

“No, the _Chief Medical Officer_ and the _Captain_ bitch at each other constantly.” Bones raised one eyebrow. “Jim and Bones...don't.”

This was very true. “Well...okay. Then yes, this was our first one. Never let it be said we do anything halfway.”

“I'd hope not,” Bones said as he stood. He then reached a hand down and helped Jim up. “We haven't quite finished making up yet.”

“We haven't?” Jim tilted his head to one side. “I mean, do we shake on it or...” He stopped talking when he saw the look on Bones' face and his smile turned coy. “Oh.”

Not letting go of his hand, Bones began to lead him back to their quarters because really...what more could he say to that?

\-----

Pavel walked from the engineering decks all the way up to the bridge and back slowly, before he finally decided that it was time to stop putting off the inevitable and head back to his and Sulu's quarters.

He entered the code and hesitated for a moment before entering the opened doors.

The rooms were dark.

Obviously, Sulu hadn't come back yet.

Letting out a breath he didn't know he was holding, he slowly made his way over to their couch and sat.

And waited.

Nearing the one hour mark, the door finally opened and Sulu stepped inside the room. Swallowing nervously, Chekov stood. At the movement, Sulu glanced over to the sofa. “Computer, lights.”

After sitting in the dark for so long, Pavel blinked for a moment in the sudden brightness. Once his eyes adjusted, he looked at Sulu and he deflated a bit at the expression he saw on the pilot's face. Not knowing what else to do, he raised his hand in a wave.

Sulu didn't return it; instead he turned and made his way towards their bathroom.

Still mad, then.

Pavel followed him. “Hikaru, I understand. You are...very upset. I forgive you yelling.”

Sulu froze. He slowly turned around in the doorway of their bathroom and his face was scarily blank. “You forgive me?” He looked down at the floor for a moment and his hands clenched into fists. “That's hilarious. _You_ forgive _me_ for doing something that I had every right to.”

That wasn't how this was supposed to go. “No, I mean...”

“Let me break this down for you.” Hikaru finally met his gaze and it was cold. “I'm not mad at you for being upset with me about Christine. You're right, I have been absorbed in my relationship. I have been ignoring our friendship for her. I have talked about her incessantly. It was not on purpose, but I did it and I take full responsibility for that. I am also genuinely sorry for it. But Pavel... _you sabotaged me_.”

“Hikaru...”

“You deliberately _sabotaged_ me, more than once. The worst part is that it looks like it was _easy_ for you.”

Pavel shook his head furiously. “No, was not easy! Was never easy!”

“And when I caught on to it, instead of coming clean you _lied_ to me! You lied right to my face without even hesitating. You didn't even have the decency to say you were sorry!”

“But I am sorry!” Pavel had tears in his eyes again, but he didn't really care. “I should never have done it! I am sorry!”

“I mean, do you really even grasp what you did?” Hikaru didn't really hear him as he continued his speech. “What if an emergency happened and people needed to get into the medical wing? Pavel, people could have _died_ because of you. And I don't think that ever occurred to you _at all_.”

Pavel's eyes widened. Hikaru was right, he was so caught up in himself it had never even crossed his mind that he could hurt someone. No wonder Doctor McCoy had been so angry with him in the transporter room. Oh God, he could lose his commission for this. “I did not...I meant no...”

“It doesn't matter what you meant, Pavel, what matters is _what you did_.” Sulu shook his head. “I shouldn't be that surprised, really. I've seen you be dishonest with people hundreds of times over little things like video games. You've even done it to me, and I let you get away with it every single time, treating it like a joke, because I thought that one day you were going to grow up and figure it out on your own. I thought you'd finally realize that your actions have consequences and that just because you _can_ do something, it doesn't mean you _should_.” Sulu scrubbed his face with his hand. “It's as much my fault as yours. So there's only one thing I can do here.”

The blood drained out of Pavel's face. “No, please...”

“All I've been doing is enabling you. I can't be your conscience anymore, I can't tell you it'll be okay. You're obviously not learning anything so this is it.” To his credit, Hikaru looked somewhat sad himself. “You don't have to move out...”

“Hikaru,” Pavel bit his lip.

“...And we can work together on the bridge...” He looked at the wall for a moment. “But we're not friends anymore, Pavel. We can't be.”

“Remember what we said? We are best friends and to never forget that!” Pavel was begging but he didn't care. “Hikaru please!”

“No, Pavel.” Sulu shook his head. “I said I'm done.”

Shocked, the ensign took a step backwards. “Forever?”

“I don't know. Maybe. Maybe not.” Thinking better of going into the bathroom, he gently pushed past Pavel and began to make his way out of their quarters.

“No Hikaru, please...” Pavel started to try and follow him. Sulu stepped out into the hall and he ran down it towards the turbo lift. Pavel stood in the door way and yelled after him “Please Hikaru, please! Please do not...” The turbo lift door closed. “...Go.”

Pavel stepped backwards from the door and, as it slid closed, he finally let himself cry.

\-----

Spock had spent the better part of the evening doing non-essential and menial tasks in the xeno-bontany laboratory.

He was, as Nyota often said, hiding in his work.

After several hours of such diversion, he ran out of things to do and realized that he could either continue to delay the inevitable or he could face everything that had been going on the past few days. As illogical as it was, the first option seemed to be the preferable one.

No, there had been enough of that. Letting his fears, as irrational as they were, control him was what had caused this unfortunate situation in the first place. He needed to just do what was necessary.

He gathered his thoughts as he made his way up the turbo lift and to his and Nyota's quarters. Briefly he wondered if Jim and Chekov were faring well with their somewhat similar problems, although he was still illogically dismayed at Chekov's behavior. He walked down the corridor and found himself in front of their door soon enough.

Hesitating slightly, he gently entered the access code and stepped inside.

The lights were dim, and there appeared to be a dinner set for two on their table.

Fascinating.

“I was beginning to get worried,” a voice called from across the room. Nyota was standing in a black dress that he was particularly fond of and a smile on her face. “Welcome home.” She began to make her way to him from across the room.

Spock blinked at her. When they parted, she had been angry. This change in temperament did not make sense. “I am afraid you have me at a disadvantage.”

“I'm supposed to,” she said warmly. “That's what happens with surprises.” She stood before him, raising her head to meet his gaze. “I am sorry for what I said earlier. I had no right to make assumptions about your behavior and I'm sorry that I was so hurtful.”

“I understand,” Spock said. He actually did. “My behavior has been uncharacteristically erratic of late. Your conclusions, while based primarily in emotion, were somewhat logical. I apologize for giving you the wrong impression.”

“Apology accepted,” she answered with a smile. “Although, there is one more thing before we move on.”

She then did something rather extraordinary.

She got down onto her left knee.

“S'chn T'gai Spock,” she began as she took his hands in hers. “We have known each other and grown together as one since my days as a student. You are more than my partner, more than my lover...you are my _th'y'la_.” Rather uncharacteristically, her voice was shaking. “Will you do me the honor of being my husband?”

Spock stared at her for a long moment and his eyes, for the first time, were full of undisguised affection. Full of love. “I...accept.”

The smile on Nyota's face was luminous. He helped her to her feet and then embraced her. They held one another for a short while, before he finally remembered the object that he had been keeping on him since their stop on Bajor. Spock pulled apart from her to reach into his pocket, where he pulled out the small black box.

“I believe that it is customary for me to give you such an item,” he said as he opened it and she gasped.

The ring was deceptively simple looking at a glance, but was made of a platinum like material. An ornate pattern made of tiny clear crystals decorated the band down the middle that showed only when the light caught it a certain way. It was perfect.

Nyota held out her left hand and he delicately slid it onto her ring finger. Her smile grew even brighter and she leaned in to kiss him softly.

They stayed that way for quite a while and then she broke it. “I had Muriel make your favorites, I hope you don't mind.”

“It...would be illogical,” he managed as she led him to the table. “Nyota...” He held her chair out for her and she sat elegantly.

“Yes?”

“Am I to assume that we are proceeding as if the last few days have not occurred?”

She looked up at him thoughtfully for a moment. “I wouldn't say exactly that.” She turned a bit more serious. “Spock, please don't ever think that I want you as anything other than yourself. I want you, only you, just the way you are.”

Spock leaned down and kissed her a second time. “I shall...endeavor to remember that going forward.” Something occurred to him then as he sat next to her. “There is something else.”

“Oh?” A napkin was elegantly placed in her lap. “You're not going to play music again are you?”

“No.” He thought for a moment before proceeding. “I have bought you a gift. When we arrive at Starbase Fourteen in two weeks, it will be ready.”

“Spock, you shouldn't have,” she said with a touched look on her face. “Really, that was too much.”

Almost imperceptibly, he shrugged. “It seemed appropriate in light of my recent behavior.”

Nyota looked intrigued. “Well, can I know what it is? Two weeks is a long time.”

“I do not see why not. It is an item that I have been assured is exceedingly popular among Terrans. It is also practical, has many uses, and does not take up much room.”

“Really?” Admittedly, her mind went to a somewhat inappropriate place with what he had described. She blamed the lack of sleep and spending a night exchanging dirty limericks in Klingon with Kirk.

“Yes. It is called a Cuisinart.”

Nyota stopped smiling, and she made a strange face. Her lips began to twitch upwards repeatedly. “A Cuisinart.”

“I thought it was appropriately romantic,” Spock said with a raised eyebrow. He suddenly had the same foreboding feeling he did whenever Doctor McCoy would compliment him. “It is not to your taste.”

While he had been speaking, Nyota had cast her eyes downward. Her shoulders had begun to shake rather violently and her hands had clenched into fists.

“Nyota?”

She couldn't take it any longer and burst out into hysterical laughter. She laughed for a long interval, pausing only to take deep shuddering breaths before laughing again.

Spock found he was somewhat irritated by this. “I must admit I do not understand your reaction.”

“Oh, oh no,” she gasped. “I'm not laughing at you! I just...well, I said I wanted you to be yourself with me. This just...you couldn't have done anything more like _you_. It's the timing, is all.” Finally having stopped laughing, she took his hand. “It's very thoughtful, Spock, thank you.”

Satisfied, he relaxed somewhat and put his own napkin into his lap. “You are welcome.”

Nyota caressed his face once. “Now, let's eat before it gets cold.”

\-----

“Okay um,” Jim said as Bones kissed him repeatedly. “We're going to have to fight _all the time_ if this is what happens afterwards.”

Bones started laughing into a kiss. “Your priorities are terrible.”

“Terribly _awesome_ ,” Jim muttered. “I mean, just...wow.”

They shifted so that Jim was laying on his back with Bones laying next to him on his side. There was an incredibly warm and soft expression on the doctor's face and it caused Jim's heart to thump a little in his chest. Eventually, the attention made him a bit embarrassed and he felt himself slightly blushing.

“What?”

“I love you.”

The blond blinked rapidly before sitting up and saying, “Oh no, I don't want you doing that just because...”

“I'm not.” Bones sat up as well so that they were eye-to-eye. “I'm doing it because it's _true_ and I should've been doing it all along.”

Jim relaxed his shoulders.

“So shut the hell up...” Bones couldn't help but smile as Jim raised an eyebrow at him. “And accept it.”

Jim grinned. “And my priorities are the ones in question? You're the one telling me off while trying to be romantic.”

“You wouldn't have me any other way,” Bones pointed out.

“No, I guess not,” Jim conceded. He leaned in and they kissed. “Oh and Bones,” he said as he moved to lay back down.

“Yeah?” Bones quickly joined him, and he placed his head on the doctor's shoulder.

“I know.”

He couldn't see the smile on his face, but he knew there was one as Bones snorted above him.

[Chapter Four](http://ken-ichijouji.livejournal.com/26196.html) | [Epilogue](http://ken-ichijouji.livejournal.com/26674.html)


	6. The Movie Never Ends (It Goes On and On and On and On)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the Enterprise's newest mission, a voyage to a little planet called Castro III. For once, obeying the Prime Directive is the least of their worries. It's hard to be in Starfleet when you have to deal with transporter malfunctions, video game sessions, rings, jail cells, matador costumes, bowling matches, miscommunications, spies, observation deck talks, champagne, disciplinary hearings, new nicknames, romantic dinners, and a pair of people who won't be talking when the dust settles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kirk/Bones, Spock/Uhura, Sulu/Chapel

_**Fic: The Movie Never Ends (It Goes On and On and On and On) 6/6**_  
Title: The Movie Never Ends (It Goes On and On and On and On)  
Series: Star Trek XI: [waterpark 'verse](http://ken-ichijouji.livejournal.com/21874.html)  
Rating: PG-13 for swearing and some fade to black hanky-panky  
Total Word Count: Are you ready for this shit? **44,841**. It's just...it's full of stars.  
Summary: Welcome to the Enterprise's newest mission, a voyage to a little planet called Castro III. For once, obeying the Prime Directive is the least of their worries. It's hard to be in Starfleet when you have to deal with transporter malfunctions, video game sessions, rings, jail cells, matador costumes, bowling matches, miscommunications, spies, observation deck talks, champagne, disciplinary hearings, new nicknames, romantic dinners, and a pair of people who won't be talking when the dust settles.  
Pairing Notes: Kirk/Bones, Spock/Uhura, Sulu/Chapel  
Notes: This takes place a year and eight months into the five year mission, meaning Kirk and Bones have been dating for eight months. (LOL POSTING IN MY OWN UNIVERSE OUT OF ORDER.) If you haven't read everything else in the land of waterparks and roller rinks, certain things will be confusing to you.

In which, Pavel faces some consequences of his actions.

...It occurs to me that you guys probably think I hate Pavel because of this fic. Honestly, I don't. He's actually my favorite after McCoy. I just...it seems to me like there are a lot of downsides to being a child genius and I don't always feel like that gets addressed? So I wanted to address it. Or something.

 _Epilogue_

Five days passed since Castro III, or as Kirk was now calling it “That Other Planet We Do Not Discuss.” The crew of the Enterprise was in warp en route to Babel to provide security and aid with a large diplomatic conference.

Pavel Chekov arrived at the captain's ready room five minutes before he was scheduled.

He had spent a lot of time thinking the last few days, what with his roommate and their friends not really speaking to him. Oh sure, they were all still professional, but they were somewhat cold. He didn't think McCoy would ever stop glaring at him.

Not that he didn't deserve it.

Hikaru had been right about everything. He had only been thinking of himself, he never once gave a thought to how his actions would make Hikaru or Nurse Chapel feel. Pavel was embarrassed at how easily manipulating the system to suit his ends came to him as a solution. At just how far he had gone. He could barely look at himself, let alone blame other people for wanting nothing to do with him.

He should be thrown out or thrown in the brig. That probably was why Kirk called him here, actually, to go ahead and have him hand in his badge so to speak. Which, frankly, he also deserved.

There was also a lot of irony that was not lost on him. He had been so convinced that he was being abandoned, he over-reacted and thusly...his own actions caused him to be abandoned. It was a rather painful lesson, one he had no desire to repeat.

The worst part of this, Pavel thought, wasn't that he was probably going to get kicked out and be sent home in disgrace. It was that he had let all of these people down, these people who truly cared for him. There was nothing he could do to ever make it right, to regain that trust. _That_ was the worst part of all of this.

Enough moping, it was time to face the music. He pushed the button, the door slid open, and he walked into the room.

Kirk was already seated, two PADDs in front of him. He glanced up from his reading and inclined his head in a greeting. “Chekov,” he said in a serious tone. “Have a seat.”

Pavel slowly made his way to the chair directly across from the captain, and he pulled it out from the table. He sat down, his back perfectly straight and his eyes cast downward.

“Since you're here, we'll go ahead and get started,” Jim said as he moved one of his PADDs to the side. “On Stardate 2260.75, you accessed secure computer databanks on the Enterprise to deliberately sabotage a fellow crew member, Lieutenant Christine Chapel, directly in violation of Starfleet Regulation 223. You hacked into the database to First Officer Spock's personnel files to change her duty schedule. In an escalating tactic, you then hacked again into the security database to cause an emergency quarantine in the medical wing, trapping two thirds of the staff inside including Chief Medical Officer Leonard McCoy, violating Security Protocol 71.02.”

Chekov swallowed.

“Ensign Chekov, do you understand the charges as they have been explained to you?”

He forced himself to look up and meet Kirk's gaze. “Aye, sir.”

This was the first time he had ever seen Jim Kirk look so expressionless. “Do you have anything to say for yourself?”

“No, sir.”

Jim looked at him for a moment; truthfully, he had been expecting a barrage of excuses like the kid gave Sulu. This was a surprise, and not an unpleasant one. “Starting tomorrow when you're not on duty, even for mealtimes, you're confined to quarters for two weeks.” The captain tilted his head to one side. “Normally, you'd be thrown in the brig but you need to deal with the fallout without any sort of leeway. This does not mean, however, that you are to be harassed. If any crew member refuses to work with you or treats you with undue disrespect, report it to me immediately. Do you understand?”

Chekov nodded.

“You also, from here until an as of yet undecided date of my choosing, will be unable to access the ship's computers for anything not related to eating, sleeping, working, or being able to meet your physical training requirements.”

Chekov nodded again. He hadn't been expecting that, but he couldn't really blame Kirk either.

“These events are also going in your permanent service record.”

Oh.

“Anytime you come up for a commendation or promotion, this is going to follow you as a reminder of both the reckless behavior you indulged in and the consequences of such actions.” Kirk leaned back in his chair. Somehow, the captain looked even more serious than he already did. “I'll remind you that if you think I'm being unfair, normally the First Officer is supposed to handle these matters.”

Pavel felt his eyes widen for a moment, but then he regained control of himself. There was something he didn't understand, though. “Captain?”

“Yes?”

“I am not being discharged,” he began. “Why?”

Jim raised his eyebrows. “What, do you want to be?”

Pavel shook his head furiously. “No, sir.”

“Do you regret your actions?”

There was a long silence in the room.

“What,” Pavel finally asked.

“Do you regret your actions? And not just because you got caught.” Kirk steepled his hands and rested his chin on them. “I mean, sincerely.”

There was another long silence.

“Yes.” Pavel looked down at the table. “I do.”

“Then you don't need to be discharged,” Jim said. He pushed the PADD across the table and Pavel took it and turned it towards him so that he could read it. “Sign on the line demonstrating that you understand the disciplinary action I have explained to you today.”

Pavel took the stylus and signed. He slowly pushed the PADD back to Jim. Jim looked it over and nodded with approval.

“All right then, that's all I need. You're dismissed.”

Pavel stood from the table and began to walk out of the room.

“Oh, Chekov?”

He turned to face the captain, who was now and rather amazingly, smiling at him.

“Rec room on deck six at 1900. Don't be late.”

Pavel nodded once and then he was on his way.

\-----

It was only a small gathering in one of the rec rooms, but that was the way Spock and Uhura said they preferred it.

Scotty and Jim were currently arguing with a bottle of champagne the latter had hidden for a special occasion. Frankly, as far as the captain was concerned nothing was more special than his First Officer and Communications Officer getting hitched.

Uhura watched them with concern. “Just don't make it explode, guys. I don't want to leave a mess.”

“Not happening,” Jim growled. “This is getting opened the right way or my name's not James Tiberius Kirk. And it is, so there.”

Scotty held out his hands. “Here, let me hold her and you fuss with the cork. That way we'll keep her steady.”

“Is every object a woman to you,” Jim wondered almost to himself. “I mean, my ship and the transporter, and now this bottle of booze...”

“There a problem - no twist it - with that,” Scotty said in a dark tone.

“Just...” There suddenly came a loud pop. “Yes! Just noticing a pattern, is all.”

Miraculously, the champagne did not explode out of the bottle. Scotty took it off Kirk's hands and began to pour it into the flutes on the table. “Not sure there's enough for everyone, but I'll do my best.”

“That's fine,” Jim said with a laugh. It was then that he noticed while they were wrestling with the bottle Bones had joined them. “Hi,” he said as he walked up to him.

Bones placed his hands on his waist and pulled him in close. “What's got you so pleased?”

“Maybe I take a little responsibility for this,” he said with a smile and a look to Uhura and Spock, who were arm-in-arm and talking to Sulu and Christine animatedly. Well...Nyota was animated, Spock looked mildly intrigued.

“Oh what, like you made this happen?”

“I make lots of things happen. Like miracles.”

Bones shook his head. “No, Scotty's the one that makes the miracles.”

Jim raised an eyebrow. “Oh really? Well, if he's the Miracle Man then what am I?”

Bones gazed at him intently for a moment before finally whispering, “Amazing.”

Shock crossed Jim's features before he smiled as brightly as the sun. “I'm still not used to you doing that.”

The doctor favored him with a smile of his own. “Get used to it, it's not going to stop anytime soon.”

“Hm. Okay,” he chirped and he placed both of his hands on Bones' face. They tenderly began to kiss.

The rec room door opened and Pavel slowly stepped inside in his civilian clothes. He hung back for a moment and took in what everyone was doing. The doctor and the captain were making out (normal and also _yech_ ) and Scotty was talking to...oh.

He should have known that Hikaru would be here. After all, he and Nyota were as close as he and...well, they were really close.

This was a mistake.

Deciding quickly that he didn't belong, Pavel began to turn around.

He failed to realize that Nyota had seen his every move since he arrived. He also didn't see her excusing herself and running over to meet him. “Pavel!”

He turned to face her with a smile he didn't really feel. “Hi...and congratulations,” he finally managed to get out. “I forgot I have...”

“Pavel, save it.” She looked at him sternly. “I know why you're leaving.”

His face fell. “Oh. I am obvious?”

“A little bit,” Nyota said with a shrug. Gathering her thoughts carefully, she stared off into the distance. After a moment, she gave him her full attention once again. “I don't agree at all with what you did, and I know you realize now you were wrong,” she began. “But I am not angry with you and neither is Spock.”

Pavel's spirits lifted a little. “Really?”

“Really.” Nyota nodded. “You're obviously not proud of yourself, and I understand that Kirk took official action. I can't speak for everyone else, but as far as we're concerned it's done.”

Somewhat stupidly, he felt like he was going to cry. “Thank you.”

“You're welcome.” She smiled, before becoming more serious. “Pavel, look. The thing about people in general, and family in particular, is that sometimes they do things that you don't like or even that horribly disappoint you.” At her words, he found himself looking down at the floor. “People do things that hurt sometimes.” The smile that she gave him was very gentle and she took his hands in hers.“The most amazing thing about us is our capacity to forgive. People will forgive you in time, but you can't run away until they do. That's not how it works. That's definitely not how _family_ works. Do you understand me?”

He nodded and for the first time in almost a week he felt...okay. Not great or even good, but okay. It was progress.

“Great, now come over here with me, Kirk's going to make a toast,” she said as put her arm around his shoulders to steer him back to everyone else. Nyota looked at Jim and Leonard and wondered for a moment if it was wrong to wish they were still fighting. “I _said_ , Kirk's going to make a toast!”

The captain and the doctor finally broke apart with matching sheepish looks on their faces.

“Oh right,” Jim said distractedly. “Sorry, it's not my fault Bones finds me irresistible.”

Bones simply rolled his eyes and grabbed a flute of champagne, handing it to Jim before taking one for himself.

“Okay so if I could have your attention,” Jim said loudly and everyone else's conversations stopped. Chekov moved so he was standing next to Scotty. Good, everyone was listening. “So I ran a few ideas by Spock but, for some reason, he vetoed them as being inappropriate...”

“Toasting Nyota's “gams” would hardly be acceptable for this occasion,” Spock remarked in a tone that was so dry it made Jim feel like he needed a glass of water.

“Anyways...” Jim grinned and shrugged. “I will only say this. If there ever were two people meant to be together, it's the both of you. I wish you nothing but the very best, and I'm sure everyone here agrees.” They all nodded. “To the happy couple!”

“To the happy couple,” everyone else said in unison. They all clinked glasses, and for rest of the night did nothing more complicated than enjoy each other as friends.

Until those Birds of Prey decloaked in front of the ship, that is.

 _Coming Soon: To the End (La Comedie)_

 _Next time on "there's a water park theater," four months have passed and everything is going well and fine. Spock and Uhura are enjoying their long engagement, Jim and Bones are having their first anniversary, Chekov and Scotty are finding they have quite a lot in common, and Sulu and Christine are quite happy._

 _So naturally, Pike delivers some unhappy news to Jim, Spock is suddenly not feeling so hot, Chris has a harder and harder time keeping her secret, and Scotty is facing a conundrum of his own._

 _Can the crew of the Enterprise overcome their obstacles? Can Sulu and Chekov become friends again? Can I stop with the ridiculous summaries and coming attractions parts of my posts? (Obviously, that last one's a no.)_

 _Let me just end this with one specific thing. You are all cordially invited to the wedding of..._

  
[Chapter Five](http://ken-ichijouji.livejournal.com/26585.html)   



End file.
